This spring, I
received the voluminous results of a huge barrage of testing for my son G’s
three-year evaluation for his IEP (Individualized Education Plan). Among many,
many, many other outcomes, I was informed that G had scored under the first
percentile in “Irony.”
Although we have had
him on a strict Monty Python/Austin Powers program for some time, and the kid
has a fantastic sense of humor, we realize that perhaps he may well be lacking
in “Irony.” Like many individuals who don’t fit the typical “norms” or test
“average” in many areas, G excels
(sometimes extraordinarily) in some areas and is less skilled (sometimes
remarkably so) in others.
In my experience, these
sorts of test results – lower than expected, very uneven - are actually
“normal” for many people on the autism spectrum, people with ADHD, people with sensory
processing differences, people who are neurodivergent and/or disabled and/or
differently-abled and/or quirky and/or don’t care about testing...
Just once, though,
I’d like to receive some test results along the following lines:
Dear Dr. Full Spectrum Mama,
Here are our test results for your accepted-just-as-he-is
child.
G scored in the 70th percentile for “Telling Bad Jokes.”
Although we found that his jokes were generally pretty lame, and noted, significantly,
that he was almost always the only one laughing at said jokes, his score was
slightly lower because he at times did in fact stop telling jokes, especially when asked to “stop repeating that
joke which we have already heard seven times.” Still, this is a respectable
“Telling Bad Jokes” score, and something he should feel good about.
We noted several areas of growth. G’s “Confidence in the Face
of a Lot of Really Daunting Obstacles” outcome has improved by 50 percentage
points – to the 88th percentile - since he was last evaluated in his
former school where he was getting bullied. Also improved were his ratings in
“Zipping Pants” (up by 20, to 61st percentile), “Blowing Nose Rather
Than Just Letting Snot Drip Down” (up by 15, to 56th), and “Overall
Executive Function” (up by 3, to 4th).
His “Amazing Metaphorical/Metaphysical Insights Not
Necessarily Appreciated by Peers but Mind-Blowing for Adults” score remains
very high (92nd percentile), as corroborated by many of his teachers
in the narrative portion of the evaluation; while the closely-related
“Willingness to Write It Down According to Assignment, Dangit” score remains
alarmingly low (5th percentile).
We would also like to raise some concerns around the fact
that G’s “Remembering School Stuff” score of 8th percentile does not
seem to match his remarkable achievements in the areas of “Remembering How Many
Days I Have Been Dating ___ “ (98th percentile), or “Remembering the
Tiniest Details About Every Pokemon, Ever” (99th percentile) - even with a 10 percent margin of error.
His IEP should reflect the need for accommodation in the
former area, yet also take into account the possibility that G may have an asymmetrical
range of priorities specific to his own...priorities.
Some of his strongest scores were in “Wonderfulness” (85th
percentile; this score was mitigated by “Teenage Rote Sullenness” [45th]);
“Interest in Girls” (98th percentile; this test is administered
according to self-reported sexual preference and controls for Trying-to-act-like-you-are-not-thinking-about-____-All.The.Time);
and “Thinking About Pokemon” (90th percentile; down nine points from
previous score - possibly offset by “Interest in Girls”). “Knowing the Names of
Pixies, David Bowie, Nirvana, and Red Hot Chili Peppers Songs,” at 65th
percentile, was also solidly above average.
He should continue to build on these strengths.
Although he scored just above average in “Teenage Boy
Flatulence” (58th %ile), when measured against the general
population G’s gassiness was easily in the top 10%.
Most importantly, for being unfailingly kind and polite (even
thankful!) to our extensive testing staff, and for countless other reasons, G
scored off the charts (above the 99th %ile!) in “Being Himself.”
Congratulations,
The Testing People
Love,
Full Spectrum Mama
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