tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62276165798296072182024-03-12T19:23:03.331-07:00Full Spectrum Mama ...a Colorful FamilyFull Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.comBlogger213125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-83970129471944555852023-09-25T04:10:00.004-07:002023-09-25T12:01:16.437-07:00A VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF AUTISTICS<p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXRQbQUM1iIFKXQJPx5AFTsU9Zm17-MMa7zrfap3bjhwuf08SN7CKvDpSSVIZQTK05ZoNG519Q8ayVZAur8kG7j9Dl5R-Sr50u60c7m_W9h7aviM8rO7CakeSP9jDqfP175EOwJaOdx5i73NNwscO0pamNVbqcEbRWH93SNBtOiUfSHzvCoh9ctr18rM-V/s3730/fsm%20rights%20of%20Autistics.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3730" data-original-width="2432" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXRQbQUM1iIFKXQJPx5AFTsU9Zm17-MMa7zrfap3bjhwuf08SN7CKvDpSSVIZQTK05ZoNG519Q8ayVZAur8kG7j9Dl5R-Sr50u60c7m_W9h7aviM8rO7CakeSP9jDqfP175EOwJaOdx5i73NNwscO0pamNVbqcEbRWH93SNBtOiUfSHzvCoh9ctr18rM-V/w209-h320/fsm%20rights%20of%20Autistics.jpg" width="209" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: courier;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;">“I don't like using the terms ‘invisible’ or ‘hidden’ disability. You absolutely see my autism—you just don't code it correctly and instead you see everything about me as a character flaw.”</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> - <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/kellybronjohnson/">Kelly Bron Johnson</a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html">Dear Persons</a>,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">For years I’ve been thinking about using Mary Wollstonecraft’s brilliant feminist arguments about equality to make a parallel case for not only Autistic rights but also to contend, in line with her philosophical process, that the ways of thinking and “character flaws” that Autistic people are typically criticized for may actually be both correct and valuable. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">In Part I below, I echo Wollstonecraft’s archaic, academic language to make my case. In Part II, I state my case very briefly and simply, in plain language. Part III quotes the most relevant part of Wollstonecraft’s work for our purposes here. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><b style="background-color: black;">VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF AUTISTICS</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: courier;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;">(with apologies/gratitude to Mary Wollstonecraft, c. 1792)</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: black; font-family: courier;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"><br /></span></span></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><b style="background-color: black;">I.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The 1792-Style Version</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">In our present state of geopolitical chaos and unrest, it seems useful to look at what human qualities and behaviors might actually further the progress and peace we so desperately seek. To do so, we may well need to question the social-ethical status quo that has brought us here. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">As we will see, I’ll build my argument logically, disregarding justification based on the claim that ‘that is just how humans are.’ Like Wollstonecraft, I’ll ask straightforward questions to get to fundamental truths. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">As always, I cannot speak for all Autistics by any means, but I can quarrel with stereotypes and misperceptions, and reason from my own experience and observations to “dispute with some prevailing prejudice” (MW).</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">What makes humans special? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Wollstonecraft argues that they are so because they can <i>reason</i>, possess <i>virtue</i>, and develop knowledge born of experience, i.e., <i>wisdom</i>. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Yet we can all agree that it is common to see contradictions between </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>what is known to be true and right via reason, wisdom, and virtue, on the one hand,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>and what is conveniently (however subconsciously) believed or desired, and then borne out in action, on the other.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The former may be seen in rare shining examples, and exemplifies what is best in human beings; the latter, what is common in their actions. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Are Autistic people typically as likely as the average Neurotypical person to deploy the “use of reason to justify” (MW) their self-centered behaviors in this way? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">My personal experience indicates that they are not. To wit, again and again I’ve been told things like “You don’t get complexity” or “This is a grey area,” when to my mind it’s more like I’m not willing to excuse myself or anyone else for building their thinking around rationalizing what they want. Almost invariably the gray area argued for by the gray-area advocate falls in favor of said advocate, e.g., such and such a clearly moral yet inconvenient choice is something that would be a <i>good thing to do</i>, but <i>isn't actually necessary</i>. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Or someone will tell me I "don't get" something. Occasionally, that's true. Usually, though, I <i>understand</i>, but I don't accept the status quo. Think Greta Thunberg. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Our generally shared quality of being literal tends to prevent these common types of reasoning and behavior. This is but one of many ways in which a Neurodivergent mind may differ from a Neurotypical one. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Are Autistic people likely, then, likely to think in iconoclastic and/or highly innovative ways? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">But of course. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Thus, I contend:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>that whereas both in their disregard for convention and the taken-for-granted, and in their lack of self-justification in conducting themselves as they wish (as is most convenient, easy, desirable, and so on) because they see the inherent contradictions in doing so, Autistic people indeed tend to be more ethical and more original; </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>that the very things they are lampooned for are in fact precious traits that not only further human progress, they further human goodness; </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">and</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">•<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>that their failed efforts to fit in fail because the structures of Neurotypical culture are inherently harmful—not just to we Autistic people, but to all people and to the planet;</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">the prevailing prejudice that Autistic people are lacking or less-than is patently false. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Given the current ubiquity of horrible prejudices (in the face of reason), environmental-corporate devastation (against all wisdom), and spurious societal-political-personal phenomena (versus virtue), rational, logical, incontrovertible reasoning combined with original thinking may be our only recourse. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">In Wollstonecraft’s immortal words, “The mind must be strong that resolutely forms its own principles.” Such minds, such worthy human beings, must be cherished and nurtured for the good of all humanity.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Wollstonecraft holds that the apex of our rights and duties involves the “perfection of our nature and capability of happiness.” Autistic people must have opportunities to be their whole selves, and to be happy, if we are to contribute desperately needed new perspectives and ideas. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Only with genuine equity and equality enabling full participation and self-realization will honoring the rights of Autistics bring these vital contributions to the world.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><b style="background-color: black;">II.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The Plain Version</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">We can use lots of completely solid philosophical arguments to come to the conclusion that not only are different ways of thinking valuable and often more logically and ethically correct than mainstream ways of thinking, but they may also be the only thing that can save this crazy world right about now. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">As likely Autistic person Albert Einstein said, ““You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">This means basic goodness, civil rights, and social justice are not the sole reasons for furthering the human rights and improving the lives of Autistic people. We might even help save the world. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><b>III.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The Original </b>[from <i>Vindication of the Rights of Woman</i>, Mary Wollstonecraft, 1792]</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div></div></div></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></div></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">In the present state of society, it appears necessary to go back to first principles in search of the most simple truths, and to dispute with some prevailing prejudice every inch of ground. To clear my way, I must be allowed to ask some plain questions, and the answers will probably appear as unequivocal as the axioms on which reasoning is built; though, when entangled with various motives of action, they are formally contradicted, either by the words or conduct of men.</span></div></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">In what does man's pre-eminence over the brute creation consist? The answer is as clear as that a half is less than the whole; in Reason.</span></div></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">What acquirement exalts one being above another? Virtue; we spontaneously reply.</span></div></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">For what purpose were the passions implanted? That man by struggling with them might attain a degree of knowledge denied to the brutes: whispers Experience.</span></div></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Consequently the perfection of our nature and capability of happiness, must be estimated by the degree of reason, virtue, and knowledge, that distinguish the individual, and direct the laws which bind society: and that from the exercise of reason, knowledge and virtue naturally flow, is equally undeniable, if mankind be viewed collectively.</span></div></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The rights and duties of man thus simplified, it seems almost impertinent to attempt to illustrate truths that appear so incontrovertible: yet such deeply rooted prejudices have clouded reason, and such spurious qualities have assumed the name of virtues, that it is necessary to pursue the course of reason as it has been perplexed and involved in error, by various adventitious circumstances, comparing the simple axiom with casual deviations.</span></div></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Men, in general, seem to employ their reason to justify prejudices, which they have imbibed, they cannot trace how, rather than to root them out. The mind must be strong that resolutely forms its own principles; for a kind of intellectual cowardice prevails which makes many men shrink from the task, or only do it by halves. Yet the imperfect conclusions thus drawn, are frequently very plausible, because they are built on partial experience, on just, though narrow, views.</span></div></div></div></div></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">QED. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Thanks and love,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">P.S. Here's a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xjoM884K4c">video of a recent talk </a>I gave on The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Advocacy!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div></div><br /><br /></div><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-71268802693567384312023-08-21T11:30:00.001-07:002023-08-21T11:34:03.976-07:00SCHOOL TESTING, 2023<p><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicIE5E4ZS5eh94844-JxYUMIIWYLeu2uB4DqRvptaUNCpn0CNrirY16_uBbEJ2qkI9_1ItetgXDtpil4TkcdZpK-POXj5wUf4OGEIeWtR4c5EhE3qH2iacnzhniNcK8neJoFroA3SzYCVHcFQ0BjSJb-K0-2Z_bARj5QE4zc8eudBFNk6f85rCqUojbnLy/s790/Screenshot%202023-08-21%20at%202.33.21%20PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="522" data-original-width="790" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicIE5E4ZS5eh94844-JxYUMIIWYLeu2uB4DqRvptaUNCpn0CNrirY16_uBbEJ2qkI9_1ItetgXDtpil4TkcdZpK-POXj5wUf4OGEIeWtR4c5EhE3qH2iacnzhniNcK8neJoFroA3SzYCVHcFQ0BjSJb-K0-2Z_bARj5QE4zc8eudBFNk6f85rCqUojbnLy/w235-h155/Screenshot%202023-08-21%20at%202.33.21%20PM.png" width="235" /></a></span></div><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"><br />When my co-author and I committed to writing back-to-school posts as part of our #ActuallyAutistic book outreach with Jessica Kingsley Press/Hachette, I literally could not think of a better back-to-school message to uplift families than one about the glories of schools welcoming and celebrating our children </span><i style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;">exactly as they are</i><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;">. </span><p></p><p><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;">This post was originally meant to apply to the kinds of testing that children undergo during the U.S. IEP (individualized education plan) process, but it has resonated over the years with parents, educators, and students from all over dealing with standardized testing in general. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;">And so, without further ado, here is "School Testing," a personal favorite--and my most read post of all time...: </span></p><p><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"><br /></span></p><p><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Dear Persons,</span></a></p><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">This spring, I received the voluminous results of a huge barrage of testing for my son G’s three-year evaluation for his IEP (individualized education plan). Among many, many, many other outcomes, I was informed that G had scored under the first percentile in “Irony.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Although we have had him on a strict Monty Python/Austin Powers program for some time, and the kid has a fantastic sense of humor, we realize that perhaps he may well be lacking in “Irony.” Like many individuals who don’t fit the typical “norms” or test “average” in many areas, G excels (sometimes extraordinarily) in some areas and is less skilled (sometimes remarkably so) in others.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In my experience, these sorts of test results--lower than expected, very uneven--are actually “normal” for many people on the autism spectrum, people with ADHD, people with sensory processing differences, people who are neurodivergent and/or disabled and/or differently-abled and/or quirky and/or don’t care about testing...<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Just once, though, I’d like to receive some test results along the following lines:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Dear Dr. Full Spectrum Mama,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Here are our test results for your accepted-just-as-he-is child.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">G scored in the 70<sup>th</sup> percentile for “Telling Bad Jokes.” Although we found that his jokes were generally pretty lame, and noted, significantly, that he was almost always the only one laughing at said jokes, his score was slightly lower because he at times did in fact <i>stop</i> telling jokes, especially when asked to “stop repeating that joke which we have already heard seven times.” Still, this is a respectable “Telling Bad Jokes” score, and something he should feel good about.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We noted several areas of growth. G’s “Confidence in the Face of a Lot of Really Daunting Obstacles” outcome has improved by 50 percentage points – to the 88<sup>th</sup> percentile - since he was last evaluated in his former school where he was getting bullied. Also improved were his ratings in “Zipping Pants” (up by 20, to 61<sup>st</sup> percentile), “Blowing Nose Rather Than Just Letting Snot Drip Down” (up by 15, to 56<sup>th</sup>), and “Overall Executive Function” (up by 3, to 4<sup>th</sup>).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">His “Amazing Metaphorical/Metaphysical Insights Not Necessarily Appreciated by Peers but Mind-Blowing for Adults” score remains very high (92<sup>nd</sup> percentile), as corroborated by many of his teachers in the narrative portion of the evaluation; while the closely-related “Willingness to Write It Down According to Assignment, Dangit” score remains alarmingly low (5<sup>th</sup> percentile). <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We would also like to raise some concerns around the fact that G’s “Remembering School Stuff” score of 8<sup>th</sup> percentile does not seem to match his remarkable achievements in the areas of “Remembering How Many Days I Have Been Dating ___ “ (98<sup>th</sup> percentile), or “Remembering the Tiniest Details About Every Pokemon, Ever” (99<sup>th</sup> percentile) - even with a 10% margin of error.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">His IEP should reflect the need for accommodation in the former area, yet also take into account the possibility that G may have an asymmetrical range of priorities specific to his own...priorities.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Some of his strongest scores were in “Wonderfulness” (85<sup>th</sup> percentile; this score was mitigated by “Teenage Rote Sullenness” [45<sup>th</sup>]); “Interest in Girls” (98<sup>th</sup> percentile; this test is administered according to self-reported sexual preference and controls for Trying-to-act-like-you-are-not-thinking-about-____-All.The.Time); and “Thinking About Pokemon” (90<sup>th</sup> percentile; down nine points from previous score - possibly offset by “Interest in Girls”). “Knowing the Names of Pixies, David Bowie, Nirvana, and Red Hot Chili Peppers Songs,” at 65<sup>th</sup> percentile, was also solidly above average. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He should continue to build on these strengths.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Although he scored just above average in “Teenage Boy Flatulence” (58<sup>th</sup> percentile), when measured against the general population G’s gassiness was easily in the top 10%.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Most importantly, for being unfailingly kind and polite (even thankful!) to our extensive testing staff, and for countless other reasons, G scored off the charts (above the 99<sup>th</sup> percentile!) in “Being Himself.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Congratulations,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The Testing People<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoXFapZtlYDrJuZ-Ilw56V1a2nyyDMR_u7GAgR_7T-MV9atSTXyRmW44WQqcsGco0SuAPyIsGTPCs7ChdxGCCQerq3EYCMqrTQZRu079feUKrZvLe4LzWHbsbnmftBfZ0sAcdZN591qwVl/s1600/fsmtesting.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoXFapZtlYDrJuZ-Ilw56V1a2nyyDMR_u7GAgR_7T-MV9atSTXyRmW44WQqcsGco0SuAPyIsGTPCs7ChdxGCCQerq3EYCMqrTQZRu079feUKrZvLe4LzWHbsbnmftBfZ0sAcdZN591qwVl/s400/fsmtesting.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span></div><br />Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-26006336881966795872022-10-24T03:51:00.001-07:002022-10-25T11:55:39.069-07:00A SERIES OF HUMBLE REQUESTS #3*: Please stop calling autism a disease. <p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzEVfPMZbnk6AV0GEAA3JOXdcfyw-JaRWNBZpKHIAjDKfbGpC8Vmxn9ZAp_z0v4v0fUEdCsHtXUpeK906NPayJNpjLKjWt_1gnvd3Df0h8MY7OWsknTcj1jDQ0iIvcurCSjeVpjqYaU5xeh2do_NZtuwFYLuha_2bQh-n4HWDz1ByQo1C5xxZjHGrG4g/s4024/FSM%20%22disease%22%20%233.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4024" data-original-width="1940" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzEVfPMZbnk6AV0GEAA3JOXdcfyw-JaRWNBZpKHIAjDKfbGpC8Vmxn9ZAp_z0v4v0fUEdCsHtXUpeK906NPayJNpjLKjWt_1gnvd3Df0h8MY7OWsknTcj1jDQ0iIvcurCSjeVpjqYaU5xeh2do_NZtuwFYLuha_2bQh-n4HWDz1ByQo1C5xxZjHGrG4g/s320/FSM%20%22disease%22%20%233.jpg" width="154" /></span></a></div><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><b><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Please stop calling autism a disease.</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Disease is defined variously as “(an) illness of people, animals, plants, etc., caused by infection or a failure of health rather than by an accident” (<a href="https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/disease">Cambridge</a>), or “an illness affecting humans, animals or plants, often caused by infection,” (<a href="https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/disease">Oxford</a>). Some broader definitions talk about <a href="https://www.yourdictionary.com/disease">genetic defects</a> or <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/disease">abnormalities</a>, but all of them refer to a <i>problem</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Similarly, consider definitions of the term “syndrome”: “a group of signs and symptoms that occur together and characterize a particular abnormality or condition” (<a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/syndrome">Merriam-Webster</a>), or “a group of symptoms that together are characteristic of a specific disorder, disease, or the like” (<a href="https://www.dictionary.com/browse/syndrome">Dictionary.com</a>)—“symptom” meaning, of course, “a physical or mental feature which is regarded as indicating a condition of disease” (<a href="https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/">Oxford).</a> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Even the word </span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2022/09/a-series-of-humble-requests-2-please.html">“diagnosis”</a> </span><span style="background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">is problematic. After all, if we sidestep its medical implications, it still directly refers to something negative. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">Do these sound like great ways to characterize a substantial portion of the population? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I personally would like to disease-ify and stigmatize discrimination, cruelty, greed, selfishness…—things that cause harm. Or what about those people who cut in front of elderly people in grocery lines because they’re “too slow,” or wear shirts that say “Y’all are wrong, but Jesus loves you anyway,” or don’t pick up their dog’s poop? Can we pathologize them?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">But frame Autistic people as fundamentally (medically/physiologically) compromised or flawed? Not so much. So let’s say, for the many reasons outlined above and below, that we agree to stop referring to autism as a “disease” and the like (e.g., a “syndrome” or “disorder”). What, then, is it? Is it a personality type? A genetic and/or epigenetic difference? A disability? Is it a debilitating condition, a superpower, or simply <a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2022/08/a-series-of-humble-requests-1-please.html">a way of being human</a>…or perhaps all of the above, sometimes? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">There are a lot of ways to approach this question, some uplifting, some harmful, others more neutral. But there are many, many reasons to stop using such terms in interpersonal interactions, <i>even before we’ve definitively decided how to <b>define </b>autism</i>. As just one example, autism is sometimes referred to by medical and other professionals as a “disorder” because, <b>as determined/judged by neuro-normative methods</b>, we Autistic people can sometimes be “out of sync” with what is considered “typical” or “normal.” Yet we ourselves may experience the neurotypical world as disordered! <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">For many of us, autism is an<i> identity</i>. It’s what helps us make sense of ourselves and of the world. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">If we are to be literal—and hey, you know me—autism is a neurological difference. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">But despite these basic facts, there is a prevailing stereotype among many people that Autistic people have a (presumably chronic) disease, and/or that there is “something wrong with us.” And commonly used pathologized language reflects this bias. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">To be clear, I’m trying to address approaches to Autistic neurodivergence in mainstream culture and personal relationships. I do understand that the c<i>urrent </i>medical-professional model holds that autism is a “disorder,” and that (regardless of my opinion on the matter) this model helps some specialists conceptualize their work and may at times help them help the people they are working with. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">But I am <i>in here</i>. In this body-mind. And I know who I am. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I am a person with a particular kind of brain. A brain that may not be “typical,” but one that gives me what I have come to see as great strengths, including moral, ethical, intellectual, and other gifts that to me far outweigh the “deficits” NT norms foist upon me. There is nothing wrong with me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">There is nothing inherently wrong with any Autistic person. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Again, I get that there are contexts in which a medical perspective can be helpful, even necessary. <b>Everyday conversations and interactions, human to human, are not those contexts.</b> And yet the disease-ification of autism is disturbingly persistent <i>in daily life</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The medicalization of this neurodivergent way of being is in large part driven by the autism industry—mostly well-meaning, mostly neurotypical people who are in large part trying to teach Autistic people how to not be Autistic (or, at least, to be <i>less </i>Autistic). In some cases, preying upon parents, especially of the newly-diagnosed. Sometimes inflicting pharmaceutical treatments, quack “health” remedies, invasive therapies, and more, with the goal of “fixing” Autistic children, youth, even adults. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">This enterprise directly shapes public perceptions of autism.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Much of the autism industry would indeed have us believe autism is not only a sort of disease, but one that can be both <i>prevented</i> and <i>cured</i>. Except insofar as parents who fit certain autism-“causing” criteria can indeed decide that they don’t want to reproduce, both groups are incorrect.** <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Of course, there are countless ways we can <i>improve</i> our lives, by, for example, tweaking our sensory environments, evolving our ways of interacting, developing technologies that allow nonspeaking people to communicate if they choose to do so, or promoting more inclusive schools. And professionals can certainly sometimes play a role in these beneficial changes. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">That doesn’t mean we need to be “fixed.” <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; font-size: 16pt;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">It means we need certain changes so that the NT-designed world <i>isn’t disabling to us</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">But addressing autism is a many, many billion dollar industry, from diagnosis to treatment. Professional gatekeeping alone (diagnosis, evaluation, development of treatment standards and academic, federal, state, and other protocols) accounts for billions.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Most parties involved are truly trying to help people. But good intentions do not necessarily make for good actions. The interventions on offer run the gamut from scaffolding healthy growth in the direction of each individual becoming their best self (and hey, that’s wonderful—we all need that!) to discriminatorily and cruelly forcing people to undergo experiences and act in ways that actively harm them as unique beings. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Do these latter interventions work? Generally, no, although masking and other “passing” skills can sometimes be learned—usually at great personal cost.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">It can be disturbing to look at the numbers—the glut of autism professionals, the enormous quantities of money generated—in the autism industry and then consider how few #ActuallyAutistic voices are represented in it. In my outreach to promote our first advocacy book, I have had an extremely high response rate for consulting and speaking…except with for-profit autism organizations led by neurotypical experts. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Gripes about the autism-industrial complex notwithstanding, people in general, in day-to-day life, need to know that <i>people</i> are involved here. We are not sick. We are whole, growing, human beings who want you to understand that Autism is not a disease, it’s a difference, a somewhat common expression of humanity. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">So, family, friends, partners, educators, professionals, please join Autistic people who hope to be seen as fully valid, equal, worthy human beings <i>just as they are</i> in refusing to use disease-oriented language that mischaracterizes and degrades us. Here’s a quick list why:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">1. Calling autism a disease or insisting it is a syndrome or disorder (please see above explanations of how the latter term arises, as well as when it <i>might </i>be provisionally appropriate) intrinsically marginalizes—and often hurts and demeans—Autistic people, especially when such language is used in interpersonal interactions.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">2. Imposing a disease framework on Autistic neurology pathologizes a common neurological <b><i>difference</i></b>. This medicalized perspective inherently indicates a need for <i>treatment</i>, thereby implying, incorrectly, that Autistic people can and should be “cured.” <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">3. Referring to autism as a disease (or similar) implicitly supports branches of the lucrative autism industry that oppress, marginalize, and discriminate against Autistic people.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">4.Choosing to use inclusive, respectful, non-pathologizing language as a default does not preclude deploying medical (or other) terms when requested based on personal preference or mandated for access and/or equity. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">5. Removing the “disease” designation puts the onus on the public—including governments, schools, universities, organizations, and other institutions, as well as NT individuals—to look at ways environments and cultures can include and uplift people of <i>all</i> neurologies, rather than expecting us to justify and change ourselves to suit the "normal" mold. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">6. Replacing the assumptions underlying such language with an inclusive, pro-neurodiversity mindset creates space for unconditional acceptance and contributes to a culture that encourages and celebrates the unique, diverse strengths of all humans.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Thank you so very much!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Love,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Full Spectrum Mama<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">* A SERIES OF HUMBLE REQUESTS:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">After my book came out and I began to be a bit more in the public eye, I realized there were three recurring issues I wanted to address in this safe space so that I could refer people to my opinion on the topic without having to go into it on the spot. Like many Autistic people (and others, too, I am sure), I have a hard time thinking AND feeling AND speaking at the same time. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">There are certain questions and uses of language put forth mainly by neurotypical people—in my experience, not just via media outlets, but also audiences and, actually, friends—that the vast majority of neurodivergent people find extremely offensive <i>even when they are not meant to be hurtful</i>. In this series of three posts, I’m going to focus on three of these: saying “Everyone is a little Autistic,” asking about our diagnosis, and referring to autism as a disease, or similar. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">My book with Jenna Gensic, <a href="https://us.jkp.com/collections/author-jennifer-brunton-pid-239626/products/the-actuallyautistic-guide-to-advocacy">The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Advocacy</a>, is full of positive, proactive ideas, but sometimes I do get frustrated—and this blog has been known to contain a vent or two. Jenna and I used to feel really anxious, and sometimes defensive, when people would call us out on mistakes we’d made (with language, assumptions, etc.), but we eventually came to genuinely see such interactions as learning opportunities. Now we explain—in our books and to our audiences, as I am doing here, now, at Full Spectrum Mama—that we are always discovering how to communicate and act in more uplifting ways. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">While first writing this series of posts, I was going to call it “Stop it!” And please do stop, if you are doing any of these three things. But I took some deep breaths and changed my wording to be a bit friendlier, in hopes that lots of people will take in this guidance as helpful and heartfelt, as it was intended. After all, we are here together on this planet to learn and grow!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The above is the third and final offering in this series.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Next up: I’m digging into two different trains of thought: <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">for one, <u>a series of three essays on employment:</u><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Seeking welcoming work environments<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Disclosure and asking for accommodations<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Dealing with corporate and institutional environments; <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">and for another, <u>a long piece or series on Autistic biologically born female humans</u>. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I’m not sure when these will be done—there is a lot going on in the Full Spectrum family!—but I am working on them. Thanks a bunch for reading!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">** Last spring, instead of publishing a ready-to-go article on our advocacy book, <i>Columbia Magazine</i> (citing space issues for the topic of autism) chose to publish <a href="https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/what-causes-autism-study-100000-kids-reveals-new-clues">an article about autism-prevention research</a>. Literally. The original subtitle was “How to prevent autism,” but there was plenty of outcry over that and they changed it. They also graciously included my rather frank opinion on the prior piece when they did publish <a href="https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/advocating-autism-community-within">a profile of me focused on <i>The #ActuallyAutistic Guide</i></a>.</span><span style="color: #202124;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p></p>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-75671337948584726082022-09-26T04:17:00.002-07:002022-10-24T03:57:34.825-07:00A SERIES OF HUMBLE REQUESTS #2*: Please stop asking about our diagnosis. <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRTkhhgenBr_EEoHpYX_IBpsyt2STnpAlpk77DC1PCNusI6EmjknnwkZIr8JCyHLmBa4CjpKN5QcRuG5F9JkHs3A44c_fN1otHTmbx1cD9lGH0aud9Ww4EQUVjitrvI4URZR7p4uzOCyHZd0YJxyZbqTYdL-zEbtX-J7jbpknnaLziXIq_y2L3VlnZNw/s3602/fsm%20stop%20it%20%232.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3602" data-original-width="2400" height="469" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRTkhhgenBr_EEoHpYX_IBpsyt2STnpAlpk77DC1PCNusI6EmjknnwkZIr8JCyHLmBa4CjpKN5QcRuG5F9JkHs3A44c_fN1otHTmbx1cD9lGH0aud9Ww4EQUVjitrvI4URZR7p4uzOCyHZd0YJxyZbqTYdL-zEbtX-J7jbpknnaLziXIq_y2L3VlnZNw/w312-h469/fsm%20stop%20it%20%232.jpg" width="312" /></a></div><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><b><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Please stop asking about our diagnosis.</span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I received an autism diagnosis in my late 30s. It was a non-event. I literally don’t think I told anyone. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I already knew I was Autistic. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I was, at the time, being diagnosed and treated by a psychologist for CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder, stemming from long-term and varied trauma), and did not then (or ever) view my neurodivergence as something to “fix.” I was also going through a divorce, move, autoimmune disease diagnosis, and career change…as a single mom. So just getting through a day without a family disastrophe felt like a win.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">As well, </span></span><span style="background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">a professional diagnosis meant less to me than it might to others: L</span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">ike many Autistic people, I tend to not respect authority or pay attention to hierarchy. This tendency has done wonders for my career!**</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The diagnostic process my son went through with a pediatric neurologist around the same time was much more intensive. It was also way more important because, as an elementary school student, his specific diagnosis would impact his life immensely as far as school learning, social development, and more over the entire course of his education.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">As it turned out, those school years required an enormous amount of advocacy on my part, during which I came upon many things (information, Autistic activists) that enabled and empowered me to think critically about the role the neurotypically-designed/-oriented world plays in the success—or lack thereof—of neurodivergent people in all their endeavors. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The diagnostic process, for example, is fundamentally grounded in neuro-normalized values and skills; that is, the measures and tools used for evaluation are determined and shaped by neurotypical standards, which may not be shared, understood, or considered worth aspiring to by the neurodivergent human being evaluated. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">A diagnosis can thus be potentially demeaning and marginalizing, even as it may feel like a clarification or open certain otherwise-closed doors for the Autistic person. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Such diagnoses are <i>officially</i> required for people to <i>officially</i> qualify for certain public/insurance/government/medical/employment/educational accommodations and/or services <i>that exist to create equity</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">But the diagnostic process is often extremely grueling for the human being getting diagnosed, as it very much was for my son. Worse, those official designations typically require further evaluation and corroboration at designated intervals or during transitions (say, from the public school system to adulthood), so that the process is partially or fully duplicated, thereby repeatedly reinforcing differences and, <i>at best,</i> making the humans involved feel like laboratory specimens.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I was already cooked. I had seen and made sense of myself through the lens of autism for more than a decade already, proudly considering myself self-diagnosed all along. So I didn’t expect my autism diagnosis to change anything (I did hope my therapist could help me heal some of the devastating and debilitating effects of my PTSD). I also—thinking a full neuropsych evaluation was the only way to “legitimately” diagnose autism <i>by NT standards</i>—didn’t feel a need to share my “new” “status.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">For many, a diagnosis feels like a validation, a structure on which to rest big feelings. Armor, in a way. For others, though, it can be a burden. Something to hide—or avoid in the first place. For most of us, it’s a mixed thing, carrying as it does all the public and private positives and negatives of any label that represents difference. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">But, in contrast with the aforementioned exceptions—in which disclosure and “proof” are deemed necessary in order to receive equity-promoting services or accommodations—sharing a diagnosis (or lack thereof) is not a given or required part of the social sphere. It’s fundamentally a private matter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Furthermore, asking us to explain, define, discuss, or defend our diagnosis (or, again, lack thereof) is just a step too far—unless we offer. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">So while curiosity and the desire to better understand a person or their neurology (or neurodivergence in general) may fuel your desire to ask about our diagnosis, that interest would be better spent in doing your own research and/or just <span style="font-size: 16pt;">practicing plain old acceptance</span>. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Trust me, if we want to share, we will. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Here’s a handy list of reasons why asking about our diagnosis might feel upsetting, invasive, inappropriate, or offensive, <i>even if your intentions are good</i>:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">1. Another person’s diagnosis is nunya. What’s nunya? Nunya business. I understand that I, as a “public figure” have some responsibility to share my diagnosis, but in my personal life? Not so much. And others not in my position have no obligation to disclose their diagnosis except where personally, professionally, medically, and/or educationally necessary.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">2. People make assumptions about who people <i>are</i>, as well as what they <i>need</i> and are <i>capable of</i>, based on almost any diagnosis or label, but especially this one. For this and many other reasons, it should be up to us to choose disclosure—or not.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">3. Autism, while framed as a medical condition by some (<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2022/10/a-series-of-humble-requests-3-please.html">please see the next post in this series, coming in October 2022</a>), is actually an identity for many. You don’t ask me to <i>prove</i> I’m a yogi or a writer or a mom or queer or politically progressive…Why would you ask me about the corroborating details of my neurology? <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">4. Not everybody can afford, access, or <i>handle</i> (emotionally, sensorially, physically, psychologically…) the diagnostic process. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">5. Putting a lot of weight into diagnosis amplifies and perpetuates the disease model of autism (again, please stay tuned for <a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2022/10/a-series-of-humble-requests-3-please.html">the third post in this series</a>). Also, although it may have its uses, the word “diagnosis” itself (especially when used in interpersonal interactions) can make it seem as if there’s something “wrong” with us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">6. Self-diagnosis is largely affirmed and respected among Autistic people. Insisting on a professional gatekeeper’s opinion diminishes this neurodivergent community’s authority, as well as the validity of personal insight. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">7. Asking about our diagnosis can feel othering. This is especially hard because many of us already feel like we are on the wrong planet. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">8. Corollary to the statement “<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2022/08/a-series-of-humble-requests-1-please.html">We are all a little autistic</a>” is the accusation or “compliment” (from this Autistic’s perspective, both angles are equally messed up) “You don’t seem [look, act…] Autistic.” Biologically born female Autistics are underdiagnosed, and often experience and express their neurodivergence very differently from the common stereotypes of the “typical” Autistic person. Furthermore, all biologically born Autistic females—along with biologically born male, trans, nonbinary, and, in short, <i>all</i> Autistic people—are unique human beings, and therefore may or may not represent your vision of autism. That doesn’t give you the right to explore, never mind question, their identity and/or diagnosis. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Now, if you want to ask us—person-to-person—who we are and what we care about as a <i>fellow human being</i> in this challenging, beautiful, crazy, neurotypically-oriented world, go for it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Thank you!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Love,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Full Spectrum Mama<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Labels: diagnosis, stereotype, labeling, awareness, acceptance, biologically born female Autistic, Autistic, #ActuallyAutistic, neurodiversity, privacy, curiosity, burden, chocolate,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">* A SERIES OF HUMBLE REQUESTS:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">After my book came out and I began to be a bit more in the public eye, I realized there were three recurring issues I wanted to address in this safe space so that I could refer people to my opinion on the topic without having to go into it on the spot. Like many Autistic people (and others, too, I am sure), I have a hard time thinking AND feeling AND speaking at the same time. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">There are certain questions and uses of language put forth mainly by neurotypical people—in my experience, not just via media outlets, but also audiences and, actually, friends—that the vast majority of neurodivergent people find extremely offensive <i>even when they are not meant to be hurtful</i>. In this series of three posts, I’m going to focus on three of these: saying “Everyone is a little Autistic,” asking about our diagnosis, and referring to autism as a disease, or similar. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">My book with Jenna Gensic, <a href="https://us.jkp.com/collections/author-jennifer-brunton-pid-239626/products/the-actuallyautistic-guide-to-advocacy">The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Advocacy</a>, is full of positive, proactive ideas, but sometimes I do get frustrated—and this blog has been known to contain a vent or two. Jenna and I used to feel really anxious, and sometimes defensive, when people would call us out on mistakes we’d made (with language, assumptions, etc.), but we eventually came to genuinely see such interactions as learning opportunities. Now we explain—in our books and to our audiences, as I am doing here, now, at Full Spectrum Mama—that we are always discovering how to communicate and act in more uplifting ways. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">While first writing this series of posts, I was going to call it “Stop it!” And please do stop, if you are doing any of these three things. But I took some deep breaths and changed my wording to be a bit friendlier, in hopes that lots of people will take in this guidance as helpful and heartfelt, as it was intended. After all, we are here together on this planet to learn and grow!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The above is the second in this series.</span><span style="color: #202124; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">** Irony. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="color: #202124;"> </span></p><p></p>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-83852341990422296242022-08-15T04:04:00.002-07:002023-01-22T09:11:21.182-08:00A SERIES OF HUMBLE REQUESTS #1*: Please stop saying “Everyone is a little Autistic.”<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8-Ap0AABZfYby0waRIekNyhtbweLMtQluz5WNKhZhXxnNTuaUbSst1hu7IaAsXwlJJpnMED2rBRcbZnrgokuD8yHgKb78UoRVihrIrLf5FlPOxW_DH8ZrancM0n5j2vesQf8KyIvtIc1TxG4_NxE0QUzXRXOv3H0DK8zF0qY75xhbE5O5lJ1ix1AYnQ/s3228/fsm%20stop%20it%20%231.jpg" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3228" data-original-width="1839" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8-Ap0AABZfYby0waRIekNyhtbweLMtQluz5WNKhZhXxnNTuaUbSst1hu7IaAsXwlJJpnMED2rBRcbZnrgokuD8yHgKb78UoRVihrIrLf5FlPOxW_DH8ZrancM0n5j2vesQf8KyIvtIc1TxG4_NxE0QUzXRXOv3H0DK8zF0qY75xhbE5O5lJ1ix1AYnQ/s320/fsm%20stop%20it%20%231.jpg" width="182" /></span></a></div><span style="color: #eeeeee;"><br /></span><b><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Please Stop Saying “Everyone Is a Little Autistic.”</span></b><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Autism is an expression of the way human brains can grow. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">While the medicalization and professional gatekeeping around autism pose challenges and injustices of their own, they have resulted in a definitive description of this particular form of neurodivergence. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Autism is officially defined as a “disorder” (lots more on this language in <a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2022/10/a-series-of-humble-requests-3-please.html">the third post in this series!</a>) involving two key developmental differences, one broadly involving social communication and the other encompassing repetitive and/or intensive behaviors and/or foci, as well as sensory differences. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">EVERY Autistic person—whatever their support needs, how they refer to themselves, etc., etc.—shares these two neurological traits to a certain degree. And if you don’t? You’re not Autistic.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Sure, you may well be neurodivergent in some other way, and perhaps you’d like to explore that possibility on your own or consult with a professional. Or you may be neurotypical. We are all growing and learning about ourselves and others, so investigating aspects of language and neurology as part of that journey can be helpful for everyone. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">And there certainly <i>is </i>a spectrum of <i>ways of being human</i>, with some of us a little more awkward or smooth, quirky or conventional, obsessive or detached, introverted or extroverted, and so on. But that proves we are indeed “all on the human spectrum,” not that “we are all on the autism spectrum.” <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">[Edit 1/22/23:] Here is a great discussion of how it <i>can</i> be inclusive when someone says that <i>they themselves</i> are "a little [something]": </span><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/22/opinion/neurodiverse-ocd-mental-health.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare">https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/22/opinion/neurodiverse-ocd-mental-health.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare</a>.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I’m willing to bet the majority of Autistic people have heard someone (usually, more than one someone) say a variation of this phrase. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">One reason it stinks when we hear those words is that we <i>also</i> often hear people referring to autism in pejorative or discriminatory ways. So it’s like you want to be in this club when it suits you, but otherwise, no thanks…If that’s the case, are you really uplifting and including Autistic people? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Another reason is that some people will find ways to write you off because of your neurology—which would<i> not</i> be the case if we actually were “all on the spectrum,” right? They’ll say (or <i>think</i>) “Oh, they’re just saying that because they don’t get it,” or “You’re being black and white again.” These kinds of judgements allow people to devalue or dismiss your opinion as inferior to theirs (or to the mainstream viewpoint). <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Trust me, even as someone with a fancy doctorate and extensive experience teaching ethics and philosophy I still get this, even from people who are close to me. And it hurts. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">On a very basic level, if your lived experience doesn’t entail these kinds of discriminations, stating that you are/everyone is “a little Autistic” is…not helpful. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Giving us a list of all the “weird” stuff you do (much of which typically has nothing to do with autism) to “demonstrate” your “autism”…also not helpful. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">By the way, everyone<b><i> is</i></b> “a little weird.” This one likes peanut butter-cheese-kimchi sandwiches; that one loves listening to Kenny G or enjoys doing interpretive dance. Some people don’t like puppies (???). Some don’t like people (more understandable). Others genuinely believe they have been injected with alien DNA. But I digress.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I’m sure many Autistic people could add to my reasons for why this phrase is problematic, but I’m going to add just one more here: Autistic people were not put on this earth to explain and define autism to others, never mind offer their “autism credentials” to every person who doesn’t know what autism entails. The latter is particularly arduous for those of us who, whether by choice or trauma, have become more adept at masking. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I’ve taken on an “explainer” role in my blog and books in part because of my frustration over misperceptions and ignorance around neurodiversity, but even I get tired of having this role imposed on me. In brief, a diagnosis—whether via a professional evaluation or a serious, informed, deeply considered self-diagnosis (I’ll cover this topic in <a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2022/09/a-series-of-humble-requests-2-please.html">the second post in this series)</a>—is probably the best way to tell if you are #ActuallyAutistic. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I do not know why people feel compelled to tell me they are/everybody is “a little” Autistic when they are not. Are they trying to be inclusive? Kind? Are they actually ignorant? Dismissive of the very real challenges of being Autistic in a neurotypical world? Another motivation? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Someone I was discussing this with suggested many people are eager to be exceptional in some way. So it’s also potentially part of a…special snowflake competition? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I don’t know. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">And, to be honest, it’s exhausting to have to consider <i>intent</i> every time someone says something along these lines. Especially—and factually, literally—since it’s nonsense. We are not “all on the spectrum.” <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Now, obviously, neurotypical people are not monolithic. They are as different from each other as they might be from any Autistic person. What they are not…is <i>Autistic</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">And so, dear readers, if you have innocently used this phrase and/or others like it, please reconsider next time—and don’t. We <i>know</i> you aren’t trying to be upsetting, but…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Here’s a quick list (you know I love my lists) why we’d like you to abstain:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">1. Saying “Everyone is a little Autistic” is factually incorrect.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">2. It silences and diminishes the real lived experiences of Autistic people.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">3. It ignores the social, professional, political, and other discriminations and personal challenges Autistic people must contend with daily that non-Autistic people do not endure.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">4. It places a burden on Autistic people to clarify definitions and emphasize their own differences.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Thank you so much!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Love,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee;"><span style="font-family: courier;">Full Spectrum Mama</span><span style="font-family: courier;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: courier;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">* A SERIES OF HUMBLE REQUESTS:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">After my book came out and I began to be a bit more in the public eye, I realized there were three recurring issues I wanted to address in this safe space so that I could refer people to my opinion on the topic without having to go into it on the spot. Like many Autistic people (and others, too, I am sure), I have a hard time thinking AND feeling AND speaking at the same time. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">There are certain questions and uses of language put forth mainly by neurotypical people—in my experience, not just via media outlets, but also audiences and, actually, friends—that the vast majority of neurodivergent people find extremely offensive <i>even when they are not meant to be hurtful</i>. In this series of three posts, I’m going to focus on three of these: saying “Everyone is a little Autistic,” asking about our diagnosis, and referring to autism as a disease, or similar. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">My book with Jenna Gensic, <a href="https://us.jkp.com/collections/author-jennifer-brunton-pid-239626/products/the-actuallyautistic-guide-to-advocacy">The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Advocacy</a>, is full of positive, proactive ideas, but sometimes I do get frustrated—and this blog has been known to contain a vent or two. Jenna and I used to feel really anxious, and sometimes defensive, when people would call us out on mistakes we’d made (with language, assumptions, etc.), but we eventually came to genuinely see such interactions as learning opportunities. Now we explain—in our books and to our audiences, as I am doing here, now, at Full Spectrum Mama—that we are always discovering how to communicate and act in more uplifting ways. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">While first writing this series of posts, I was going to call it “Stop it!” And please do stop, if you are doing any of these three things. But I took some deep breaths and changed my wording to be a bit friendlier, in hopes that lots of people will take in this guidance as helpful and heartfelt, as it was intended. After all, we are here together on this planet to learn and grow!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: courier;">The above is the first in this series.</span><span style="background-color: black; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; margin: 0in 0in 12pt;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"> </span></span></p><p></p>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-76600476606824788762022-01-19T10:25:00.001-08:002022-04-04T11:35:11.579-07:00BOOOOOOOOOOK!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjGiv5Iiwi3dL3OyxjsERvzQpEjuLKLZGgfZxsp0zwsGincvMrZyIkCQuT3l-OIVUl2RY0cFihRanfgkwC5uGGQ3im6gP1T6LUHa7i3H7xRGItWTWdVvEqV9pbAhep1HeXOD85JkZu08ZHC54ytdkVTarWLfG3mHWB7jk-a9OaUiANBHfJHv7nw7ENK6w=s1996" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1715" data-original-width="1996" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjGiv5Iiwi3dL3OyxjsERvzQpEjuLKLZGgfZxsp0zwsGincvMrZyIkCQuT3l-OIVUl2RY0cFihRanfgkwC5uGGQ3im6gP1T6LUHa7i3H7xRGItWTWdVvEqV9pbAhep1HeXOD85JkZu08ZHC54ytdkVTarWLfG3mHWB7jk-a9OaUiANBHfJHv7nw7ENK6w=w315-h271" width="315" /></a></div><p></p><p><span style="background-color: black; color: #ffa400; font-size: medium; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: courier;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html">Dear Persons</a></span><span style="font-family: courier;">,</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238);">I hope this finds you cozy and well despite these challenging times.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">As Madeline, Judy, Celeste, and I convened for the first time 10 years ago (this month!) to discuss our initial writing group submissions, we could not have imagined what we would all go through in the following decade—or the world we would live in today.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">Nor would I have dared to dream that the wee blog I began that day would grow to have hundreds of thousands of readers interested in neurodiversity...and ultimately result in a book collaboration that means the world to me. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: courier;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: medium;">I'm over the moon to let you know that my first book with Jenna Gensic,</span><span class="apple-converted-space" style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"> </span><i style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;">The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Advocacy: Step-by-Step Advice on How to Ally and Speak Up with Autistic People and the Autism Community</i><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: medium;">, is available for pre-order</span><span class="apple-converted-space" style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"> </span><a href="https://us.jkp.com/products/the-actuallyautistic-guide-to-advocacy?_pos=1&_sid=c051f8d6b&_ss=r"><span style="color: #ffa400; font-size: large;">here</span></a><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: medium;">. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">Please stay tuned for more release information and reach out (my email is jineffable@gmail.com) if you'd like to help spread this book's message. We believe this text will serve Autistic people themselves, as well as families, educators, therapists, caregivers, friends, partners, employers, and anyone else who'd like to know more about Autistic perspectives.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black;">In addition, we've begun work on our second book,</span><span class="apple-converted-space" style="background-color: black;"> </span><i><span style="background-color: black;">The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Teen and Young Adult Advocacy and Activism: Step-by-Step Advice for Autistic Youth and Those Who Care About Them.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="background-color: black;"><i><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"> </span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">We're asking all interested Autistic teens and young adu</span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">lts to fill out our survey. Here are the links if you fit this demographic or know anybody who does (please only fill out one version):<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">SHORT survey:</span><span style="background-color: black; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #ffa400;"> <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://forms.gle/qKRmuAVsCCwEAF4A9&source=gmail&ust=1642681806531000&usg=AOvVaw0UBtvm_P1r1x5488viVWyv" href="https://forms.gle/qKRmuAVsCCwEAF4A9" target="_blank"><span style="color: #ffa400;">https://forms.gle/<wbr></wbr>qKRmuAVsCCwEAF4A9</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;">LONG survey, for people who really like writing: </span><a href="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://forms.gle/FYhmxMmvoYWpcX1e7&sa=D&source=editors&ust=1642525463204200&usg=AOvVaw2YM_5ckdU2SQCwX48AttMg" target="_blank"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.15pt;"><span style="color: #ffa400;">https://forms.gle/<wbr></wbr>FYhmxMmvoYWpcX1e7</span></span></a><span style="color: #eeeeee;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">Thank you so much for being a part of this journey to spread inclusion and awareness!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">Love,</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier; font-size: medium;">Full Spectrum Mama</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
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</div><script src="https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/widget/343006" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-18615186726273710942021-09-08T13:12:00.000-07:002021-09-08T13:12:15.626-07:00HOUSEKEEPING (Big news and a SURVEY!!!!)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_XSm4XqXoXBYaztGnj5jq8G_Fsm1Heo4XTORC4FRz4dXZ2SFNQCsEBV7WiWz1ARnCJ2nB4_MRnX78o0osJaEStkba0RsO8TXMZU7BLnnrITyv7SkJQwzzuXEDnOZjdLkQQDf2uPnoFeT2/s2048/fsm+housekeeping+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_XSm4XqXoXBYaztGnj5jq8G_Fsm1Heo4XTORC4FRz4dXZ2SFNQCsEBV7WiWz1ARnCJ2nB4_MRnX78o0osJaEStkba0RsO8TXMZU7BLnnrITyv7SkJQwzzuXEDnOZjdLkQQDf2uPnoFeT2/w241-h181/fsm+housekeeping+.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><p><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #ff9900; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Dear Persons,</span></a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I hope this post finds you well.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">And it <i>may not have found you</i> as it usually would, as the app that sent out my posts to subscribers stopped working with Blogger. If you’re here and would like to be notified of future posts, <u>try the new subscribe button</u> at upper right. I don’t know how these functions work, but I didn’t understand the old one either. I’m just hoping it will work for you! With almost 300K readers, FSM has been a success beyond my wildest dreams, at least in the connection department (still waiting for the enormous financial windfall so typical of personal blogs about family and differences…). <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Lots of other news in Full Spectrum Land. I do hope to have some new substantive posts in the coming months but for now:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><i>1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></i><!--[endif]-->My <u>first book about neurodiversity</u> is coming out on 2/21/2022. Written in collaboration with Jenna Gensic of the <a href="https://www.learnfromautistics.com/blog/">Learn From Autistics blog</a>, <i>The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Advocacy: Step-by-step advice on how to ally and speak up with Autistic individuals and the autism community</i> integrates more than a hundred interviews with Autistic people to offer guidance to anyone looking to thoughtfully, respectfully, effectively self-advocate, or advocate/ally with Autistic people. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Both Temple Grandin and John Elder Robison have already endorsed the book!!!! I’m over the moon. I’ll get a link up here when it’s available for advance purchase. You’ll also be able to contact the publishers for review copies. WOOT.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-left: 0.25in;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-left: 0.25in;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->We’ve begun work in earnest on <u>BOOK TWO</u>!!!! This book will cover many of the same advocacy themes but from a teen and young adult perspective, with a special focus on BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and other intersectional perspectives. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">To that end, <span style="font-size: 18pt;">we are looking for Autistic teens and young adults to <u>fill out our survey</u></span>, so that we can include the broadest range of voices possible. By the way, we consider self-diagnosis completely valid. If you or anyone you know fits the demographic (that is, ANY Autistic teen or young adult), please click <span style="font-size: 24pt;">****<a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdP4Vsm57B2lIyDC6dSils9T2Cilz7phWalQB1GKtUMdtvtrg/viewform">here</a>****.</span> </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Feel free to forward this survey link to anyone who might be interested. Please also note that the survey is long. Take your time, use the save/cut-and-paste options if helpful, and absolutely feel free to skip questions that don’t interest or relate to you. The ONLY required question is contact info.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Our survey was designed and is being disseminated with the brilliant and powerful young folks at <a href="https://detester.org/">Detester Magazine</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Here are some links to find out more about it:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CSPyvdkpr0S/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link">Instagram survey post </a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CS46Qrep1RX/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link">Instagram podcast post </a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=347439010334859&id=100472411698188">Facebook survey post</a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=357264822685611&id=100472411698188">Facebook podcast post </a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Thanks and love,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Full Spectrum Mama</span><o:p></o:p></p><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-54251759089857728402021-03-23T11:09:00.004-07:002021-03-23T11:43:31.491-07:00 APOCALYPSE TEAM<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1RwMVSy3hlU4tRoWZCM5b724t0esq8qs61IvIIMHp9bsKDRdWhuQGAYgZUeUtP-eGo1G1-EDvvl9j-RELuRZVT_0mekDfie147VXO-fS7sPk27yZohTd6j_SpE8npnJCvvL-0GnTfgz4M/s2048/fsm+apocalypse+team.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1353" data-original-width="2048" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1RwMVSy3hlU4tRoWZCM5b724t0esq8qs61IvIIMHp9bsKDRdWhuQGAYgZUeUtP-eGo1G1-EDvvl9j-RELuRZVT_0mekDfie147VXO-fS7sPk27yZohTd6j_SpE8npnJCvvL-0GnTfgz4M/w400-h264/fsm+apocalypse+team.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></div>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Dedicated to TC and RS—hearts of gold. Thank you. And for EBB and XBB, always. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><br /></p><p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #ff9900; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace; font-size: 13px; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I don’t know why you’re here. Maybe you’re Autistic, or have a neurodivergent child, loved one, family member, student, client, partner…</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I do know almost all of us—whatever our neurology—are barely keeping things together in the mental health department, however close we might be to a “jab.”</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I know my family is on edge. My partner is older and I have autoimmune diseases. My children have seen me laid low for months by a random virus. I know my kids and I carry this information inside as we watch the COVID numbers and hear about how certain health- and age-related factors increase risk, especially as news of variants calls immunization into question. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">And all kids think their parents are old, anyway, right? And even if not, they’re worried about their grandparents dying. Or afraid their parents may lose their jobs. Or anxious about never being able to be a carefree kid again. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The other day one of my most solidly NT friends texted me about how obsessed she is with getting vaccinated. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">“You’re so picky,” I told her. “All neurotic, like, ‘not wanting to die.’ And so spoiled with your wanting to ‘go places’ and ‘have a life.’” </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The thing is, while we are all struggling, many adults are at least able to articulate how challenging this year-plus has been. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">For children, teens, and young adults, the experience is both unprecedented and confusing. However much we try to get things out in the open in our families, it takes more wisdom and self-knowledge than most young people have to process this mess. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I personally believe simply staying alive this year to be a major accomplishment for anyone. Congratulations, dear reader!</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Add in an element of neurodivergence and things can get pretty durn complicated. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Many of us deal with prosopagnosia or challenges with social cues. If neurotypical people are having a hard time doing so, how on earth do <i>we</i> recognize people or read social cues when people are wearing masks? </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">How do we continue to make progress in our social fluency with little or no opportunity to do so? </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">How do we avoid falling into a digital-only world? What if that feels safer and easier than the “real” world, <i>especially now</i>?? </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">And what if we never fully re-emerge/merge with F2F reality? </span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Sound familiar? In my family and my friends’ families, Autistic and other neurodivergent young people are spending almost all of their time online, terrifying their parents and abdicating their school responsibilities while soothing themselves. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">And I know this is not only happening to kids with differences. In fact, I personally know of three neurotypical young people (some of whom were even able to initially do well with remote learning) who have basically given up on school this year. Two of these kids are seniors who were able to rally for two pandemic semesters and just couldn’t do it for a third. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">How common is this? One of these kids has the same name as my son, so I’m thinking…ya. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Will the colleges they were accepted into last fall agree to ignore their school refusal?</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">And these kids are arguably the lucky ones, however much their “failures” may reflect underlying stressors. What about the ones overtly living in despair? Heavy depression? Crippling anxiety? </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I’m actually not sure whether my son’s school refusal arises from pandemic-related depression or anxiety, because, like me, he has a hard time knowing exactly how he feels, especially when overwhelmed. Many people with neurological and other differences experience varying degrees of alexithymia, a condition defined by issues with identifying, expressing, describing, and/or connecting with our emotions or those of others. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">This is such a pervasive part of my life that it was only by watching how my neurotypical daughter came to apprehend the world that I even realized it was possible to be so immediately savvy about internal states as they relate to ourselves, the external environment, and other people. Unless I’m in a very, very simple situation, I need a loooooong time and lots of processing (writing, thinking) to know the why and what of my emotions and body states. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">That’s not to say we don’t <i>have</i> feelings! It’s more like some of us (me, my son) are not, in the moment, quite sure <i>why </i>we have (lately, often huge) feelings in our bodies and minds, or what those sensations <i>mean</i>. Finding ways to deal with this can be hard, even for adults. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">My main coping mechanism for this facet of my brain is to keep a ridiculous amount of lists, on paper and in my head. Regular lists, such as to-do lists, but also lists of what is going on that’s hard, or things to look forward to, to counter the challenges. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">It’s a little harder, though, to keep comprehensive, reliable lists with all of the instability and uncertainty wrought by the last year’s political maelstrom and global pandemic chaos.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I was recently zoom-talking with someone about her application to graduate school for a part-time counseling program that will take about five years to complete. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">“That’s great because people are still going to be figuring out how they feel about this year even by the time you get through grad school,” I said. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Silence…“You think?”</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Well, yes, I do. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I certainly don’t know how I feel about it now. We are all trying to figure this out together, and it’s so intense. So overwhelming. How do we even begin to make sense of stuff we never could have imagined just over a year ago?</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">A few months ago, I wrote my son’s professors at the wonderful university where he’s had what might very conservatively be referred to as a “challenging” first year to explain some of what he seems to be going through. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I told them how when he first got home for winter break, I asked my son whether he and other students were experiencing anxiety and other issues because of the pandemic and politics this year. A classic "under-exaggerator," he admitted that students were in general quite worried. He said he'd even assembled his own "apocalypse team." I asked if he was joking and he said, "Kinda." </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I shared that, as a former professor, I have many friends who are in secondary education and they’ve told me that the anxiety level of students is almost unbearable. Like the school my son attends, these schools have taken steps to assuage and address students' concerns during this unprecedented time. Some have even suspended grades in the face of severe mental health challenges in the student body linked to the pandemic et al.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Many, many students’ academic and social situations have deteriorated over this period, not to mention the growing financial and family stressors many of them must be facing. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">On a purely academic level, how well are our students learning? How much of a toll are zoom classes taking on their neurology, their energy, going on three semesters now? Students who need hands-on instruction, who learn through their bodies and senses, who need to see things side by side or interact face to face, are just a few subgroups suffering and losing out. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I know for a fact if my son could have had in-person help with certain things, not to mention consistently, casually connected and engaged with his teachers and others—and thereby gotten invested in tactile and personal learning, developed some real-world accountability—it would have made a world of difference. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Of course schools and educators are doing their very best in this context, and it’s taxing to their systems too. But children and young people are being expected to learn in new and untested ways while coping with an underlying dread on a level we’ve rarely if ever seen before. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">When will we be able to truly fathom the full impact of this year-plus? </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The day I sent that email to my son’s teachers, our nation's capitol was under siege from armed lunatics. We were in the car en route to a family hike up a local mountain when we first heard the news.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">During said hike, my son would not take his mask off, even when there was no one around. I asked him why. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">"Mom, if I ever am in danger and can't breathe, this will help train me for that," he said. Apocalypse preparation again? Check. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I'd never heard my laid-back son say anything in this vein. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">A few minutes later, I asked my very sensible, ultra-neurotypical daughter if that sounded like the way her peers think right now. She said, "Trump was elected right when my friends and I were beginning to think about politics. Being scared and everything being crazy is just normal for us." </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Even early on in this pandemic, it struck me very deeply that while many students are building resilience and so on, many, many are facing setbacks with grave, lifelong consequences. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Now, a few months into the new year, my son’s school has already experienced a major surge, enacted a 10-day lockdown (which, while inevitable and the right thing to do, did not contribute to academic success and/or mental wellness for some, to say the least), moved many classes to remote, and considered closing down. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Over this period, my son went from enthusiastic and invested in making the second pandemic semester of his freshman year better than the difficult first one to…completely disengaged. He’s found his own way to take care of himself in the melee, and it doesn’t involve a lot of homework. Compared to the devastated states some young people are in, I’m calling that at least a partial pandemic win. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">It’s hard to gain traction when immersed in uncertainty. Some kids, teens, and young adults, typically neurotypical ones, have the skills to adapt or thrive no matter what. But plenty of others don’t. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Well into our third semester of this pandemic, even many of the young people who were able to rally for the first and second semesters are losing steam.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">In fact, the damage this unstable and frankly dangerous situation has done to my son in his first year of college is immeasurable and will be reverberating throughout his life. I hope with all my heart he can recover and find his way again as the world settles.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">I hope the same for the millions of other youth who’ve fallen behind academically, felt isolated, become depressed, faced increasing anxiety, and more over this terrible stretch of time.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">The wisdom, compassion, and support of adults, especially parents and educators, have never been more crucial for our youth. WE have to rise to this occasion to be their Apocalypse Teams. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">As for the rest, honestly, my theory is that this pandemic year should just be a write off.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Let’s not hold anyone back a year if they want to move forward or kick them out if they haven’t performed up to snuff. Alternatively, let them start the same year over if that’s what they want. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Let’s put healing and emotional wellness before academic judgment and “success.” I’m saying this as a lifelong teacher, and as a friend of many educators and mental health professionals. As a parent. </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Let’s get kids the help they need without penalizing them for not being able to adeptly navigate a year in which grown as$ adults couldn’t figure out a dang thing.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Love,</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">P.S. VERY EXCITING NEWS: In the next year or so, my co-author <a href="http://jennagensic.com/about">Jenna Gensic</a> and I will have a book coming out from Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Our tentative title is <i>The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Advocacy: Step-by-step advice on how to ally and speak up with Autistic individuals and the autism community</i>.</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">P.P.S. You know it’s been a rough road when even compiling the LABELS for a post is traumatic. Yikes. </span></p>
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<p style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-75900374314073766272020-12-21T05:39:00.003-08:002020-12-21T05:39:41.573-08:00A WINTER PRAYER 2020<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-size: 22px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9EDgy7tWtivoQLiutm3_Eo10fyxdf9QSN_yiwqRtuoonIFjdh3OG7BVXggnd7yoVhzZt0b1F5M-RncOT129OwVQGjG47kWZH99-23Cn0KTO7DdcU2FdtVYa5m-_RWm-bRIJpJ8HLxtPY2/s2048/iljs+63d.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1399" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9EDgy7tWtivoQLiutm3_Eo10fyxdf9QSN_yiwqRtuoonIFjdh3OG7BVXggnd7yoVhzZt0b1F5M-RncOT129OwVQGjG47kWZH99-23Cn0KTO7DdcU2FdtVYa5m-_RWm-bRIJpJ8HLxtPY2/s320/iljs+63d.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></h3><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-3133963771230826743" itemprop="description articleBody" style="line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 586.25px;"><div class="separator" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); clear: both; color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="color: #ff9900; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a> </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;">Dear Universe,</span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;">Please take 2020 away.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;">No, really.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;">Yeah, we who are reading/writing/praying<strike>/complaining</strike> are glad to still be alive, yep. Thank you for that. THANK YOU! </span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Sooooooo glad...Butno. </span></span></span></div><div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">True, we've gained "resilience" and "cozy time at home," but we have also gained "weight," and "climbing the walls," and "possibly not doing so well with remote learning/work."</span></span></span></div><div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">We feel heartbroken, battered, exhausted, paralyzed. Many of us, perhaps especially those who live with extraordinary challenges (whether medically fragile, living in poverty, disabled, Black in the United States, and/or...), have been stretched almost beyond our capacities this year; some haven't made it. </span></span></span></div><div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">And so we ask with all our hearts, w</span></span></span><span style="background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;">ith much love and many thanks, simply for a <i>New</i> New Year.</span></div><br style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace;" /><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;">P.S. Please consider, beloved Universe, all prior Winter Prayers (<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2018/12/a-winter-prayer-2018.html">2018</a> and <a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2017/12/a-winter-prayer.html">2017</a>) to be still in pray. </span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKWOMqLUqArvXm_jUQfQVwCpmvcl8t_q70NKi4koRT5xnmTgqW-ZQCsqVV6xWxHRbI2uKjY-BTOqRvmFBMSbpTf-UM44TjivuGv3P1KgsOwZPD4bzTo6M7UhBcPwzmumy8jWDmHRWaByJ0/s2048/iljs+63a.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1328" data-original-width="2048" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKWOMqLUqArvXm_jUQfQVwCpmvcl8t_q70NKi4koRT5xnmTgqW-ZQCsqVV6xWxHRbI2uKjY-BTOqRvmFBMSbpTf-UM44TjivuGv3P1KgsOwZPD4bzTo6M7UhBcPwzmumy8jWDmHRWaByJ0/w468-h305/iljs+63a.jpg" width="468" /></a></div></div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-18257247331856476142020-06-16T06:10:00.002-07:002020-06-27T09:14:53.362-07:00EQUALITY, UNITY, AND JUSTICE<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">For George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and their fellow human beings unjustly killed for being Black</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPTT8m8-f7UY1vyKRoP1Sao_q1KT-FtKS0bduRu1v0dTa0s8Vkvr-Hf3XUuovYC3i7fQgomfeoQlPN9_DaVDHVoGhcLZ8M7ldmdv70Z2P-kA3IB6RRN_8dhnPdu-VDDGBxHmXHUmVE5v6i/s2350/fsm+george+floyd.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1877" data-original-width="2350" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPTT8m8-f7UY1vyKRoP1Sao_q1KT-FtKS0bduRu1v0dTa0s8Vkvr-Hf3XUuovYC3i7fQgomfeoQlPN9_DaVDHVoGhcLZ8M7ldmdv70Z2P-kA3IB6RRN_8dhnPdu-VDDGBxHmXHUmVE5v6i/w256-h205/fsm+george+floyd.jpg" width="256" /></a></div><p></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">I.</font></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier"><br /></font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">I’m about as white-skinned as it gets. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">But when I lost my still-alive white father to mental illness, a Black man—a former mentor and teacher—stepped up to fill that thankless role without even being asked. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">There are very few people of color in my current hometown.</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">But my daughter’s best friend all through grade school was one of them, and her family became my adopted family here. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">I’m a United States citizen.</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">But the first year and most formative times in my life were spent in the Darien jungle in Panama. There, my father and I were usually the only white people for hundreds of miles, amidst indigenous people, the descendants of escaped African slaves, (mostly) Spanish colonizers, and Chinese canal laborers, and combinations thereof.</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">My daughter is a U.S. citizen. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">But she was born in and adopted from China and is genetically of entirely Chinese descent.</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Four rational reasons why I march, why I vote for equality, and why I always do my best to do right by all people of color.</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">II. </font></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier"><br /></font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">My son and I are neurodivergent.</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Just as a Black person may be in danger (or be bullied, or passed over for a job, and on and on) simply for “being in a black body,” my white-bodied son faces discrimination and danger for having an autistic mind. (I “pass” a little more easily, but have also dealt with plenty of neurodiversity-related issues over my lifetime!) </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Like most Black parents, many parents of autistic children teach their kids how to behave if they encounter the police. “Acting weird” or “different” is yet another way to “get yourself in trouble”—or worse. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">When we—whoever we are, whatever our skin color, etc.—say “Black lives matter,” we <i>are</i> in fact saying “All lives matter, because <i>all </i>people should be equal”; </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier"><i>and we are also saying</i> “We understand that, historically and in the present, people living in so-called black bodies have been, and are being, treated with extraordinary violence and injustice, as if they <i>don’t</i> matter, and we want everybody to know that black lives are of great and necessary value in the tapestry of humanity and we ally with Black people.”</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">If you’re “foreign,” gay, Autistic, brown, yellow, Black … in short, if you’re colored or shaped or oriented or identify differently—if (in the United States) you’re different from the dominant/“normal” white majority in any way, really—you know what it feels like to have your body and whole being seen in ways that categorize you, that relegate your existence and actions to a lesser status on the basis of a single trait. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Another rational reason why I advocate and ally with ALL marginalized peoples.</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">III.</font></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier"><br /></font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">But rational reasons, even very convincing ones, aren’t the point. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: transparent; color: #ff9900; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html">Dear persons,</a> </span><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">why must there be a reason behind understanding that we are all human beings?</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">As such, do we not all have hearts to care for our fellow beings? </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">I once read about a U.S. senator discussing how he was grateful for the hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of healthcare his sick wife received through health insurance. He spoke of how that huge amount of money would have been a stretch for him without insurance, and <i>how he now understands why people need insurance</i>. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Do the math, senator. For most people, hundreds of dollars, even <i>dollars</i>, in out-of-pocket health expenses would be a stretch. I suppose that’s a rational reason behind healthcare coverage.</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">But it’s also a heart-centered reason behind <i>caring</i>: Do those less-affluent people care any less about their wives, children, partners, parents—or their own and loved ones’ health and access to healthcare?</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Why would it take a direct experience of the need for healthcare to grasp that everyone needs healthcare—and that basic human decency demands that they get it?</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Likewise, why would you have to know a [fill in the blank here] person intimately<i> to include them in your species</i>?</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Even if we don’t have the empathetic capacity to make such a heartfelt leap of understanding, doesn’t logical reasoning tell us we are all fundamentally similar in the most basic ways? </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">For instance, I think we can agree that we all want and need the same things: </font></span></p>
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">enough food to eat </font></span></li>
<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">a safe home to live in</font></span></li>
<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">to be loved and to love</font></span></li>
<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">enough resources to access what we need (and, we hope, a bit more “for special”)</font></span></li>
<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">opportunities for meaningful employment and/or other activities</font></span></li>
<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">people with whom we can connect on what we care about</font></span></li>
<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">to be known as a worthwhile being and treated with respect</font></span></li>
</ul>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">I might have missed one or two items (and, of course, some specifics for particular individuals), but it seems to me these needs are </font></span></p>
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">widely if not universally shared,</font></span></li>
<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">reasonable, and, more importantly, </font></span></li>
<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">achievable<i>…if we work together</i>. </font></span></li>
</ol>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Let’s try </span><span style="font-kerning: none; text-decoration: underline;">this handy test</span><span style="font-kerning: none;">:</span></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Are you human?</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Do you believe that other humans are also human?</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Do you believe on some level that some humans, say, women, trans people, Black people, Autistic people, and/or members of some other subgroup, are somehow less human than other humans of another group (probably your group)? </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">OR do you believe that all humans in general* have equal/shared humanity and worth?</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">If so, whether you came to this conclusion with your heart or mind (or both), do you believe it’s worthwhile, even imperative, to help ensure that all humans have access to the above</span><span style="font-kerning: none;"> </span><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">basics? </span></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Do you accept that some of us have certain areas of privilege (such as being white, educated, verbal, male, financially secure, and so on)?</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Can we use whatever resources, privilege(s), and/or power we’ve got to advocate for equality? </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Dear readers, I get it: It may feel like there isn’t much you can do in this isolating global crisis. You may feel angry, sad, tired, hopeless. Many of us have all we can handle with work and family alone. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">But the world is desperately in need of healing right now, and ripe for CHANGE in ways we may never again see. It’s an amazing opportunity! </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Know that every small shift toward inclusion, every friendly and/or courageous exchange between mutually human beings, can have huge reverberations. That means any little steps you can take will make the world better for all of us. </font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier" style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></font></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Thanks and love,</font></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><font color="#eeeeee" face="courier">Full Spectrum Mama</font></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier;">* Of course, some individuals commit acts that diminish their own and others’ humanity. I’m simply arguing against classifying any subgroup of humanity as less-than based on a single trait. </span></p>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-22367743287887360232020-05-23T11:18:00.000-07:002020-05-23T11:18:36.530-07:00PROM NIGHT II—LONELINESS IN A PANDEMIC<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Years of meditation practice have allowed me to sometimes approximate a sane person.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The other day, I awoke inundated by cortisol and genuine worries, both pandemic-related and other. I didn’t know how I would get out of bed, much less make it through a very full day. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Sitting up halfway, trying to muster my gumption to get a move on, a question popped into the tiny bit of spaciousness my meditation practice has created in my head: </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Is there some way I can see this differently?</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I didn’t have an answer, actually. But it made a little room in my heart to not feel quite so despondent. Times like these, that's a precious gift. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Subsequently, I’ve been finding plenty of applications for a “see-this-differently” approach! </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238);">One area that's ripe for a bigger vision? My son's senior year. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">For the class of 2020, there’s no senior prom. No big, festive graduation. I hear that some kids (well, young adults, at this point) are defying social-distancing rules and hanging out without protections. But mine aren’t. Most others aren’t, either. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And these kids are <i>lonely</i>. All of them. Not just the marginalized kids. Not just the students who don’t “fit in,” or are “different.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In a way, it’s kind of an amazing moment for the latter groups, I suspect. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Popular people just can’t be popular in the same ways while sheltering in place. And perhaps people who are often lonely can’t judge themselves (and others) in the usual ways. This is simply how it is—for everybody.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Is it possible that pandemic-induced social isolation actually mitigates the social isolation that so many feel in their usual day-to-day lives? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I think of my mother-in-law, who—despite having seven living children—rarely sees anyone besides a caregiver who comes for a few hours every day and the one daughter who lives in the same city. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Now, she must feel less disappointed—because nobody’s seeing anybody. I hope so, anyway. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I think of my son, who as a junior so assiduously <a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2019/06/prom-night.html"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">tried to get a date for the prom</span></a>—with no success. At that time, I began to pre-worry about this year's prom. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">These days, I’ve been asking myself if the lack of prom is actually a great way for those who might not have found a date to avoid a lifetime of that bad memory? </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnbnGH85yjF49QP8ss28N5F1Y1rsycb3D4QDGGHQt5YuQR1zwesAF8b_8WVaRnTZ7JSkglGQk7YJMyQsH1v9eS_1QY5_fktx-LFzTZfyajAQ7_whMx7p0x9aAUtkTdxL7DQpDUQBUOX-rW/s1600/fsm+pandemic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1245" data-original-width="1600" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnbnGH85yjF49QP8ss28N5F1Y1rsycb3D4QDGGHQt5YuQR1zwesAF8b_8WVaRnTZ7JSkglGQk7YJMyQsH1v9eS_1QY5_fktx-LFzTZfyajAQ7_whMx7p0x9aAUtkTdxL7DQpDUQBUOX-rW/s320/fsm+pandemic.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">That said, is social-distancing in some ways a blessing in disguise for students who struggle socially? Especially those who connect better digitally? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Has this terrible pandemic created online social spaces that are more accepting? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="background-color: transparent; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238);"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If everybody is lonely, are some lonelier than others? Or are our children (and elders, and selves) being equally lonely, together but apart? Maybe even experiencing loneliness in ways that might make them (us) more compassionate and <i>inclusive</i> for the long term?</span></span><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In other words, is this challenging period in some ways a powerful equalizer? Aside from all the myriad challenges and tragedies, are we finally learning to create a world in which there’s more acceptance and our real gifts shine and we can be free to be ourselves? (I know a lot of wild animals certainly feel that way right now.) </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Also, I'm wondering what will continue to resonate most after we’ve moved through the pandemic—the terrible loneliness and fear, or the unprecedented shared experience of an extraordinary time?</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I certainly see how this global crisis exacerbates inequalities around access and economics, and I genuinely fear many of us, and many of our towns and cities, may not be able to recover—for a very long time.I mourn for the hundreds of thousands dead, and for their living loved ones who couldn't be with them at the end.I'm deeply grateful for the many brave essential workers who have risked their lives to keep civilization functioning worldwide. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Here in my own small, relatively safe universe, I nevertheless experience waves of such sadness, fear, plain-old grumpiness...So I’m trying to see things slightly differently, in the interest of family and community morale, in general, and personal sanity, in particular.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">May we in our mutual loneliness find ways to uplift ourselves and each other. Some days, that’s going to be really hard. On those days, may we remember that it's possible to see our lives from another perspective. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Stay well, <a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">dear persons</span></a>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You are not alone in your fears or your loneliness or your joys, and you are loved,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-59533429797330643672020-01-14T04:01:00.000-08:002020-01-14T04:01:11.772-08:00SITTING STILL<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1OYEIKhJbUN9___lyKfHxavqeGU4Lm5PGzaQmm8Uq_UhIn1xcHMptPuCfi7JLeEB8Fz13HTueiHxt41siTyOdv3jFbLs_eOnyp-z9JnlJFLfC0dMFCyWwzqp5dhLmCFlilbM4vt-HGyVN/s1600/fsm+sitting+still+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="986" data-original-width="1600" height="197" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1OYEIKhJbUN9___lyKfHxavqeGU4Lm5PGzaQmm8Uq_UhIn1xcHMptPuCfi7JLeEB8Fz13HTueiHxt41siTyOdv3jFbLs_eOnyp-z9JnlJFLfC0dMFCyWwzqp5dhLmCFlilbM4vt-HGyVN/s320/fsm+sitting+still+.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="color: #ff9900; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace; font-size: 13px; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We recently went to my daughter’s middle school concert. To my amazement, my 18-year-old son sat through the entire concert without fidgeting, talking, or calling out unexpectedly to kids onstage. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It was the first such event I’ve ever attended without breaking into a cold sweat from anxiety over his behavior. That includes, over the years, many, many concerts, movies, plays, musicals and other performances during which attendants are expected to be quiet and attentive. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’ve been a mostly solo (my partner, Pardner, is a chef/owner of a restaurant) or entirely single parent for most of my children’s lives. With a couple of notable exceptions, I’ve spent every weekend on my own with them for the past twelve years or so. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It’s been really hard—and REALLY wonderful. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Early on, I decided I wanted to be a person and do things, and so I’ve been dragging them along to events all these years. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I hadn’t realized how much G’s restlessness affected me until the other night. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There are so many little ways in which life can feel daunting. What we usually do is soldier on, right? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But it’s amazing to consider all the possibilities that open up when you actually feel free to enjoy an event rather than keep most of your energy on someone sitting next to you. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Sitting through that concert like that was kind of a big deal. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And it got me to wondering: How much energy have I wasted on worry over these many years? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I usually explain and justify my worries to myself as solution-seeking behavior. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But no amount of anxiety could possibly have hastened G’s development into the amazing young man he is now. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And, to be honest, my worries probably kept my brain too busy to come up with good work-arounds and ideas. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Plus, ALL ALONG, G has been the happy, kind, funny, fun, loving person he is now. Just a bit more fidgety. (And, truth be told, he wasn’t always all that into much of the stuff I dragged him to…)</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Yet I persisted in worrying much of the time about G’s fidgeting and behavior—and not only insofar as it affected him at the time! I also future-catastrophized about potential impacts on his career and how it might alienate him from the “regular” social world. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What good did/does all that worrying do? How many other useless ways do I spend my time anxiously mulling over and anticipating possible disastrophes? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We all struggle with how to be in society. And knowledge around expectations and societal norms comes slowly to some. So do the sheer physical ability to settle down and key mental capacities, including emotional regulation. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So why do I torture myself unnecessarily? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I know I’m not the only parent (or guardian, or loved one) of a child with differences (or parent, period) who does this. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Frankly, I wasn’t much of a worrier, pre-kids. Somehow the little worries of new parenthood mushroomed over the years—sometimes with good reason—into a constant stream of nervousness. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Looking back, I wish I could’ve enjoyed myself more as a mom, instead of only now realizing all this. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’m going to work on finding a way to avoid breaking into a cold sweat when I go places with my children. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">More to the point, I’m going to take a close look at the ways worry has come to pervade so many areas of my life that it’s often depressing and sometimes even debilitating. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Because I have a hunch that <i>in all cases</i> there’s a similar element of complete futility.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’m going to try to be gentle with myself in the process: This worry has developed as a result of a lot of hard stuff. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But I’m also going to be firm, because I’ve had enough!</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Worry is my issue and I’m going to own it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I cannot “control” my kids anymore now that they’re teenagers. Nor can I make everything right for them!! In fact, I never could entirely do either. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I can see now that G has moved on. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Time for me to do the same.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<span style="display: none;"><script async="true" src="https://fresh.inlinkz.com/js/widget/load.js?id=c8cd94ed6d171cb9d89d"></script></span><!-- ends InLinkz code -->Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-30560413885074468572019-10-15T04:00:00.000-07:002019-10-15T04:00:31.896-07:00FAILING SAFELY/DARING GREATLY II<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioNQnqMC9Kji8vueTzhecxeqeHtFwbwFK7fZ0mfdMr8SOBNGQujXmE_owl1OEHQKLrqI5BFi_OFrM5PqYOBl9c4BIulo1rw8BJspASn0Lunx5AY-_kAEWG_alqmfpOMXHqXXjahysbqaaO/s1600/fsm+daring+ii.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1462" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioNQnqMC9Kji8vueTzhecxeqeHtFwbwFK7fZ0mfdMr8SOBNGQujXmE_owl1OEHQKLrqI5BFi_OFrM5PqYOBl9c4BIulo1rw8BJspASn0Lunx5AY-_kAEWG_alqmfpOMXHqXXjahysbqaaO/s200/fsm+daring+ii.jpg" width="182" /></span></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Last week, we as a family had a terrible morning. In retrospect, one might refer to it as comically dysfunctional, but at the time it was devastating.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">G was in a bad/sad/mad mood right from the moment he woke up (at least in part due to extended-family stuff that’s out of the scope of this blog). Half asleep, I immediately started alternately almost simultaneously grilling him and trying to make him feel better. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I knew I should just stop talking but I heard myself continue to try to “fix things” from a variety of angles. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Things eventually devolved to where I almost smashed a mug in a parking lot, both G- and R-rated versions of a certain bad word were used by several parties, and a chia smoothie disastrophe occurred all, <i>all, ALL </i>over my son and car.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">After finally getting the gang to school (tardy), I rushed back home to my writers’ group meeting.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">My fellow writers saw how shaken I was and I quickly explained what had happened. Our dear retired clinical psychiatric social worker, who always has brilliant practical insights, sat me down and told me I need to come to terms with what I already know: It’s time to let go. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“You’ll know you’re getting somewhere if you can go to sleep thinking ‘I was quiet a certain percentage of the time,’” she said. What this means, she added, is that I must actually create quiet space, as a purposeful activity. It’s not an absence of activity or stopping oneself, but actually involves proactively doing something different. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Well yeah, I’m good at <i>doing things</i>. <b><i>Not</i></b> doing things…Now <i>that </i>I find very hard. For example, if I try to diet, I immediately start eating everything in the house, especially junk; if I try to eat <i>more </i>whole grains, nuts, beans, fruits, and vegetables, on the other hand, I eat way better! </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So in my parenting, rather than telling myself to stop talking, I could attempt to create spaciousness and a feeling of letting go.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Then the other member of our group told me how her son had used a denigrating term—“try-hard”—for some kids in his school. The phrase really got her in the gut, and when she asked him to clarify, he said, simply, “Mom, <i>you’re</i> a try-hard.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Even <i>asking</i> about it is “try-hard,” right? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Having read <a href="https://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2019/09/failing-safely-daring-greatly.html#comment-form_764399843616808770"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">the first FAILING SAFELY/DARING GREATLY post</span></a>, this friend said she’d noticed that only a small proportion of everything I’d said truly seemed to get through to my son. So basically, much of what I was saying was not being heard, never mind processed and integrated on any deep level. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Try-hard that I am, I’m always talking too much…<i>even when I’m trying to give someone space to grow</i>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">While my fellow writers and I all value the try-hard aspects of ourselves that serve our growth and our families and loved ones, we as a group recognized that there are major downsides to being a try-hard. The trick is to identify and address them. You know, without, um, <i>trying too hard</i>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">As explained in my previous post, I’d decided a month or so ago to allow G to experiment with making his own choices about basic stuff, like phone time, food, sleep, and so on. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Yet I’d already been struggling with feeling like I’d simply transitioned from orders to suggestions, rather than really, truly changing the dynamic and allowing G his freedom. Yes, there were definite areas of success. But this wasn’t going to be an overnight process. And I had a ways to go!</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I’d seen myself still doing and saying too much—being, in essence, a try-hard—when what G really needed was the space to learn to trust himself. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Self-trust doesn’t just entail G being able to manage the things that are challenging for me (whether G is cleaning his room, changing his clothes, sleeping enough, self-regulating on screen time…; my wanting G to learn responsibility to go with his freedom...). </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Self-trust is an overall quality of enormous importance and value, learned through self-reliance and successful autonomy. And my constant “helpful suggestions” were interfering with G being able to develop self-trust. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Flash back to that dreadful morning: a wake-up call as to exactly how much this try-hard needs to let go.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Being a try-hard by nature, it helps to have tools for doing so and positive ways to frame the process (thanks, writers!).</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Dear readers, many of you have differences or family members and loved ones with differences, so you know how confusing figuring out the timing on certain developmental steps can be, especially when to let go. But that morning showed me, with painful clarity, that the time has come for this particular step. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">When I picked the kids up at the end of the day, I simply asked whether we were all ready to get off the family crazy train.* They smiled. Together, we all let go. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">* From <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVovq9TGBw0">the song</a> (which we love)--I had no intention of using "crazy" as a perjorative.</span></div>
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Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-16316694591950780772019-09-10T04:04:00.000-07:002019-09-10T11:01:24.745-07:00FAILING SAFELY/DARING GREATLY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="background-color: black; color: #ff9900; font-family: "courier new", courier, freemono, monospace; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">By the end of August, almost everything I said was making G really, really mad. Could be sulking mad, could be yelling mad; whatever I had to say, he was angry. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">All the time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">If I said, “Ask yourself if you really need thirds on ice cream,” he’d be enraged, for hours.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“You’ve already watched two movies today, how about taking a break?”: infuriating. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“Let’s get some fresh air”: seething, at length, with rage. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Screens, picking up stuff left all over the house, bedtime, laundry, hygiene, homework, manners, state of his room…All were loaded topics. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">One night, after a loooooooong day, I decided it was time to let go. Yep, all at once. It was time for Operation [G] Freedom. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I didn’t actually even think it through. <i>At all</i>. I just sat down at the dining room table and said, “I’m done. You’re going away to college next year and I’m not going to be there to remind you to sleep, or get exercise, or make good choices. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“This year is a great time for you to ruin your life in a safe context. So do whatever you want! I don’t want to fight with you anymore and you have to learn this stuff to succeed in life anyway!”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Then I got up and went back into the kitchen to do all the things.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">A few minutes later, I heard, in a kind of tiny voice, “Mom? I don’t want to ruin my life.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“Oh sweetie,” I said, “I don’t mean ruin-ruin your life, exactly. It’s just that the things I tell you that make you mad, those are things that you <i>need to do or not do</i>. So if you do or don’t do them at home, that’s a safe place to fail. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“I’m hoping you’ll realize for yourself that I’m not nuts or trying to annoy you. And figure out why you need to do certain things, like sleep regularly or not be on your phone 24/7. That way, when you get out on your own you’ll be able to do what you need to do to succeed—like get some healthy exercise and finish your schoolwork on time—without making huge errors in judgment.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“In fact,” I added, “let’s call it ‘playing college!’”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Now, I don’t think any of this would’ve worked a year ago, or even a few months. I’ve watched my friends whose kids don’t have developmental differences gradually reach this point years ago, but G needed extra time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Paradoxically, I'm basically giving him more freedom than many of his typically developing peers currently enjoy. That's because until very recently G didn't seem to have enough common sense or self-regulation to manage the tiny amounts of freedom he was given. Now, he only has this year of high school left in which to practice those skills before leaving for college. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">What he said next showed me he was ready to try. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“I don’t know if I want that kind of freedom,” G admitted a few hours later. “I think I’m going to use the same parameters you gave me.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And he has, for the most part. Admittedly with less sleep and more screens, but not so much that he’s messing up in school or in general. (Yet?)</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So far, perhaps the most amazing thing to come out of this is a huge shift in our dynamic. G can actually, <i>finally</i> hear me again without taking offense. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">For…<i>years</i>, really, there was a lot of struggle between us over just about everything. Now, because I’m no longer trying to <i>command</i> him—and because he feels respected—he’s able to listen respectfully. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I’ll make a suggestion from time to time—“At your age, you need 10 hours of sleep a night, so if I were you I’d figure out what time I need to get up and see what is a good time to go to bed”—and then ask, “Does that make sense?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He’ll usually answer, “Yes.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">When he resists—“You just had cross country practice. How about a shower?” “Nah”— I simply state a logical consequence—“Well, you’ll be smelly all day”—and move on.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I never, ever claim to have “The Answer.” All families and all individuals are different. For some families, this shift is probably inconceivable (as it was for us not long ago); for others, it’s not on the horizon at all. And who knows, we may need to ease back into more regulation—it hasn’t been that long!</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Also? Don’t get me wrong: I’m scared. Really scared. About ALL the menacing things, for the foreseeable future. But this does seem to be working for our family right now. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaV9F5WHrGJB5W7SEK9Jp4sz6-sNjwZYm625tatoQT4wgDyjSA2SVL4G4Rn8So2AxjDxGnUwr8R54xW4qTznKFYNXoSDZhRvnGfyoVoZWgj2-lGihNm14R5nzIOU3hPvjyV323QaWC4AoQ/s1600/fsm+daring.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1302" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaV9F5WHrGJB5W7SEK9Jp4sz6-sNjwZYm625tatoQT4wgDyjSA2SVL4G4Rn8So2AxjDxGnUwr8R54xW4qTznKFYNXoSDZhRvnGfyoVoZWgj2-lGihNm14R5nzIOU3hPvjyV323QaWC4AoQ/s400/fsm+daring.JPG" width="325" /></a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Figure I — Some Of The Menacing Things (not shown: accidental pregnancy, loneliness, driving, unintentionally breaking the law…)</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Moving forward, I’m planning to try to stop even making those suggestions. I’m going to dare to allow for the possibility of failure—AND the potential for entirely self-directed success. I’m stepping back so that G can achieve his own kind of greatness <i>on his own terms</i>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">That means when he chooses to stay up all night or never, ever do his laundry, or leave random dishes and papers and shoes and books and pens and Magic the Gathering cards (and so on, and on, and on...) EVERYWHERE I am going to stay quiet and let him experience the consequences…Also on his own terms.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">That means I can reduce my worrying-about-college time significantly, freeing up time</span><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; text-decoration: line-through;"> to worry about a bunch of random things</span><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"> for wholesome activities. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">At the same time, I’ve been grappling with ways to help him gain increased responsibility as a fair and natural part of increased freedom. That means picking up after himself more, at the very least, right? Fingers crossed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<span style="display: none;"><script async="true" src="https://fresh.inlinkz.com/js/widget/load.js?id=d1626941e732cbb79b50"></script></span><!-- ends InLinkz code -->Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-52362609880994763952019-07-09T04:10:00.000-07:002019-07-09T04:10:55.151-07:00NOT A DISEASE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">As a family of vegetarians, we’re always on the lookout for veg-friendly places to eat when we go on the road. We recently ended up at a gluten-free establishment in the Midwest. Pretty good food! But I won’t mention the name because I did a bit of stealth activism there and I don’t want to make any assumptions about the owner or staff or clientele… </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">You could get your own water and bus your dishes etc. toward the back of the restaurant, as well as use the bathroom. And there was also a help-yourself bookshelf full of stuff to read back there. I am always down for a good read, so I took a look. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Well, the books consisted almost entirely of books about autism. But not just any books. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“Cure Autism With This,” “Cure Autism With That,” “Get Rid of Autism With The ___ Diet”—you get the idea. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I felt ambushed—and horrified. I’ve spent all my parenting years trying to get my kids to love themselves as they are. Sure, I’ve read my share of books about the various nuances of our lives, such as adoption, autism, racism, neurodiversity, learning differences, behavioral differences, trauma, etc. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And hey, yay healing! We all have stuff to heal. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Heal away! If, in fact, it’s something that <i>needs to be and can be</i> healed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But I’ve always operated in a context of acceptance and diverse perspectives. This felt like a full-on, unilateral assault on being autistic—however well-meaning. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I quietly went back to my table, took out my mini travel notebook and began to write. Then I went back to those shelves and placed a note in each book: “Autism is a neurology not a disease.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And on the long drive home from our trip, I thought about the ways our culture pathologizes so many things that might better be treated as normal and healthy aspects of the human condition. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Being shy? A serious condition. Same-sex love and desire: a psychological disease? Until shockingly recently, the majority of people, including some scientists and doctors, thought so. Cellulite: abnormal but “curable” (hah!). Are you little bit weird? That’s weird. Maybe kind of…spectrum-y? Better treat it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We even treat getting older like a disease. In fact, I’m embarrassed to admit (even to myself) how much of my internal dialog consists of self-criticism over my age spots or crepey skin. How ashamed I feel on a very gut level about aging, despite being a feminist and never, ever ageist with others. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Um…HUH? <i>What’s the alternative</i>? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">When will we wake up to the full range of beauty?</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Thanks and love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<span style="display: none;"><script async="true" src="https://fresh.inlinkz.com/js/widget/load.js?id=ef8b06cc10bc6002458d"></script></span><!-- ends InLinkz code -->Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-16856083095812973232019-06-11T03:41:00.000-07:002019-06-11T06:36:01.009-07:00PROM NIGHT<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="background-color: black; color: #ff9900; font-family: "courier new", courier, freemono, monospace; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a><br />
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">A f</span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">ew weeks ago, I really messed up.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I’m on my own with my kids all weekend every weekend and sometimes I get impatient or overwhelmed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Often, though, we have a really great time together.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Because I’ve always been a solo weekend parent, my children have been forced to accompany me to concerts, museums, and so on. And I’ve watched more kids’ movies than I could count, some of them actually pretty good. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">On this particular Saturday, my son, G, who is a junior in high school, was really getting on my nerves with a couple of exaggerated teenage slob behaviors that are not developmentally typical for an older teen. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It’s not that the things he does actually bother me per se, it’s that I worry he will do those things out in the wider world—and get shunned for doing so. Or made fun of, or dismissed in ways he won’t even be aware of…</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I was having a stressful work day, too (I edit a Sunday political mailing on Saturdays, but I also freelance and, when things are going well, often work weekends). </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But mostly it was just the relentlessness of G’s socially unacceptable behavior that was sending me back to the days when I worried if he’d ever function at all in “the real world.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">So I wasn’t at my best.</span><span style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Meanwhile, w</span><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">e were all looking forward to going to a big action movie that night.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Around 5 o’clock, I told G that we had one hour left before we’d have to leave for the movie. I asked him if he could stop being offensive for that period—and warned him that he would not be invited to the movie if he could not. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">As we were putting our shoes on, G was unable to contain himself from doing exactly what I’d asked him not to do.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And I lost it. Visions of his future as an outcast (never mind that he’s the sweetest guy ever) flashed before my eyes as I berated him and sent him to his room.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Now what was I going to do? After all, I don’t usually leave him home alone, and my daughter was dying to go to the film. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I sat down on the couch with my head bowed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I tried to breathe deeply while I debated between consistency/follow-through and wanting to get a break/have some dang fun.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I wish this was where I’d come up with a great solution.</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But it was time to leave!</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Without much clarity, I yelled up to him, “Okay, come on down. I’m not happy about this but Z [daugher] and I really want to go to the movie.”</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“I want you to know I’m still REALLY upset with you,” I added. “You only had to keep it together for ONE HOUR! And you couldn’t. So don’t talk to me right now!”</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We drove into town in silence, parked, and began to walk to the theater. </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">As we approached Main Street, we began to see teenagers in formal dress.</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“Hi [G],” some called out to him. </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It was Junior-Senior Prom Night.</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">My heart sank.</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">For weeks, G had been trying to get someone to go to prom with him. He’d asked every girl he knew and even posted a request for a date on Instagram. </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">A week before, he’d finally given up. And I’d forgotten. But I’m sure he hadn’t. </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In fact all day, as he’d acted out, he was probably thinking about prom and wishing he was going. </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: transparent; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238);"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So, yeah—</span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">my heart sank.(Yes, I know my heart “breaks” and “sinks” quite a lot. It’s just like that more often when your child has special needs. Yes, I do know what I’m talking about, as I also have a neurotypical child. My daughter also has special needs—having developed an attachment disorder before she was adopted—but she will have a much easier time being accepted, achieving success, and getting what she wants out of people and life in general. So my heart simply doesn’t break so much with her.) </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Why couldn’t I have been more understanding, more compassionate? Presumed competence on his part and given him the basic respect of assuming he has his own reasons and concerns? </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Why did I focus on a superficial thing when my son's heart is huge</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26);">—</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">and vulnerable? </span></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Are there other lessons here for me here about raising an extraordinary child? About supporting rather pushing him than through his challenges? </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In any case, I’ll think twice about making assumptions. And losing my temper. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(255, 153, 0); color: #ff9900; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Over the years, I’ve mostly thought it’s been an advantage for my son to have a neurodiverse mom. But the other day, as I bumbled about, I for some reason was hyperaware of how much there is I don’t get, whether because it’s implicit, or because I see things in a black and white way…</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Some things I see as unilaterally wrong (it’s hard to give a neutral-ish example without offending anyone), including stuff most people see as excusable under certain circumstances (lying) or even “normal” (eating meat). I don’t actually judge others regarding these things—see below about my self-perception as nowhere near that entitled—it’s just how I myself think and live. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Other subtleties and social niceties (and meanities!!!!) have only become obvious to me in my forties. </span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It wasn't until, oh, <i>about five years ago</i>, that I realized some people have other priorities in their logic besides kindness. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And I’m so literal that I didn’t even understand that being literal was a thing. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">For a REALLY LONG TIME.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Another thing I’m finally realizing is that there are a lot of things I may not have understood along the way. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I knew from a very age that there was something different about me and my brain. To be more blunt, I “knew” there was “something wrong with me.” (This was unfortunately an impression that was initially created and then reinforced by those around me. It was, in some ways, a very different era.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So I developed a lot of coping and passing (as “normal”) mechanisms. As an adult, I definitely pass as “getting” more than I get, and as (I hate this term, because it SO CLEARLY is a neurotypical one!) “high functioning.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Still, how many people have thought I was a total wack job? How many times have I missed the deeper point of what someone was saying?</span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace;"> </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I know I’ve taken people’s words as unkind or marginalizing when they weren’t meant that way. By the same token, I’ve sometimes hung around people who didn’t want me around for way too long, or accepted cruel behavior (toward me) on the basis of my own self-determined inability to “understand what’s really going on.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I guess I’m becoming aware that, for my son, having a mom who he can relate to and who understands his neurology definitely has its strong points. But it’s also probably hard for him that I'm “weird” or hurt or confused or clueless a lot of the time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Also, he thinks I’m a <i>total loser</i>, so he’s not always pleased to hear about our similarities. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But there’s more. I found out I’m a Hufflepuff! [Non-Harry Potter fans might want to skip to the next paragraph.] All these years, I was cluelessly convinced I was a Ravenclaw/Gryffindor. In retrospect, I realize I was avoiding taking the sorting test because I was afraid it would reveal I was neither as clever (Ravenclaw) nor as brave (Gryffindor) as I held myself to be. Nope, I’m not. I’m a jolly, kindly, well-meaning, <i>bumbling</i> Hufflepuff. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So I got to wondering whether it might have been better for my son to have a parent who was more, um, with it. Someone who could better play by the (unspoken) rules and sort of…finesse things in a way that I, in my bull-in-a-china-shop way, cannot. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">How often do I fail him because of my own neurodiversity and cluelessness? Would the best parent for him be someone who’s more savvy? Someone who’s more “successful” by real-world standards (which would include financially)? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Wouldn’t it be great if he had a mother who understood how to teach him to really be successful—in real-world terms, taking effective, reality-savvy steps—instead of a literal-bumbling-weirdo-Hufflepuff? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">At the same time, I do know I love him exactly as he is and fight for him with all I’ve got. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And I’m all he’s got, mom wise.</span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I realize this is a false dichotomy in some ways. Plus, I'm not really addressing the many other parental concerns and diverse ways of parenting, not to mention parental situations, from marital status to economic status, ethnicity to gender identity...</span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;">But it still sometimes feels like there's this overarching and fundamental split between those who share differences and those who do not, one I continue to work to mitigate howev</span><span style="background-color: black;">er I can (</span></span></span><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: courier new, courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238);">in our particular area of difference as well as others). </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I imagine parents and loved ones who don’t “get” autism can probably relate from the other direction. Maybe they might not directly, personally understand why someone who’s neurodiverse can’t just “act like other people” or doesn’t perceive the world as they do. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But they “get” that world—and can navigate it way better than most of us with differences. So they can help their children or loved ones with differences figure out how to get by in a world that’s not designed for them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I finally figured out that, in this context, good parenting is about being open to learning and growing, being curious, being accepting. To bring all that together, <i>trying to understand</i> is probably what makes the best parent—along with love, of course. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So I guess whether you’re a little (or a lot) different and trying to understand people and institutions, or you totally get all that stuff but are trying to understand your kid, or anywhere along that spectrum—you’re good! </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><i><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Especially if you’re a Hufflepuff.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Just joshing. EVERYONE who’s lovingly trying to understand wins. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-small;">P.S. If you have a minute, consider answering some questions for a student at Drexel University who is working on a project about how much time parents of children on the spectrum spend on paperwork. Find her survey <a href="https://forms.gle/8bM4Zs2zjh8jL3fUA">here</a>. (I am in no way affiliated with this, but was asked to spread the word. Drexel actually has an apparently awesome program for college kids on the spectrum, BTW.)</span><br />
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<span style="display: none;"><script async="true" src="https://fresh.inlinkz.com/js/widget/load.js?id=9fc34a6dd0c8ab0ddfb0"></script></span><!-- ends InLinkz code -->Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-49929843063515773972019-03-12T04:10:00.000-07:002019-03-12T04:10:40.077-07:00ADVOCACY FOR YOUR CHILD’S TRANSITION TO ADULTHOOD<div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ff9900; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 13px; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: black; color: #ff9900; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; font-size: 13px; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">I used to be funnier. I began this blog a few years after my son was diagnosed, when I’d begun to see the positives in neurodiversity and learned to navigate the school system a bit.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">I had the mental and emotional space, as well as the knowledge, to bust out my sense of humor, mostly when laughing at myself or the many ridiculous aspects of bureaucracy. I sometimes even found it in me to take certain aspects of ignorance and some of our challenges a little more lightly.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I’ve said this here a few times, but I’ll say it again: For me, this transition-to-adulthood phase is the most terrifying part of our journey so far. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">When my son was a child, I could shelter him, protect him; now he’s headed out into a world that isn’t always suited to those with different ways of thinking and being, never mind people with tender hearts. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And I haven’t found the funny in it yet. Basically, I’m <a href="https://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-incident-of-overactive-extrapolator.html"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">back here</span></a>, like, all the time. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9IbbLAWFdk_fN-_xZJwxsmuSetXwRbObPT8ZAGHrxq4jtZuuTtbsyGE4E3fZ7cOfSO0qKWt-He2xQRdMIEZ-tnZ3xtwm4P1DURRAxo7GTWOn0PJY181mDkx0a17qgZedM3s17Mpwe-vEN/s1600/ECG+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="400" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9IbbLAWFdk_fN-_xZJwxsmuSetXwRbObPT8ZAGHrxq4jtZuuTtbsyGE4E3fZ7cOfSO0qKWt-He2xQRdMIEZ-tnZ3xtwm4P1DURRAxo7GTWOn0PJY181mDkx0a17qgZedM3s17Mpwe-vEN/s320/ECG+1.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Figure I — My Overactive Extrapolator–Catastrophizer Gland</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Still, I want to offer this community some really important information that should have been way easier for me to figure out…but was not. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Between the harried high school case managers and the various overloaded agencies, not to mention the lack of communication among all these institutions, there was so much I just didn’t know.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Fellow parents were really my lifesavers here, and I was fortunate to find a few real parent “experts” along the way who laid things out for me in a lifesaving way. If you don’t have anybody like that, this information might be very valuable; and even if you do, there may be supplemental aspects. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">This list is necessarily incomplete, and I plan to write more about this huge topic as I learn more. For now, here’s what I know — hope it’s helpful. Questions welcome (as comments or PMs):</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">1. Designated Agencies</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">These are organizations selected by the state to manage certain aspects of public health. If it deems you or your child eligible for its programs (in our case, Adult Developmental Services), your local designated agency will guide you through the process of figuring out what is available to best suit your situation. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Above all, this agency will help apply for and then administer your or your child’s State Medicaid Waiver. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Sometimes the language is a bit different (“service agency”), but you can pretty much google your state, “disability," and “designated agency,” now that you know what a designated agency IS (I had no idea for way, way too long). </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">2. State Medicaid Waiver</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The State Medicaid Waiver provides funds for key services, such as a supported apartment, and help with educational, personal, and employment matters. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">When your case manager at your designated agency initiates the waiver process, they’ll create budget lines for housing, employment, and other kinds of assistance, such as education (including aspects of supported college programs). </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">3. Vocational Rehabilitation</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Vocational Rehabilitation is a federal-state program that promotes employment readiness for a wide array of people facing challenges, especially people with disabilities. It also helps them find and retain jobs.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Voc Rehab can apparently provide expert help with applying for SSI (see below), too. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">4. Supplemental Security Income</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Supplemental security income, or SSI, is a federally determined and dispensed monthly sum that is meant to cover the expenses of people with certain medical issues, disabilities and mental health challenges.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">You can apply for SSI 30 days before the age of 18, and need to call a month before that to set up your appointment. The application leans toward medical disabilities, so work with Voc Rehab to optimize your or your child’s application </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">5. College Support Programs</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">There are many programs offered by colleges themselves and others — private and state-run — offering group living and academic support. A lot of these options are super expensive; some even add support costs on top of college costs to the tune of so.much.money. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">If financing higher education, never mind additional supports, is a concern for you or your family, investigate state-run college programs for people with disabilities — some are free or close to it!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">6. Guardianship And Independence</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Independence exists on a continuum. People with developmental differences may benefit from scaffolding at the outset of — or throughout — their adulthood journeys. Options here range from limited assistance with money management (known as a “representative payee”) to various forms of limited guardianship to full guardianship.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Because I’ve vowed to presume competence, I’m trying to prepare myself to face potentially devastating choices involving risk, respect, trust and safety in this arena. But at least I’m educating myself and my son about our options. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">7. Able Now Account</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">This type of bank account allows you or your child to deposit funds that will not count against you/them in determining eligibility for various benefits, such as EBT, Medicaid, SSI, and the State Medicaid Waiver. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It’s still early days here, so we haven’t navigated all of these processes (and I know there are more things to figure out: I’m looking at you, health insurance). I'm not even sure which will be appropriate — I’m just glad to know they exist. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And now so do you. Good luck!!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Thanks and love,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span><br />
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<a class="inlinkz-widget" href="https://fresh.inlinkz.com/p/e243281d6acb48ab99f5c28c04fb52b1">Inlinkz Link Party</a><script async="true" src="https://fresh.inlinkz.com/js/widget/load.js?id=fdf72be4db64acf4bdd0"></script>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-27400805501098588902019-02-12T04:02:00.000-08:002019-02-12T04:02:02.038-08:00KOANS FOR PARENTING TEENS I-IV<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: black; color: #ff9900; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Dear Persons,</span></a><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The Oxford English Dictionary defines a KOAN as “a paradoxical anecdote or riddle, used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and to provoke enlightenment.” </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">When I am faced with questions I can’t answer, I often reframe them as koans, in order to — yeah, basically — make myself feel better. Also, laugh. (Also, cry.) </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Teenagers provide ample opportunities for koan construction, let me tell you — never mind parenting teens with differences…</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Here are some recent koans I’ve developed: </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">If your neurodiverse teen stays out late for the first time and then sleeps past their usual 5:30 am. wakeup…is that Self-Regulation?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">II.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">If micro side-eye is smaller and quicker than regular side-eye, can it still be worse?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">III.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">If a peer invites your developmentally different child to do drugs or vape…is that Good? Or Bad?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">IV.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Why is being weird weird, but being mean isn’t weird? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">Welco</span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">me to Voices of Special Needs Blog Hop -- a monthly gathering of posts from special needs bloggers hosted by </span><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2F&h=ATNW-6IxtWTJ4dXmD1ktibIDlSq2toh5c5pZCngufE7Tz5VbjRX11e15lcoNb_IfXFbuqD8LMUlC05el3Qb3zK-wGEtGQn3H8-8MED36RDdfqSCNGfqI4JuRk6FgtWR2tS-yiCiGpsgHQvKVQtng1xePtg&enc=AZNeXfEvSF0I190IAMs7KncvN7d314VI_1SUOo1I_x_XxRWWixjuHO1Vu7wk3k6zWl3n-KKwEPcN5bxFwcmJPoz-PMeVIY2Pe1HAoqI_F9mSj0ienKOzwgq01FhSuPT8l_Ztba-3uqZzBscN7GscYq1KH_pj4ejugwk7ETY_WuOil4-v9JiirWT5yehSlNugtcU&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Sensory Spectrum</a><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;"> and </span><a href="https://mommyevolution.com/" style="color: #ff9900; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: orange;">The Mommy Evolution</span></a><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about having a special needs kiddo -- from Sensory Processing Disorder to ADHD, from Autism to Dyslexia! Want to join in on next month's Voices of Special Needs Hop? </span><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Click </a><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;"><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">h</a><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">ere</a>!</span></span></div>
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<script async="true" src="https://fresh.inlinkz.com/js/widget/load.js?id=13af754c39ce15bc383b"></script>Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-77845200122871463862019-01-15T04:01:00.001-08:002019-01-15T04:01:32.890-08:00CONGRATULATIONS/MY HEART JUST BROKE<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: black; color: #ff9900; font-family: "courier new", courier, monospace; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXEOV1MkHqNc61q8VJxma6R0i9COdZM_i7nydxStsBtp5UiAAfTrGdw2plsIYGveBmrtaR_XaCKQ_FdZpvTuEuqVgIomBNuGoKa0bksRmNELxwF_K3vpMKWMmiScTKtkDAXRaRrOlhaJH9/s1600/IMG-7296.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1568" data-original-width="1600" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXEOV1MkHqNc61q8VJxma6R0i9COdZM_i7nydxStsBtp5UiAAfTrGdw2plsIYGveBmrtaR_XaCKQ_FdZpvTuEuqVgIomBNuGoKa0bksRmNELxwF_K3vpMKWMmiScTKtkDAXRaRrOlhaJH9/s200/IMG-7296.JPG" width="200" /></a><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I'm trapped in the kitchen with two beloved friends who are having a conversation that is killing me. Their concerns — top colleges, will they have to pay full tuition or get merit-based scholarships — are so far from mine. And my heart is breaking.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I’m at an intramural basketball game and the people behind me are discussing their kids’ SAT scores. And my heart is breaking. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I could go on. And on. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It’s been a struggle to write this post, because I don’t want people to feel nervous about talking to me, and I would NEVER want my son to feel he was a problem or burden or less-than in any way. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So let’s get a few things clear:</span></span></div>
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<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I am happy for you and your child, truly I am.</span></span></li>
<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I WANT you to talk to me and around me, freely.</span></span></li>
<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I understand I am responsible for my own feelings.</span></span></li>
<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I’m extremely, EXTREMELY proud of my kid, who is wonderful and perfect, exactly as he is.</span></span></li>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But, as much as all individuals and families have their issues, life raising a child with special needs and/or having special needs in a “normal”/neurotypical world is just not the same as it is for neurotypical/typically abled individuals and families. And it needs to be okay to talk about that — to normalize those feelings and share ways to help ourselves and our kids move toward achievement and success, however we/they define those things.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So I share this heartbreak here — where people with differences and extraordinary challenges, along with their parents and loved ones, gather in community.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Most kids my son’s age are now going to parties, dating, driving, working, doing average or above average or spectacularly on the SATs/ACTs, going to college or about to, even thinking (at least somewhat realistically and practically) about careers. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">While kids on the spectrum usually complete high school, that accomplishment often entails the extended timeframe and/or extra supervision/accommodations/modifications specified by an IEP. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">At the same time — for both parents and kids — it’s somewhat </span><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">easy through these school years to act as if many differences weren’t really impacting our lives</span><span style="font-kerning: none;">. Everyone has the same schedule, and the same <i>projected</i> schedule, year wise, more or less.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But fewer than <a href="http://www.statepress.com/article/2017/11/spcampus-low-retention-of-college-students-with-autism"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">20 percent</span></a> of adults on the spectrum complete college.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And only <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-autism-community-focuses-on-jobs-not-grievances-11546646862"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">14 percent</span></a> of adults on the spectrum are employed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So much has been written by parents, researchers, and allies about the period of diagnosis. How parents often need to give up their basic, original, often unconscious/taken-for-granted (that is, until brought into question when differences and challenges arise) dreams for their child. And then, how to cope with all that: Ideally, we adjust those dreams, replacing them with new ones.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">There's less information out there about how your CHILD can face the potential loss of his/her/their dreams, or how to do so yourself when it’s your own life dreams that may be extremely difficult to attain (or impossible). </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It’s hard to find insights about how people transitioning to adulthood can achieve their basic goals and dreams in the face of extraordinary obstacles, most of which stem from a larger culture that does not necessarily support — never mind celebrate — people who may do things a bit differently. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And there are a lot fewer resources in general available for adults.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In G’s particular situation, he’s already facing obstacles. Sure, lots of kids won’t get into Cornell, even with lots of hard work. And maybe there are other kids who want to be ornithologists and will have to try extra hard to get there. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But for him, even dreaming of college is huge — and it will require many, many intricate factors to be wedged into place to even begin the process of moving toward his goals. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Will his heart break, even a little, as he inevitably confronts his unique challenges?</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Maybe less than mine does: He’s been understood, accepted, usefully diagnosed, supported, celebrated in his neurodiversity in ways that my generation largely was not. He’s whole, self-aware, untraumatized. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We all have our heartbreaks. Just the other day, I thoughtlessly told a childless friend who has struggled with infertility that I couldn’t meet her because of something that came up with my kids. I winced: I could tell I’d thoughtlessly hurt her heart. And I was unsure of what to say or do. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">You know what? I bet that’s how people sometimes feel around me. Or you. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So I tried to say something loving, understanding, and supportive. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;">I guess that’s what G and I would probably like as well; but people are often clueless about this stuff.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So we deal as best we can. Extricating ourselves from some conversations, initiating others (as I am doing here). Being genuinely celebratory of others' success while refusing to let unfair barriers keep us down. Doing the work we need to do to heal, grow, and succeed. Persevering. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: transparent; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238);"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And I’m hoping that when my heart is breaking (which feels frequent nowadays) it’s also cracking open, getting bigger — and thereby creating space for more compassion/wisdom/generosity, more faith in my child, more commitment to my advocacy work.</span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho_ay_ldAkWxZoyfaY4hNeZ6k0V2tXyOjL9SuTcO0P7FQtzShFmQ8AiZSzidTb3hDo9gsfmJibtiaDKqeI9qOOZwf5QQOZNiSizHHS4Ttr7AVHaBFJGjNr3hm7Yhj6FZjv7PyEQXcKjEB0/s1600/IMG-7296.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1568" data-original-width="1600" height="391" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho_ay_ldAkWxZoyfaY4hNeZ6k0V2tXyOjL9SuTcO0P7FQtzShFmQ8AiZSzidTb3hDo9gsfmJibtiaDKqeI9qOOZwf5QQOZNiSizHHS4Ttr7AVHaBFJGjNr3hm7Yhj6FZjv7PyEQXcKjEB0/s400/IMG-7296.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">As Leonard Cohen said, “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDTph7mer3I"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">There is a crack in everything / That’s how the light gets in</span></a>.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In the bigger picture though, the vicissitudes of my heart take a distant second place to the importance of this amazing neurodiverse young person finding his way in the world. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Just as I adjusted and grew far beyond my original ideas about my child’s life, I hope he will dream big. And if he ever has to give up one dream, I hope he will replace it with a bigger, better one, one that mitigates any heartbreak. I hope he dares to imagine a world made fundamentally more whole by his contributions…</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I wish the same for all of you and yours. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></span></div>
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-31339637712308267432018-12-20T11:22:00.000-08:002018-12-20T11:22:13.206-08:00A WINTER PRAYER 2018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfd5korGWyf3IlpjnXoxklY73179t8eTVYDP7f3n7JUF2gZWCyBxqoUf7jGZ-uWtTao1rB1Lg8jPQcKs3QTdJp6oNaKXv_c3E15ZHQfk7bKH8pKhMITAiPTY7eIRN-aYkFty329nb31MhT/s1600/iljs50a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1069" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfd5korGWyf3IlpjnXoxklY73179t8eTVYDP7f3n7JUF2gZWCyBxqoUf7jGZ-uWtTao1rB1Lg8jPQcKs3QTdJp6oNaKXv_c3E15ZHQfk7bKH8pKhMITAiPTY7eIRN-aYkFty329nb31MhT/s400/iljs50a.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html">Dear Persons,</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Last year’s <a href="https://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2017/12/a-winter-prayer.html"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 255); font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">Winter Prayer</span></a> pretty much said it all. But prayer is a limitless activity, right? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So here are some add-ons. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Dear Universe,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We have seen another bumpy year go by, with some wonderful victories and some devastating losses. We realize that different people may have different perspectives on which is which, but we worry: Why are our perspectives SO divergent? Can there be no middle ground?</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Dear Universe, I pray we find places to connect — about our universal love for our children and families, our universal wishes for peace, our universal need for a healthy planet — before it’s too late. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We are ALL getting older. May those of us who are grappling with health issues along with the usual travails of aging find strategies and ways of thinking that help us heal what we can and soothe and/or accept what we cannot. </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 15px;">
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">May we value what is gained — wisdom, ease, trust, confidence — over what is lost.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And may those of us who are just launching into the world — especially those faced with extraordinary challenges — find strategies and ways of thinking that support our personal success, our contributions to the world, our relationships, our communities. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">With much love and many thanks,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<br />Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-86828546145513190002018-11-13T03:57:00.000-08:002018-11-13T03:57:59.067-08:00"I AM VERY FRIENDLY"<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Vocational Rehabilitation is a federal-state program that helps people with differences/disabilities overcome barriers to employment, gain work skills, find jobs, and build careers.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Our local <a href="https://dds.dc.gov/service/vocational-rehabilitation-services"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">Voc Rehab</span></a> office recently started a program called “Linking Learning to Careers,” which works with differently abled high schoolers to develop job skills and connect school work with work-work.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">When G was filling out his application, he had to answer some questions about his skills and future plans. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">One question was “What strengths do you bring to school, work, and your future career?” </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">G wrote, “I am very friendly.” </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1-JkrrQpzeEnERTas-k9nOUL3QqGZTNOOiLHQEzak9MuHyqzhXB6IXIGhkJvjtr9KZ76MxKn_f82OONP-Gl5Q2qZDvHCRSKjx8bddZ0-Ceo6xoswzgXWeAN3eomwMcCbNd4-GTpRilsBx/s1600/fsm+friendly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1-JkrrQpzeEnERTas-k9nOUL3QqGZTNOOiLHQEzak9MuHyqzhXB6IXIGhkJvjtr9KZ76MxKn_f82OONP-Gl5Q2qZDvHCRSKjx8bddZ0-Ceo6xoswzgXWeAN3eomwMcCbNd4-GTpRilsBx/s400/fsm+friendly.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Figure I — “I am very friendly.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">My heart sank a little. “Honey, that’s not…” — I looked at his little [huge baby man] face — “Never mind.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I almost began to spiral on that one, but I didn’t say anything. I want him to feel confident and value his own strengths, even if they might be seen as somewhat irrelevant by his mom</span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> </span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">—</span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> </span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">or completely useless by a future employer.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">G and I had been participating in fundraising efforts for a school trip he wants to go on; and I’d been working on a calendar raffle handout that the kids could use to sell tickets. The day after G completed the Linking Learning to Careers application, I finished the calendar handout and students began to sell raffle tickets. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">That very day, G went out and sold all of his raffle tickets within an hour.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In the end, he exponentially outsold every other student in the group.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Figure II — Friendliness + Initiative = Success</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Here’s how he explained it to me: “Mom, I’m on the spectrum, so I don’t know when to stop. I just keep asking!”</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">A few days later, G and the other runners received their participation awards at the end-of-season track banquet. The coach spoke a bit about each student. When it came to G, he said, “When we go to meets, [G] knows more people than the entire team combined.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">There you go, I thought, there are those <i>skills of friendliness he brings to school, work, and his future career</i>…</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">G really, really wanted to go on that trip — and he made it happen. Heck, he wanted friends — and now he is friendly with hundreds of people. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Sure, there are things I wish he would make an effort with that he doesn’t yet grasp the importance of, but when it really came down to it, G’s motivation and initiative helped him use his skill of friendliness to be <i>truly</i> successful. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I hope that will continue to be true as he builds independence.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Our children (and selves!) with differences have amazing, sometimes-hidden or non-obvious gifts. These gifts become operationalizable — and that’s just sociologist-talk for making dreams come true — when fueled by real needs and wants.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">This experience showed me we can all achieve success if both the success itself and the means of achieving it are meaningful to us and allow us to implement our unique skills. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">That might sound kind of basic, but it was a revelation to me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And it’s changed the questions I’m asking G as he moves out into the world. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Instead of trying to ask questions that instill a “realistic” worldview and attitude — such as “Do you realize people how many hours you would have to work to buy those Magic the Gathering cards?” — I’m wondering:</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>What are you passionate about? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>What do you truly want? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>What do you need for health and happiness? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>What unique skills do you bring to the table? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>AND</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>How can you connect all of these to live your best life? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But honestly? I think G was way ahead of me on this. I was basing my approach on fear; while he bases his on hope. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love, </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span> <span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">Welco</span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">me to Voices of Special Needs Blog Hop -- a monthly gathering of posts from special needs bloggers hosted by </span><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2F&h=ATNW-6IxtWTJ4dXmD1ktibIDlSq2toh5c5pZCngufE7Tz5VbjRX11e15lcoNb_IfXFbuqD8LMUlC05el3Qb3zK-wGEtGQn3H8-8MED36RDdfqSCNGfqI4JuRk6FgtWR2tS-yiCiGpsgHQvKVQtng1xePtg&enc=AZNeXfEvSF0I190IAMs7KncvN7d314VI_1SUOo1I_x_XxRWWixjuHO1Vu7wk3k6zWl3n-KKwEPcN5bxFwcmJPoz-PMeVIY2Pe1HAoqI_F9mSj0ienKOzwgq01FhSuPT8l_Ztba-3uqZzBscN7GscYq1KH_pj4ejugwk7ETY_WuOil4-v9JiirWT5yehSlNugtcU&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Sensory Spectrum</a><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;"> and </span><a href="https://mommyevolution.com/" style="color: #ff9900; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: orange;">The Mommy Evolution</span></a><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about having a special needs kiddo -- from Sensory Processing Disorder to ADHD, from Autism to Dyslexia! Want to join in on next month's Voices of Special Needs Hop? </span><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Click </a><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;"><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">h</a><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">ere</a>!</span></span></div>
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-89072090247726711332018-09-11T03:57:00.000-07:002018-09-11T08:03:55.517-07:00BOBBY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh86P8rcOLxyxU5PMtHvqgJlU63sDHg8A4UPJCqDDhTB71iKZXcjeiXBtSByG-8m9qescON16YqwtQIrnWgqwWXuznGGB31Ir-VPgsfuhXtDGrRrDxSBAJIwvlSJn2-avDfP07RBIW97_31/s1600/fsm+bobby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1460" data-original-width="1600" height="363" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh86P8rcOLxyxU5PMtHvqgJlU63sDHg8A4UPJCqDDhTB71iKZXcjeiXBtSByG-8m9qescON16YqwtQIrnWgqwWXuznGGB31Ir-VPgsfuhXtDGrRrDxSBAJIwvlSJn2-avDfP07RBIW97_31/s400/fsm+bobby.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #ff9900; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; text-decoration: none;">D</a><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #ff9900; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; text-decoration: none;">ear Persons,</a></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;">I know Bobby because my brother-in-law used to do respite care with him. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He often brought him to brunch at our house on Sundays. Bobby was eternally grateful for the food I cooked. He would play with my son, games most kids his age would have scoffed at. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Bobby would hug us so tight when he left. He had a sweet side for sure.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Bobby’s not his real name.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Bobby must be in his early twenties by now.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He’s sitting on his front porch most days when I drive by on my way to town. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He’s trying to quit smoking.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He’s gaining weight.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Sometimes I see him in town with a “helper.” I say “Hi” and check in on whether he’s quit smoking yet.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I never see him with anyone else.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">My daughter—when she sees me tear up when we drive past him—says, “Mom, that’s not going to happen to [G], he has you and he has me and you’re a good mom.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Bobby’s mom is probably a good mom too. (Or his parent/guardian[s] is [are] good, in their own way[s].)</span></span></div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 15px;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Do any parents not love their kids and want the best for them?</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Is every life not a worthwhile life?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">What can young adults DO in this small town with few young people and fewer opportunities?…And if they are on the spectrum? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Bobby’s on the spectrum.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Even in bigger cities, with more opportunities, more diversity—are human beings with differences getting lost in the mix? I’m betting they are.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">What are the components of a decent life? From my perspective, they would include community (however that is defined, in a way that makes sense for each individual), meaningful work or some sort of activity that contributes, health, the freedom and opportunity to pursue one’s interests and goals.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">From my perspective, Bobby’s life seems terribly lonely and sad. </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 15px;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But it’s unfair to make assumptions about someone else’s life. And maybe he wouldn’t agree.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I think he deserves better.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Maybe he wouldn’t agree. There are certainly many things I don’t know about Bobby’s life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I do know that I don’t want a life like his for my son.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Maybe my son wouldn’t agree.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Soon, the time will come for that conversation. I will help him in any way I can to make his dreams come true, but at a certain point* he will become more and more—or even entirely—responsible for his own life. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I hope he’s seen and understood enough of the world by then to make healthy, positive, proactive choices, both in terms of how he wants to live and as far as what he needs to do to live that life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">* When will that be, dear fellow parents of children with differences? A tough question, with as many answers as there are children…</span></span></div>
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-9072851207289333682018-07-10T03:14:00.000-07:002018-07-10T05:35:23.502-07:0099 Problems<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: orange; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; background-color: transparent; color: #ff9900; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; text-decoration: none;">Dear Persons,</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I can’t be the only person who sometimes feels the world is a minefield for anyone who is not a white, middle class or above, straight, neurotypical, cisgender, male, typically abled person with a resolved and “good” citizenship status.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Or maybe I am just an oversensitive rabble rouser. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In any case, when I got this "special" handout after a medical appointment for my son:</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRaB1Hnopr8JK620l76Ha45725QKrkP5ELRk3ZxXXCmFDzY0VnJaBzpXsx5g5Mhtlvp9zpF3PtBQ_BOWfXweeJT0VyycwozqAKRVq7BD6tA4-_wu0zisJZLSx6H2JtbbkLsqz-Sgie_TE1/s1600/fsmproblems.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRaB1Hnopr8JK620l76Ha45725QKrkP5ELRk3ZxXXCmFDzY0VnJaBzpXsx5g5Mhtlvp9zpF3PtBQ_BOWfXweeJT0VyycwozqAKRVq7BD6tA4-_wu0zisJZLSx6H2JtbbkLsqz-Sgie_TE1/s400/fsmproblems.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">...I felt aaaaaaalllllll the feelings. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It’s hard to even respond effectively or “unemotionally” to these things that blindside you when you are just trying to get your kid’s toe looked at. (Or read a book, or go to a grocery store…I mean, you know what I mean: Unfortunately, discrimination and ignorance can pop up just about anywhere.) </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Here’s what I sent to the whole office, including individual doctors:</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Dear [Medical Professional/Office],</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Please see the attached partial shot of [G]’s handout (from a visit for an infected toe) from last week. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">While there is much that I could say about this — whether from a moral, legal, ethical, neurological, medical, and/or personal perspective — I will limit myself to this:</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Imagine how you would feel as a human being (never mind as a CHILD) to see your way of being (<i>the way you were born</i>) casually maligned as a “problem” on a random medical take-home handout. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">While an individual’s spectrum status may arguably be relevant in some medical situations, an ingrown toenail is probably not one of them. In addition, your terminology is outdated. And your framing of this neurological difference — which in fact also brings many gifts — as a “problem” is quite simply cruel. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Knowing your office and Dr. ____ (clearly a caring person), I have to assume this is an oversight. I ask on behalf of my family and all others with differences that you stop this practice and any others that may marginalize or denigrate your patients, however unintentionally.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Sincerely,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">[Full Spectrum Mama], Ph.D. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The Full Spectrums do have 99 problems (if you get my slightly inappropriate reference) — probably more like 999 — but “Asperger’s disorder” is not one. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Update: The doctor called and left a message apologizing and claiming oversight. I called back and left her a message saying I trust nothing like this will happen again to anyone in her office.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Le sigh. </span></span></div>
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Full Spectrum Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11460737436704927666noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6227616579829607218.post-6835980320394205192018-06-12T03:48:00.000-07:002018-06-12T03:48:49.799-07:00HAVING IT BOTH WAYS<a href="http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2015/09/dear-persons.html" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #ff9900; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, FreeMono, monospace; text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: black; color: orange; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Dear Persons,</span></a><br />
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I had an argument with myself yesterday.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I was thinking about this whole process I'm beginning for setting up G's future.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">How I want him to have all the support he needs. <i>And</i> all the respect.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">If you’re reading this, you probably have your reasons for doing so — and you probably understand some of the paradoxes of living with difference.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But yesterday my critical self — representing both a certain logic AND people who just don’t get it — accused me of trying to have it both ways.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I want G to have a safety net and scaffolding that will help him stay healthy and on point with his studies and/or work. That means federal, state, local, community, and family resources. And it means I will advocate and fight for these resources…</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I will do so even as I believe in his capacities to thrive, succeed on his own terms, and even excel on a wider scale — and will also advocate and fight for his equality on every level. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He’s autistic <i>and</i> he’s brilliant. Partly, he’s brilliant because he’s autistic. Yes, without pressure he might never clean his room or his body again; yes, I hope someday that won’t be the case. But do you need to know anything — <i>anything at all</i> — about birds, Pokemon, ‘90s punk funk, or Magic the Gathering? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He doesn’t self-regulate vis-a-vis screen, sleep, food, etc. <i>and</i> he doesn’t self-regulate being friendly, loving, corny, and generous. For the foreseeable future, he will continue to need sensitive and wise supervision in a lot of the basics. But do you need a hug, a smile, a laugh, someone to look at you with eyes and heart utterly devoid of judgment? </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Think of all the ways people without extraordinary differences are helped out by other individuals and institutions, from federal poverty programs to local business initiatives, from recovery groups to the uptick in adult children living at home. We all need help! </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But being different is complicated. The types of public and private assistance that are commonly available are often predicated on being unable to do things that people “should” be able to do. Well, I’d like to note (not for the first or last time) that our G — like so many of his fellow “non-typical” people — can do a lot of things that not just anyone could.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Because society is the way it is (have you heard of </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_model_of_disability" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(4, 51, 255);">the social model of disability</span></a><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">?), he will need and deserve </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35);">plenty</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35);">of support</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> and scaffolding if we are going to find out what he is truly capable of. A</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">t the same time, he will need and deserve a lot of respect and encouragement. All of t</span></span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">hese needs are valid and worthy because h</span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">e's a disabled/differently-abled person, a twice-exceptional individual…</span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">a complex, complete human being</span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhxRI40jbreyLkhbboID2l9yagkw9tPpjNMuu9IzcXj4oF1zkZjUTrvrncCHeo9dz5IyiG4aSOZR3llOSsK2QA6EzzGOjdaW8wDtrX5huI72zGDRPxoP3WO-v4GqOwUSoOnSsR2D57bjyI/s1600/fsm+valued.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1074" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhxRI40jbreyLkhbboID2l9yagkw9tPpjNMuu9IzcXj4oF1zkZjUTrvrncCHeo9dz5IyiG4aSOZR3llOSsK2QA6EzzGOjdaW8wDtrX5huI72zGDRPxoP3WO-v4GqOwUSoOnSsR2D57bjyI/s320/fsm+valued.JPG" width="214" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238);">Figure I - Valued Contributing Member of Society </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLCdvyRSIvkuJGzvK-iSdz8SFVlrQsCKVokjhXfT8xP_Alf1fb6owRytfD9c_g65E_b7yZEDeoYHUmPfR38A6U6fLRsPr9jFtTVZsyMAtNYmYWtVx7X5IesFzLhyP-rm6NVJhTbDaz8l_d/s1600/fsm+valued.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1074" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLCdvyRSIvkuJGzvK-iSdz8SFVlrQsCKVokjhXfT8xP_Alf1fb6owRytfD9c_g65E_b7yZEDeoYHUmPfR38A6U6fLRsPr9jFtTVZsyMAtNYmYWtVx7X5IesFzLhyP-rm6NVJhTbDaz8l_d/s320/fsm+valued.JPG" width="214" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); background-color: black; caret-color: rgb(238, 238, 238);">Figure II - Person Whose Needs are Valid and Worthy </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">My hope is that G can be sustained by his environment in such a way that he can use his unique skills to become a valued contributing member of society. If that’s having it both ways, so be it.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Love,</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Full Spectrum Mama</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOghqwca9YyCfTfzBCMjWmmk79If-GVZAbw7Q0xX_SPIb2-1THUoHYwGuFcFLAnxXv2dboOivj_AecqPf_zvNcSkqzr7Cn0WcNqlS8NVj5iwf6QBNlvlGkOoxy-cQms1AO0LmwLrgcYQ0h/s1600/Voices+of+Special+Needs+Blog+Hop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><img border="0" height="116" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOghqwca9YyCfTfzBCMjWmmk79If-GVZAbw7Q0xX_SPIb2-1THUoHYwGuFcFLAnxXv2dboOivj_AecqPf_zvNcSkqzr7Cn0WcNqlS8NVj5iwf6QBNlvlGkOoxy-cQms1AO0LmwLrgcYQ0h/s320/Voices+of+Special+Needs+Blog+Hop.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid transparent; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , "freemono" , monospace;"><span style="color: #eeeeee; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , "freemono" , monospace;"></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , "freemono" , monospace;"></span></span><span style="background-color: #141414; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , "freemono" , monospace;"> </span></span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">Welco</span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-size: 14.000000953674316px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">me to Voices of Special Needs Blog Hop -- a monthly gathering of posts from special needs bloggers hosted by </span><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2F&h=ATNW-6IxtWTJ4dXmD1ktibIDlSq2toh5c5pZCngufE7Tz5VbjRX11e15lcoNb_IfXFbuqD8LMUlC05el3Qb3zK-wGEtGQn3H8-8MED36RDdfqSCNGfqI4JuRk6FgtWR2tS-yiCiGpsgHQvKVQtng1xePtg&enc=AZNeXfEvSF0I190IAMs7KncvN7d314VI_1SUOo1I_x_XxRWWixjuHO1Vu7wk3k6zWl3n-KKwEPcN5bxFwcmJPoz-PMeVIY2Pe1HAoqI_F9mSj0ienKOzwgq01FhSuPT8l_Ztba-3uqZzBscN7GscYq1KH_pj4ejugwk7ETY_WuOil4-v9JiirWT5yehSlNugtcU&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: black; color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14.000000953674316px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Sensory Spectrum</a><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-size: 14.000000953674316px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;"> and </span><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thejennyevolution.com%2Fsensory-processing-disorder%2F&h=ATN7lYXT3qXNVQI8flQceKqdkvVjgXtLeGnB3sfd_5Ly2z0ThO7Jpow_yJk_2b5q70NreiECQA-nELHrlmYQaxwA5bs6IjSYH2996DfAPSTJxLlciWafyZF8YwikMDG9z1N0Myu6kGiGLsmlbCM-glSmjA&enc=AZMOXpTPFI454SiH-uSKWFHe7_oFGnWnZuS-QvYwm9MY4TeeDMQHjJ8XSttpdqfsCR7unBJZCYd7cEofri2YEI1QIQeqqlWT_WiAIDJ7zE5vhFwngpTOcyT1KXbpZ0_tgSrimLZThlAHFSBzzUQTAuS5tcSri-5bDe6COBgGgwINuUtdhC29UY7uch2nnxMaDa4&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: black; color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14.000000953674316px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Jenny Evolution</a><span style="background-color: black; color: #eeeeee; font-size: 14.000000953674316px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;">. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about having a special needs kiddo -- from Sensory Processing Disorder to ADHD, from Autism to Dyslexia! Want to join in on next month's Voices of Special Needs Hop? </span><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: black; color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14.000000953674316px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Click </a><span style="background-color: black; color: orange; font-size: 14.000000953674316px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px;"><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">h</a><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesensoryspectrum.com%2Fsensory-bloggers-blog-hop-information%2F&h=ATOn2bXpUWqsUP4uVIYHN4ss26i9zkNsKta7vd8wEH1HcFWNLlZKUBjuEatJAs5MP7JBOFQdLP5cVuZSFpyeJeoIY_cJbO8o-Bq5GZ79gar4Hfdi7lG8iSBxz74fy2sI9S8dknVEG1YSZZMae65Wz62I5g&enc=AZOMZzo60iDJRX5yA459ZqgmveiNZO9YA9tSP901MiKF1Gt44mq_U6DNZu-VbdSt-vDSVtOWDzioZZLDPCUxj9V_6xPL3XfqO7qJvgSdv2Ym1_u_U1BTsC4UPSusUUEevIdTMgD1l4tPq6Z-0tRZ_GcsNigojXD_Dm23_SEWufYNn5kgkachiRr0ylTFEAWI_wQ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ff9900; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">ere</a>!</span></span></div>
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