THE HEAT PLUS THE FEELING

After reading my last Sensory Blog Hop post, Whistle Nose, our friend Noodle Ayi (Auntie Noodle) talked about how part of having a hard time naming and interpreting emotions (Alexithymia) is also related to not knowing how emotions feel in our bodies.

Huh? Hadn’t even thought about that! For the Full Spectrums who are on the Autism end of our spectrum, both of whom have Sensory Processing Differences, knowing how an emotion feels in our body AND having a feeling at the same time AND functioning will be a lifelong project.

Here’s a recent example: G’s Graduation from 6^th Grade, about which I’d been very apprehensive, primarily because I thought I would humiliate him with my sentimental sobbing. What actually happened was VERY Sensory, but also unexpected.

G cried, ceaselessly through his entire graduation ceremony. Big blubbery tears, shaking, trying to stop, humiliated, heaving, producing copious liquid from nose and eyes.…on the stage.

Figure I- G: SPD/ASD Child: 

Heat Plus Feelings (Crying) Equals Full Brain

To stop crying would have taken some extra capacity he simply did not have, what with the Heat and the Crying/Feelings.

Z – our resident Neurotypical, who’s also on the no-nonsense end of the spectrum -- asked, repeatedly, “Why is he crying?” Not so much with scorn but sheer bewilderment.

I didn’t cry at all.

Figure II – FSM: SPD/ASD Mother: Heat Plus Feelings (Psychicly Messaging G to Try to Stop Crying Plus, Especially, to Stop Overtly Wiping Giant Gobs of Snot on His Arm) Equals Full Brain

To cry would have taken some extra capacity I just didn’t have, what with the Heat and the Sweetie-Can-You-Stop Feelings. 

All my energy was channeled into trying to get him to calm down and breathe – complete with “useful” facial cues – and to stop, just - PLEASE, for your own sake son! -- with the snot.

So many adults came up to me afterwards and said how touching his crying was, one spoke of his “pure heart,” but I know he felt terrible. It couldn’t have been a big status-builder with his peers.

G’s an old sap from a long line of softhearted saps, and this event was overwhelming on a myriad of levels. Being hyper-empathetic, I think he was feeling and expressing what so many in that room were feeling and not expressing. And it was a huge year for him, finally feeling like he belonged, in unprecedented ways.

Most of all, the heat in that room was so overwhelming that for both of us it was almost impossible to function. I am sure it was awful for everybody, no question, but with Sensory Processing Differences the brain simply cannot prioritize in the “normal” way.

Heat plus another thing? That is IT.

Then G got REALLY SICK. Fever, nausea…I think the latter might have had to do with his eating four desserts during the “refreshments” part, but I genuinely think the fever was his feelings in his body. This scared me, because I, too, get my feelings in my body – and I ended up with rheumatoid arthritis, one of the few diseases known by western, mainstream medicine to be in many cases the result of trauma.

In these ways SPD is so closely linked to our emotions. If we can better process our feelings, we will be exponentially healthier – body and mind.

But if you take even just this one little scenario, Heat plus Tears or Not-Tears were maximum-capacity situations for us. Noodle Ayi’s sage thoughts around figuring out how emotions feel in our bodies were one order above where we sat, blubbering and not blubbering, in that hot room.

There was no

“how does my body feel right now?”

never mind

“what is this emotion my body is feeling?”

never, never mind

“I am feeling this way, which represents…”

For some people with Sensory Processing Differences, even ONE of those factors might be enough, as in: Heat = Full Brain = Go Home, or Big Feeling = Full Brain = Tantrum.

So you can see where it might be nice to have strategies to manage all sorts of scenarios involving, oh, life. It could be extremely helpful to be able to use another tool to discern how we are feeling, from the way our bodies are feeling.

The first step for our Full Spectrum family, though, has been to acknowledge and begin to understand how we process experiences in ways we could not fathom before knowing we had Sensory Processing Differences.

I’m feeling….hopeful?

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

An InLinkz Link-up

Second Anniversary Lists III: Choosing your Battles

Last year’s “Choosing your Battles” post presents ideas around how to navigate complicated situations (a.k.a. “life”) wherein we have to choose between many healing, therapeutic, disciplinary and/or boundary-clarifying options, some of which may be mutually exclusive. It also contains a handy dandy graphic aid, the famous “Choosing Your Battles Flow Chart.” You can access this, and so much more, at: http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2013/01/first-anniversary-lists-iii-choosing.html.

Gee…I…must’ve had a lot more…time…and energy…a year ago because this year it boils down to this:

Choose One Thing.

Then,

try to do better with it.

We chose these battles over the last several months: for Z, the Kindness Battle; for G, the Common Sense Battle. I figure these are the major challenges each is facing right now. I also advise them to learn from each other, as I estimate that Z has about a million common sense points and G a million kindness points.

I try to notice whenever each of them exhibits – or does not exhibit – their desired trait. Some manifestations are obvious: for G, in order to get a point, he needs to zip his pants, not tuck socks or shirts into said pants, close the mailbox cover when he gets the mail, close and lock public bathroom doors, wipe his nose when he sneezes or it is running,* etc. – and if he neglects these, or similar, he loses a point. In Z’s Battle, I need to be mindful to notice and reward her when she does something kind, such as sharing without being told to do so; when I see that she has told another girl her age that she cannot sit at the kids’ table (for instance), well, she loses points.

When we reach 50 points, we get TREATS. That is, each Battler gets to choose a reward that means a lot to him or her once they’ve reached this 50-point target. Having started our Points system in September or October, G is now on his third round of 50, while Z is holding steady at 11. Total. She recently announced a personal goal of 16 points for the New Year.

Mama’s Battle? Relaxation Points. Score? –4.

Next week, the anniversary post you have all been waiting for: THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT! I will still accept last minute complaints via email if they are highly acceptable.

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

* My MF (Meeting Friend) says this not-wiping-nose thing has to do with being hypoactive or “under-responsive” to the tactile sensation of boogers on your face. I say that means if you know that you might not know there’s snot running down your philtrum** you wipe. No matter what. (And you get a point!)

** Yesss! That is what that part is called!