We were out to dinner last night to celebrate and I saw a woman with a baby who reminded me of myself with G years ago. Without pre-thinking, I thought a sickening thought: how lucky she is, she hasn't been disappointed yet...that baby is full of all possibility to her...perfect...
I looked over at my son, with his shining face, and fiercely amended my thoughtless thought: never for a second is that fellow a disappointment. He is perfect to me just as he is and always has been.
There've been some shocks for sure, and hard stuffs - with both children - and that's pretty normal, eh? - but they are the lights of my life. They are the hope of the world, as all children are, whether they are "perfect" as society dictates or truly perfect in their uniqueness which, I humbly submit, is what the world actually needs.
In the New Year, may we all appreciate each other in the first place, or, if necessary, the second...
Love,
Full Spectrum Mama
It is this self-correction that endears you to me, FSM (one of your endearing qualities, anyway). Would that so many more adults (including myself) could take a reflective moment to step back and re-program ourselves from the conventional teaching of what is normal. Thank goddess you shook off those shackles and accepted me as a friend! And thank goodness G never had those shackles to begin with. Isn't there some biblical reference to "a child shall lead them?"
ReplyDeleteDearest Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI believe so! And I would hope any religion worth its salt would share similar teachings on children.
I find all my friends brilliant and (yay!) weird so I am not sure which one you are, online or in person, etc. But I do thank you kindly for your brilliant, weirdo-type comment.
From Day 14 of Winter "Break" Headquarters, with subzero temperatures keeping us inside, festering yet happy children, and a two-plus page to-do list awaiting,
Love,
FSM
Anyone who reads the blog knows that Full Spectrum Mama loves and values her children and is in no way disappointed in them.
ReplyDeleteIt strikes me that there's a useful distinction to be made between "disappointed in" and "disappointed for." "Disappointed in" involves judgment, blame -- the parent is disappointed in the child because of factors in the child's control, as when a child lies or cheats or uses drugs or whatever. "Disappointed for" is a feeling of empathy, compassion, love -- the disappointment a parent would feel if the child is unable to do something through no fault of his/her own. For example, FSM might feel disappointment FOR G because peer relationships are more difficult for him than for other kids, or because he couldn't ride a bicycle when other kids his age could. But she never, never, never has indicated any disappointment IN him as a person. What a great Mom!
Just guessing, but I think what really flashed through FSM's mind on New Year's Eve was the realization that the newborn's parents hadn't yet had the feeling of being disappointed for their child -- all things were still possible for the newborn, and the parents hadn't yet had to feel badly about things that proved to be beyond the child's reach.
-- Bill W.
Dear Bill,
DeleteI'd like to articulately thank you for your incredibly insightful distinction but I am bawling too much to see my little phone keyboard. Thank you for explaining something to me that I was unable to put in words!!!!!!!!!! I think I will try to write more about this in future, citing you of course, because it's such a wise way to separate and define these two very different feelings.
Love,
FSM
I think we all have a pang of grief now and then - my heart breaks every time I see my boys left behind while kids their age overlook them. I have tears forming in my eyes just from typing the words. I absolutely love them ferociously and completely, but I also wish that I could take away some of their pain and struggle.
ReplyDeleteIt just so happens, Catherine, that I was just reading your INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS basketball post (http://homeschoolmosaics.com/why-im-celebrating-basketball/#comment-9505) and thinking about your lucky boys whose mother did not give up on them given all that "expert" advice. Your boys are lucky to have you - and each other!!!!
DeleteBut oh man do I know how you feel. I have sister tears in my eyes now. I, too, would take that struggle on in a heartbeat. Thanks so much for your comment and keep in touch,
Love,
FSM
p.s. Did you see Bill's comment above? I found his distinction very illuminating and helpful.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you. <3
ReplyDeleteBill definitely did hit it spot on, didn't he?