G
with a metallic plastic Easter egg between his face and the dining room table,
rolling it back and forth (and back and forth…) with his nose, watching it with
his eyes.
Z intently
watching this. Being inoculated – I hope - against making fun of (or in any way
judging) someone who is doing something “different,” something she’d never do
-- and certainly not in public.
Me:
having a flashback:
Rewind
30-35 years. See me at the dining room table, swaying slowly back and forth,
almost hypnotized by the visions reflected in the curved silver water
pitcher.
Sometimes
also intoning repetitive phrases under my breath, and/or slowly moving my
fingers in front of my face to change, frame, or multiply what I was seeing.
Did
anybody even notice me? Then and now I’ve tended to forget sometimes
that people can see me, but I really, really think no one noticed these
actions, which were frequent – and of which I have some of my only (and
strongest) visual childhood memories.
All I
can think is: it was the late-70s and
early-80s: parents didn’t notice kids then the way they do now.
I’m
glad Z noticed G; I noticed too – and felt, belatedly, like I belonged. Like me
about a million years ago, G probably doesn’t currently notice he’s doing
anything “different.”
But I
love that when someday he remembers moments like this (I am thinking of David Finch, in his Journal of Best Practices, recalling pushing his nose along the rug, a LOT),
G will surely know that we got and/or accepted him completely at ALL TIMES. I
love, love, love that *Z* knows – without being told – that, in this family at least, “different”
is absolutely “normal.”
Love,
Full
Spectrum Mama
YES! Love this. In my house we say, "Different isn't bad, it's just different." I don't always do as good a job as I would like when it is SO different, but I try to be patient and loving.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't diagnosed with ADD until I was almost 40, so I know what it is like to grow up feeling different and like things are harder and wondering why.
YES! Well said. In our house we say, "different isn't bad, it's just different." I try very hard to be patient and loving and accepting. Some days I do better than others.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until I was almost 40, but struggled my whole life with feeling different somehow. Turns out I was just exhausted from trying to pay attention.
Dear Jennifer,
DeleteI like that saying and will use it for sure. It is TRUE, right? But it can take awhile to feel truly true deep inside...
Learning about being on the spectrum (as ADD is,since it's considered to be a neurological difference that in some ways resembles those of autism; though it is not on the AUTISM spectrum, per se) in our 40s is a mixed blessing. I always JOKED in my early 20s that I was "Autistic" after learning a bit about it in my early 20s, then learned I actually was on the spectrum after my son was diagnosed...I think the MOST helpful thing for me (and probably you'd relate to this as well) was learning about sensory breaks -- and understanding why I sometimes could get SO overwhelmed. It IS exhausting; much, much more so if you don't get what's going on.
Love,
FSM
p.s.I am writing a post that relates slightly to your smile one - will try to give you a heads up. we are heading into middle school over here and need smiles more than ever, please :)
Yes, it's good that we are in a position to understand and relate to our children in ways that we were not understood as children -- that's something I can very much relate to.
ReplyDeleteI watch Alex watching things I cannot see and think back to all the times -- as a budding writer -- I stared into space seeing things nobody else could. I do not get caught up in the things Alex does, but I do appreciate that he sees something worth seeing.
I think this society is getting ready to see the true range of diversity and to appreciate it. We're not quite there yet "out there," but our homes are a haven where different is "normal" and where being "normal" isn't the goal.
Oh Stephanie, what a beautiful and thoughtful comment. Thank you! I LOVE your vision of the havens we create and your feeling that society at large is "getting ready to see the true range of diversity." Like you, I yearn for that day when 'normal" includes EVERYBODY!
DeleteLove,
FSM
:) The day will come because we will bring it to pass with the help of others like us!
Delete