Tuesday, May 27, 2014

TEAM FRIENDLY FACE

This is my plan: Over the next few months, I am going to somehow find those other kids (and their families) who are entering 7th grade/middle school together who will NOT care if someone is “different” or “off” or “weird” and I am going to introduce them to each other. I want to have them know and remember each other’s faces so that when middle school starts they will have friendly faces in the halls and classrooms. (Also…I hope G and I will be able to recognize those friendly parents’ and kids’ faces!)

I both got this idea and started my search at the Middle School Orientation for parents with children in the “Special Education” program* (more on this, soon). Every single one of the parents there had direct, specific and personal concerns about their child getting bullied (among other things).

The woman to my right was crying as she spoke about her daughter being bullied “because she’s just…’off.’” Her fear about middle school was both reasonable and powerful. As she spoke, it occurred to me that my G could be a “friendly face” for her daughter – a peer who would never think she was “off”  -- and who wouldn’t care if she was, anyway! So I slipped her our digits with a little note to this effect.

I turned to look at another woman a few (empty) rows behind us, who’d been talking about her son’s difficulties in tying his shoes, how anxious and unhappy he will feel about this if other kids are judging him (and we’d almost all been nodding), thinking to give her our number too and her face was just – STRICKEN. She looked terrified and devastated and devoid of hope. Almost blank. I – with my sloooow thought process – processed that and then vowed to reach out to her as soon as we stood up. But she rushed out.

I am still thinking about “the lady who left,” because I feel like we need each other, and our kids need each other more…If I see her again – and recognize her, please – I will be quicker.

I will have neither dignity nor restraint when it comes to this mission. Nor will team members be limited to incoming 7th graders! Even online and long-distance friendships can be part of this new, classy, influential team, TEAM FRIENDLY FACE.

So, hey! Lady! And anybody else who might participate! If you are reading this, email me, okay? At the very least, take a moment to consider joining this team – or forming your own -- in whatever way feels right for you and yours. Let’s get our kids (or ourselves, or whatever!) together and build TEAM FRIENDLY FACE!

Love,
Full Spectrum Mama


P.S. A TEAM-worthy post, courtesy of an honorary TEAM member: http://seriouslynotboring.com/2014/04/10/a-smile-instead-of-judgement/


* I wrote to the middle school special education people at the meeting:
Dear all,
I hope this finds you well. Thank you for last Tuesday's meeting.
I was wondering if there is any way to reach out to other parents, families and kids in this group. I think it could be enormously helpful to some of these kids to have as many friendly faces as possible in the halls and classrooms as they transition to middle school. I would be more than happy to be in charge of trying to make something happen, and to pay for materials (mailings?), host any event, etc. But I know because of privacy laws you cannot divulge any information to me. Perhaps I could write an email that you could then send to the other parents? I know that would be an effort for someone to input the email addresses but I think it would mean a lot to some of the families, especially the kids...Thoughts?
Thanks so much,
[Full Spectrum Mama]


11 comments:

  1. This is such a good idea, and something I wish had existed when I was a kid. Fantastic work!!

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    1. Why thank you, Aspergia Jones, of the best name ever. I am trying to get things rolling and do have a meeting with the school next week to try to get something out to the parents, but I worry that some of us are very overwhelmed. Fingers crossed. Oh and you can be on OUR team, of course. Some of us are still working through middle school trauma, and I am only a tiny bit joking.
      Love,
      FSM

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  2. I agree- great idea! I can't imagine the day when my son goes to middle school. Having a built in support group just seems so smart. I hope it works out for you. Way to go with taking the initiative!

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    1. Thanks so much, Jessica. I am about to head to a meeting at the high school with the woman who coordinates "special education" for the middle and high schools. Fingers crossed!
      Love,
      FSM
      p.s. It happens FAST, baby!

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  3. Good luck with this project. Especially the bit about recognizing the people again. I have a lot of trouble with that. People I "should" know, but don't. People who I pass by when I see them out of context. People who flag me down in a store or otherwise in the community, who I didn't see because I wasn't looking. I even have trouble finding my own family in a crowd, especially if I don't know what they were wearing, which makes losing one of the boys out in the community all the scarier.

    I wish you luck, because it is a good idea. I'm not sure how my boys could participate from a distance, though.

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    1. Thanks so much, Stephanie.
      The larger project is, you know, just increasing the friendliness, so I bet your boys are IN.
      Oh yes, the recognizing is going to be an interesting part. Sigh. And just forget it if we see you out of context.........unless you have really memorable hair, worn in the exact same way.
      Love,
      FSM

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    2. Friendliness in the sense of not being part of "the problem," yes. Willy's got the typical friendliness down, too. He is the classic superhero wannabe, defending everyone and anyone--even to the teachers. Alex is not particularly friendly. He's not unfriendly, but he's just not interested very much in his peers. Ben is not part of the problem either, but he's always escorted when among peers.

      *sigh*

      My three boys are in very different places along the special education spectrum and our district is small enough and well resourced enough that full integration isn't always attempted. There was a half-year when Ben was his teacher's only full-time student.

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    3. Dear Stephanie,
      Thanks for sharing! Sounds like you are a member of Team Full Spectrum as well, in your own home.
      G is so keen to connect, and sometimes so unable to to so in a "normal" way...Different from your three, but aren't we all different ??!!!
      Also-tangent- are you just now catching up on email stuff like me? Summer is a trip!
      Love,
      FSM

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    4. Yes, we definitely are a Full Spectrum family! As for catching up with e-mail...I'm not even all the way there yet. I had surprise surgery last week, so I got behind on being behind. I'm trying to do better. Did I miss anything (e-mail wise) in particular? I don't think I have any unanswered ones from you. Hm.

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    5. Not at all - I just noticed the time gap and it was Very Familiar!
      Hope you are recovering well. Sheesh.
      Love,
      FSM

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    6. Yeah, the time gap is all too familiar. ;)

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