TEAM FRIENDLY FACE AT HIGH SCHOOL ORIENTATION

Dear Persons,

Team Friendly Face (links: http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2014/05/team-friendly-face.html and http://fullspectrummama.blogspot.com/2014/06/team-friendly-face-update.html), convened at the beginning of Middle School, was represented the other night by a few friendly faces as I walked apprehensively into the orientation for parents of incoming ninth graders.

The auditorium was significantly less full than I would have expected, given the size of the incoming class of first year high school students. To this casual observer, it emerged that there were basically two types of parents who chose to attend this event. Both sets looked keyed-up, nervous. But one set looked excited, too, whereas the others, my Friendly Face peeps, looked TERRIFIED. We know how hard transitions can be for our kids, both for individual reasons, such as anxiety around new things, executive function challenges, and so on, and for larger-scale reasons, such as the inevitable jostling and alienation that come with new social situations and groups. (Guess who’s usually targeted in high stress situations? People who are different? Yup.)

The future  AP parents, the ones who indeed legitimately signed the Honors English agreement that was in the million-page high school transition packet – the Honors English permission form that I’d signed because, why not? Hey, my kid is GIFTED, and...um...honorable – kept asking questions about things like “prerequisites for calculus.” The rest of us cringed, kept quiet. Sure, the school administration and teachers seemed welcoming and nice, but we all knew our kids might need a slightly different – probably more extensive - set of guidelines.

After the presentation, I felt shellshocked. Team Friendly Face member J came over to me, crying. I felt a migraine descending. We tried to prop each other up. Team Friendly Face members K and C reminded themselves and us that our future ninth graders have such a gift for finding the good in every situation. That our fears don’t always manifest – and often go blissfully unshared by our children...

Then my shy, sometimes uncertain, Team Friendly Face friend J walked up to the Special Education representative and, before my eyes, turned into an articulate, assertive Warrior. While I stood mutely by, gazing through narrowed eyes, trying not to sway or vomit (migraines are fun like that), she introduced herself (and me), asked some really smart, important questions, and just basically advocated her butt off for her son. I was so proud of her! And a bit ashamed that I’d just written a whole post on advocacy...But then sometimes we need to lean on others when it gets too much. I was super grateful for those Friendly Faces at this event! I know I will be getting plenty of chances to advocate in the next few months and, thanks to J, some of my questions have already been answered.

   

It was also a comfort to know I could jot down some reflections on this ordeal in my 300-page and growing Full Spectrum Mama draft file. I publish only a fraction of my writing, but somehow the luxury of writing things down, along with the opportunity to process this writing provides, and then – when appropriate, when I have the time to polish the writing, etc. -  I am grateful to be able to have a part in the wonderful blogosphere phenomenon of letting others know they are not alone.

That being said, I’ve always seen THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT as a place where ANYONE can share their experiences. I will be publishing a plethora of COMPLAINTS in the upcoming yearly post. Please email me your tisk-tisks, your triumphs, trials, tribulations, tales of woe and so forth at jineffable@gmail.com. 

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

TEAM FRIENDLY FACE -- UPDATE

I met with the head of Special Education at our Middle and High Schools yesterday, and -- after she invited me to join the local ASD task force (whee!) -- she agreed to pass this email along to families through the necessary channels. We realize that so many families are overwhelmed, but I am hoping to get some response. We are all about TEAM FRIENDLY FACE!

Here is the email:

Dear Families,

It occurred to me at the orientation meeting for families with students entering [our Middle School] with support from the Special Education team that it might be helpful and beneficial for our 7th graders to have some additional "Friendly/Familiar Faces" to encounter in the halls and classrooms next year. 

Would anyone be interested in maybe meeting up for a picnic, one on one, or as a group? At the pool? Or just getting together in whatever way suits your family? 

The transition to Middle School can be hard on most children. But our children face additional challenges. This might be a way to give them just a little more in the way of positive connections as they enter 7th grade. My son is the type of kid who others think is "different" and sometimes has a hard time fitting in. But he is a WONDERFUL, friendly person and would befriend anyone who needed a friend regardless of "difference." 

I would be happy to be the contact person/organizer on anything that seems promising in this area, over the summer and into the school year.

Thanks so much for your time,

[Full Spectrum Mama (G's mother)]

Stay tuned for the Sensory Blog Hop next week - lots of famous, fabulous sensory bloggers blogging sensorially!

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

TEAM FRIENDLY FACE

This is my plan: Over the next few months, I am going to somehow find those other kids (and their families) who are entering 7^th grade/middle school together who will NOT care if someone is “different” or “off” or “weird” and I am going to introduce them to each other. I want to have them know and remember each other’s faces so that when middle school starts they will have friendly faces in the halls and classrooms. (Also…I hope G and I will be able to recognize those friendly parents’ and kids’ faces!)

I both got this idea and started my search at the Middle School Orientation for parents with children in the “Special Education” program* (more on this, soon). Every single one of the parents there had direct, specific and personal concerns about their child getting bullied (among other things).

The woman to my right was crying as she spoke about her daughter being bullied “because she’s just…’off.’” Her fear about middle school was both reasonable and powerful. As she spoke, it occurred to me that my G could be a “friendly face” for her daughter – a peer who would never think she was “off”  -- and who wouldn’t care if she was, anyway! So I slipped her our digits with a little note to this effect.

I turned to look at another woman a few (empty) rows behind us, who’d been talking about her son’s difficulties in tying his shoes, how anxious and unhappy he will feel about this if other kids are judging him (and we’d almost all been nodding), thinking to give her our number too and her face was just – STRICKEN. She looked terrified and devastated and devoid of hope. Almost blank. I – with my sloooow thought process – processed that and then vowed to reach out to her as soon as we stood up. But she rushed out.

I am still thinking about “the lady who left,” because I feel like we need each other, and our kids need each other more…If I see her again – and recognize her, please – I will be quicker.

I will have neither dignity nor restraint when it comes to this mission. Nor will team members be limited to incoming 7th graders! Even online and long-distance friendships can be part of this new, classy, influential team, TEAM FRIENDLY FACE.

So, hey! Lady! And anybody else who might participate! If you are reading this, email me, okay? At the very least, take a moment to consider joining this team – or forming your own -- in whatever way feels right for you and yours. Let’s get our kids (or ourselves, or whatever!) together and build TEAM FRIENDLY FACE!

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

P.S. A TEAM-worthy post, courtesy of an honorary TEAM member: http://seriouslynotboring.com/2014/04/10/a-smile-instead-of-judgement/

* I wrote to the middle school special education people at the meeting:

Dear all,

I hope this finds you well. Thank you for last Tuesday's meeting.

I was wondering if there is any way to reach out to other parents, families and kids in this group. I think it could be enormously helpful to some of these kids to have as many friendly faces as possible in the halls and classrooms as they transition to middle school. I would be more than happy to be in charge of trying to make something happen, and to pay for materials (mailings?), host any event, etc. But I know because of privacy laws you cannot divulge any information to me. Perhaps I could write an email that you could then send to the other parents? I know that would be an effort for someone to input the email addresses but I think it would mean a lot to some of the families, especially the kids...Thoughts?
Thanks so much,

[Full Spectrum Mama]