Robin Williams - who anecdotally was on the autism spectrum - was someone I've long seen as an Aspergian role model: someone I could point to for G as a person who was successful on his own terms, perhaps even because of his differences.
I was surprised by how sad and shocking I found his suicide.
I was one of many. A friend posted a recent-ish (2010) interview in the Guardian in which Williams' struggles to connect and succeed socially were striking. The interviewer stopped short of making fun of his accents, obsessions and tangents...but the undertone was perceptible.
Tonight at dinner, G began reading aloud in an exaggerated robot voice. I know people have told him he sounds like a robot. At that moment it hit me: perhaps Williams was using his multiplicity of voices as my son was using his robot voice -- essentially as an alternate or cover-up for his own quirky cadence.
I wish Robin Williams felt accepted and heard just as he was. I hope if he's in heaven it's a wildly, happily neurodiverse (and wildly, happily diverse diverse) place; I hope - if what happens is that we come back - that he comes back in a context that **unconditionally** accepts and celebrates him; I hope if this life was all there was for him that we learn from his pain.
I hope younger generations feel that their own quirky, heavenly voices are valid, worthwhile, beautiful. Because they are.
Love,
Full Spectrum Mama
Well said my dear. Well said.
ReplyDeleteThanks, sugar.
DeleteLOVE,
FSM
Sad, lovely tribute and a hope he would certainly have shared with you.
ReplyDelete(B. Mama)
Thank you, B. Mama. Yes - I agree. Still feeling sad...I do see this as inspiring a lot of people to get help.
ReplyDeleteLove,
FSM
I guess I've never considered Robin Williams as potentially being on the autism spectrum. I always saw bi-polar as a more likely diagnosis, and that is the one that seems to be reported most from the family. I've met very few people who can be that UP without falling DOWN just as hard, if not harder.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I'm a firm believer that the diagnostic criteria we use leaves too little for people who fall within the fuzzy gray areas between diagnoses. My husband carries the weight of a bi-polar diagnosis around with him, but if he were the child he was today, then he'd get an Asperger's or Autism diagnosis. It's not necessarily that one is more accurate than the other or simply that's it's both; it's more that the rigid ways we define neurological diversity don't actually reflect the reality of people's experiences.
I suspect that Williams success both gave him the freedom to be more of who he was (quirkiness and all), but at the same time made it impossible for him to be who he really was. He was known for being UP and people seemed to assume he could just turn that on and off whenever he wanted. He probably learned to force himself UP to meet expectations. But the sad truth is that what goes UP must come DOWN and that truth wasn't something any but those closest to him really got to see.
Mostly, though, I just want to tell all these reporters and rabid fans to let the family be!!! For God's sake, they're grieving the loss of someone they actually knew and loved as a person, not the loss of something they thought they owned because he was entertaining. Leave them be and let them grieve.
"I suspect that Williams success both gave him the freedom to be more of who he was (quirkiness and all), but at the same time made it impossible for him to be who he really was" -- This sentence took my breath away. It really hit me in the gut how right I - who obviously did not personally know RW and also agree that bi-polar was a part of it and asd may or may not have been - sense this conclusion is...
DeleteAs always, your words are strong and wise. And I agree we should not torment his family. I even struggled with writing this myself as i usually try to stay out of pop culture and mass culture in favor of our quirky world that i know deeply. But when G started doing voices...that very day...My heart went out to all (of us) with neural and mental health diversity challenges. You will note I don't say struggles because to me such a large part of it is not US but the lack of awareness of diversity at the root of all "struggles"...
Love,
FSM
I understand the impulse and was not trying to fault you in any way. There's a difference between writing about it and prying for 911 calls and all of that. It's just aggravating that some people cannot/will not leave well enough alone. The family has already been extremely generous with the public with regards to information. Personally, were I in their situation, I would tell all those reporters to F-off; not because its language I typically use, but because I wouldn't care about niceties were I under that much stress.
DeleteBut, yes, all too familiar with children who use voices other than their own because they cannot or are afraid to use their own. Sad, but heartening at the same time. They speak!
And there are challenges and even struggles. It's a combination of struggling with oneself--which, if we're willing to admit it, we all do--and struggling with a society that doesn't accept who we are and our right to be. Challenges I see more as, say, the challenge of communicating a need when words are unavailable. It's a mix and I think it's important to be honest about the reality of the mix. If we were more honest, those of us who can "get by" or "pass," we'd be more sympathetic, as a society as a whole, with those who can't.
Thank you for these thoughts.
DeleteI'm working on a post right now about "passing" - and how the kids who are just barely " passing" as "normal" (and I don't just mean the spectrum-y ones, I also mean the flamboyant boys who are butching themselves up, etc. the super-dorks of other sorts who've whipped themselves into shape somehow ...) -- are the kids who are most likely to avoid my G. The more "normal" kids are the ones who At This Stage are willing, even happy, to be associated with someone who's "different."
Agreed completely regarding how lucky those of us able to speak are - and how important it is that we use those voices in the service of our neurological kin.
Love,
FSM