As a variation on the theme of the Sensory-Processing-Differences-induced Full Brain, I offer The Burning Brain:
Figure I – The Burning Brain
And just one little Burning Brain story among
many: There was a family-welcome, community-building meeting for our local Autism
Spectrum Disorders group a few weeks ago. I’d never been before because I
always have the kids with me at night, but thought I would go since kids were
welcome this time.
En route to the meeting, we stopped by our
town’s First Friday celebration where there is art and music and stuff. That
was our first mistake. Two events? What was I thinking?
I began to get a headache.
We arrived at the meeting and there was a
ceiling fan! And bright lights! You can see where this is heading…And there
were a bunch of very, very nice people, mostly educators and paraprofessionals,
at whom I could not look. No other kids, but hey, my kids are a lotta kids.
By this point I could barely see or hear. I
could feel the inflammation inside my skull (see above), and my head felt like
it was about to explode. Just throbbing
with pain. The fans, the lights, the conversation, the nice, nice people? Unbearable.
I drove home trying not to vomit, got home,
vomited from pain…
One single burning thing I was able to think
during this episode: I can only imagine how a child would handle this!
This is Sensory Processing Disorder: a relative overabundance of stimuli (whether of activities or sensory input) causes
migraines for some people. This same overabundance can also cause some of us to
feel overwhelmed with despair, or anxiety, or anger and - especially before we
are aware of Sensory Processing Differences - to not know why we feel this way.
Kmarie Audrey has written wonderfully about this subject here.
Again, imagine how this process of Sensory
challenges leading to emotional/social/physical pain and/or overload would
affect a child!
My son, who also has Sensory Processing
Differences, tends to shut down, or get more flappy and loud than usual when in
Overload Mode. I talk to him about it, and hope he will have the words and wherewithal to deal with it as he grows up.
Me? I mostly get Burning Brain these days. Once
I am in that state (and by this point medications do not help) my migraine will
amplify any sensory input so as to make the smallest thing (lights, sounds,
smells, movement) literally agonizing.
On the most basic level, I get why a clothing
tag might make someone scream, why swinging on a swing soothes some and
dysregulates others, why seeing a bright color could cause nausea or even
vomiting…
There is a great deal of skepticism around Sensory
Processing Disorder (SPD), so I write this for those who cannot put their experiences
into words as well as I can (at least in writing), and/or who do not have an
audience. As an adult, I have a certain legitimacy, where a young child might
not. I am able to be articulate in ways that a non-verbal or less verbal person
might not be...As a college professor and an individual with some level of “success”
in life I implicitly have the credibility that those who are even more
profoundly affected by Sensory Differences might not be freely given by others.
SPD is not an “excuse” for me – I have a good
life! – but it is very real and very challenging and as a label it does explain
some of my lived experience. For some of us, including many children and
people with autism/autistic people, SPD – while it may have its positive
aspects (about which I have written before and will write again) – can make
life quite difficult.
We may need help. We may need accommodations. We
may need creative solutions and adaptations. We will need understanding.
Please believe us.
Love,
Full Spectrum Mama
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