BOUNDARIES

“F*cked up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not judgments, punishments, or betrayals. They are a purely peaceable thing: the basic principles you identify for yourself that define the behaviors that you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you and they teach you how to respect yourself.”

Cheryl Strayed

Dear Persons,

Boundaries keep us healthy.

Boundaries can be any shape (including partially open), thick, thin, obvious, subtle, situational, universal, expressed, internal, pleasing and convenient for others– or not, ordinary, extraordinary, permanent, flexible, temporary,...Boundaries can and should be of any type that promotes our health and healthy relationships. Boundaries consider and encompass ourselves and others as PERSONS.

Figure I – Visual Rendering of a Full Spectrum of Boundaries

A lack of boundaries finds an interesting overlap between neurodiverse people, who, for a variety of reasons, may be unaware of the possibility/necessity of certain boundaries, and unhealthy-to-toxic families, where vulnerable members (such as children, or, sometimes [and by no means only], women) may be abused or exploited partially because of weak or nonexistent boundaries in the family dynamic.

People who desire full health can learn about healthy boundaries and enact them. This can be challenging, especially at first, because new routines and behaviors always are (hello, transitions!), but also because sometimes others may take boundaries as a personal offense, or as selfish, or a burden.

Refer those chumps to the above quote. .

Basic well-being in life also embodies healthy boundaries (eating habits, personal safety, fitness...). For people who are highly sensitive, people with sensory processing differences, and people on the autism spectrum, among others, healthy boundaries may further include a diverse range of choices, such as:

* Not shopping at big box stores (this may hold, too, for people who have boundaries around consumption, or around economic ethics regarding working conditions of employees and/or manufacturers);

* Limiting the number of steps in any set of instructions, whether at school, work, or home;

* Allowing fidgets, pressure devices, what-have-you to be integrated in the classroom or workplace;

* Limiting or specifying social interaction;

* Avoiding fluorescent lighting, certain smells, loud noise, crowds....

* Finding mutually satisfying means of communication;

* Choosing clothing, food, etc. that does not hurt, distress, or irritate us;

* Deciding the conditions under which we will choose to share our unique circumstances and needs...

We have the inherent right to deduce and determine what feels safe, healthy, and appropriate in our lives. We can and should ask those who value our mutual health and relationships or who are charged with our wellness, working conditions, and/or education (and/or the education and/or care of our children!), to honor those boundaries.

Incidentally, healthy boundaries also allow us to more abundantly exude and take in all the good stuff.

Figure II – 

Person with Healthy Boundaries Enjoying The Good Stuff

I never knew all this; that’s why I am sharing.

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

[EDIT, 1/13: My dear online friend Kmarie  Audrey posted this deeply thoughtful and interesting post after reading the above: 
http://worldwecreate.blogspot.com/2016/01/boundaries-christianity-grace-and.html]

Welcome to the Sensory Blog Hop — a monthly gathering of posts from sensory bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and The Jenny Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about what it’s like to have Sensory Processing Disorder and to raise a sensory kiddo!

An InLinkz Link-up

DEAR PERSONS

Dear Persons,

Z has always laughed every time she hears or reads the word “persons.”

I finally sat her down and explained to her that “persons” is a word that has a deep and complicated history. That personhood was for many millennia and in many places reserved for only a certain type of people, such as men, or landowners, or white people, or people of a certain caste or religious faith or neurology...

I explained that even though it might seem silly or old-fashioned when you read or hear that word, it’s a strong word that carries a lot of goodness and respect. That she, as a female of Chinese descent, might -- in many settings over the course of history --  not have been considered a Full Person. That even now she will not necessarily earn as much as a man, or be accorded equal respect.

We are reading Malala Yousafzai’s autobiography, I AM MALALA, together, and she is learning how hard life can be for girls and women in many parts of the world. She has already experienced instances of racism at school. Knowing she’s a Full Person gives her grounding and power to stick up for herself.

This conversation inspired me to begin starting my posts with “Dear Persons,” because my readers are dear to me, and because they are all Full Persons.

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama