In IS IT TOUCHING?,
I explored how the traditional view of sensitivity is limited --and somewhat
discriminatory toward highly sensitive people and people with sensory
processing differences (SPD). I meant to
put forth the idea that the way we perceive and process things should be recognized
as a sort of neurological/physical/emotional/temperamental spectrum. Simply
put, we have widely divergent levels of physical and emotional sensitivity.
Furthermore, as self-advocates and advocates for our children and loved ones, it
is up to us to decide whether our sensory (I include emotions as feelings here) processing differences
are problematic, or glorious, or both, or neither...
This post was one
of my most-read ever, and elicited
many responses, both public and private.
One interesting
theme that emerged from these conversations was that of EXPRESSION. I heard
from people who have incredibly strong sensory and/or emotional feelings – but
hardly express them at all. And I heard from people who feel they are “all over
the place” in a sort of hot mess way and want to calm their actions, reactions
and attitudes down (here is where some calming sensory activities might come in
handy!). I heard from parents with super-sensitive, expressive children whom
they are trying to understand...In short, it emerged that what we show (in those actions, reactions, and
attitudes) is not just an exact reflection of what we feel.
So, this month, I’d
like to bring your attention to the possibility that sensitivity does not
correlate directly or evenly with expression or external reactivity. Some
people develop coping mechanisms to hamper their reactions because of cultural
or familial pressures. Some are naturally less expressive. Some people stuff
their feelings. Others let it all hang out, sometimes in spades – intentionally,
or because they cannot suppress the expression of their reactions.
Another
manifestation of the sensitivity/expression interplay may be seen in those of
us with sensory processing differences where certain stimuli that might seem
minor to others (tags on clothing, bright lights, strong tastes or textures in
food, temperature variations...) are interpreted by the brain as major. This may then result, expression-wise, in sensory overload or “acting out” or “shutting
down” or...
At the extremes,
you get people who may appear histrionic – your drama kings and queens who
scream when stepping into a puddle of water (guilty) or a person gives them side
eye; or your heartless stoics, who don’t even flinch when a finger is cut off
or a loved one dies.
Notably, the
histrionics and the stoicism may
reflect/express SIMILAR levels of sensitivity, exteriorized in different ways. What
we are experiencing inside is not always expressed in ways that exactly match
our inner experience of intensity. People can be low on the sensitivity scale,
but high on the expression scale; or they may feel deeply, yet not be
expressive of that externally...
We may feel or
express less – the proverbial
“stone;” we may feel or express more,
experiencing or acting explosively, like “fireworks.” These two things – what
we feel and what we show - don’t usually occur in a matchy-matchy fashion.
What’s more, sensitivity
itself can be emotional, physical, neurological...; while expression can be
through actions, words, attitudes, moods...AND, as this scale shows, these
factors can intersect in a Full Spectrum of ways!
Figure I – Showing
Chart: Sensitivity and Expression: Stone to Fireworks, Squared
In addition, our
attempts to modulate our expression
are not always in line with our intentions.
As I wrote in IS IT
TOUCHING?, I am a total sap and literally – embarrassingly! - unable to not cry under a variety of
circumstances, from funerals and other clearly sad occasions to anything
touching (try this for a tear test),
sentimental, or even joyous.
On the other hand,
things that move me powerfully but are hurtful, complicated, or angering can
overwhelm me and cause me to shut down and seem withdrawn or even cause a
meltdown (internally!). And I am just one feeling/expressing person, a fraction
of my Full Spectrum family. I am still trying to figure out my son, who
sometimes can appear extremely insensitive as a reaction to sensory overload;
my daughter, who seems impervious to all but a very few extremely, tremendously
sensitive areas; and Pardner, who has the rare gift of being sensitive but
non-reactive, observant and caring, yet as steady as can be. But Pardner has
his areas of sensitivity, too: do not put your bike up against his car, nor, if
you are a child with potential child gore on your hands, or a hairy cat in your
arms, should you “touch the threads.”
So, finally, our sensitivities
and expressions thereof can also vary from experience to experience, with
different situations being more or less
Manageable/controllable,
moving/touching/intense,
and/or expressed
!
In the neurodiverse
world, terms like “over-responder” and “under-responder” get thrown around, as
if there is a mean level of response that is correct. Add on different ideas
about social cues and behavior, reactions that may be judged “inappropriate,” or
“unexpected”...Whew. I’m looking to expand our perspective on what’s a natural
part of the range of human being, not criticize people. Human sensitivity and
expression weave together in diverse, complex and fascinating ways, in a dynamic
matrix represented here by a spectrum from stones to fireworks.
What holds for all
of us is that we want to be our healthiest selves. We have the privilege and
responsibility of figuring out what that means
Love,
Full Spectrum Mama
Welcome to the Sensory Blog Hop — a monthly gathering of posts from sensory bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and The Jenny Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about what it’s like to have Sensory Processing Disorder and to raise a sensory kiddo!
