BOOTY CRUMBS

This month, for the Sensory Blog Hop, I thought I’d keep it light. Well, at least as light as it is possible to be when certain things that other people barely notice can make you completely nuts. Those tiny crumbs of cheese or vegetable dust from eating any sort of snack food that has a tasty coating (my favorites are Pirate’s or Veggie Booty; this category also includes Smartfood, Cheetos, Cheez Doodles…) that get on my hands make me CRAZY.

Here are some similar things I am actively choosing NOT to write about, or even think about, beyond this paragraph: unidentified particles on bare feet (there’s a long-told story in my family of how I stepped into a small puddle of water in the kitchen once and screamed. Well…yeah. Right?); seeing Booty Crumbs on someone else’s hands (shudder). This latter is a particular issue as my son falls on the strongly not-noticing Booty Crumbs (or any schmutz, anywhere) end of the Spectrum.

I imagine – the operative word being imagine – that a “normal” response to Booty Crumbs would be to notice a mild dust on your digits and brush it off or calmly wait until you have a chance to wash your hands. As in, not be completely consumed by the awareness thereof?

                                                      Figure I – Booty Crumbs, Typical

That’s not an option for me. The surface of the skin is an information-rich field. When I have Booty Crumbs, I can feel them (whispery, tickly, dirty), smell them (cheesysour), see them (ew! Scandalous!), taste them (still in my mouth, but also from smelling), even hear them (that oily-dusty sound)…Consequently, if I have Booty Crumbs, I cannot stop thinking about said Booty Crumbs.

                                             Figure II – Booty Crumbs, Sensory Sensitive

Like anyone, I like to eat a nice snack of cheesy or vegetal goodness. The various Booty snack foods are a common part of our family snacking habits. Yet how can I function when there are Booty Crumbs? I cannot.

But! I have the answer! Being a bit slow on the uptake, largely because I am often overwhelmed by feelings and environment, it has taken me, ohhhh, 45 years to, first, realize why I felt so discombobulated every time I had a snack of this sort, and, then, to come up with a solution: “drink” my snacks out of a cup.

Happy snacking – and please do check out the links below.

Coming up next: THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT!!!!

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

P.S. I didn't receive any compensation or incentive from the snack company that makes Pirate’s and Veggie Booty, I just thought Booty Crumbs sounded better than Cheez Doodle Crumbs as a title – AND this is the snack food I actually eat, because I am crunchy.

An InLinkz Link-up

First Anniversary Lists IV: The Complaint Department

Our Guest Writer, Partial/incomplete Monochrome Persona from The Complaint Department, has been working hard to bring you this list.  Warning: Partial/incomplete Monochrome Persona, or PiMP for short, has compiled and macro-infested the bitterest and snarkiest elements of Full Spectrum Mama’s first year, many of which Full Spectrum Mama might not even have noticed, saintly as she is.

1.     The Make-Your-Own-Problems Division.

We make most of our own problems. The Complaint Department suggests you unmake – or contend gracefully with – such self-created problems.

Therefore, The Complaint Department maintains a strict non-acceptance policy in its Make-Your-Own-Problems Division.

2.     Bullies.

Yuck.

Can you believe bullies are real? Grown-up bullies, too! Solo-style, as well as Group Models, including Mean (Old) Girls (and Boys), Institutional and Family-Pak…

Children who bully often learn to do so at home. Watch out for their parents.

Those in the school-disability-“special education” worlds who bully often do so from budget and staff frustrations. See if you can get through the armor to the love of children that brought them there in the first place. Bonne chance!

But, okay, sure. Complaints about bullies are acceptable during regular business hours.

3.     Sorry.

Say you’re sorry. No, PiMP does not care what happened OR whose fault it is and don’t Make The Complaint Department have to Pull This Car Over.

Oops! Sorry, wrong medium.

4.     Help.

If you have a partner, if you have a babysitter once a week, if you have a choice between working and not working (vs. those who must work), do not complain about not having any help. The Complaint Department knows far too many struggling single working parents to accept complaints in this area.

      a. Have some perspective, people.

5.     Snacks.

There is a required ten-minute minimum time-lapse between the asking for of the snacks.

Furthermore: If, sequentially, you have asked for and received, a banana, a cheese stick, a clementine, a yogurt squeezer, a bowl of cheddar bunnies, a granola bar, baby carrots and hummus, and raisins and nuts and an apple, that is enough.

6.     Money.

If you have never spent weeks worrying over running out of toothpaste, or had to choose between

a.     raiding those expired bags and cans at the back of the cupboard and paying for heat, or

b.     going grocery shopping,

do not complain about money.

Except, perhaps, to others of your ilk - but definitely check their ilk to be sure.

Yes, we at The Complaint Department know that you say things like, “We’re all struggling right now” to express a sense of, “Wow, I get it,” but that’s just trifling.

You know who gets it? PiMP and her friend over here who both just bought one bag of cotton candy even though we each have two children because those bad boys cost FOUR DOLLARS.

Please see 4.a.

                  The Complaint Department will only accept complaints about money from those with a  
                  generously allotted income limit of $30,000 and below. (F.Y.I.: it is remarkably easy to
                  join this select group, albeit exponentially harder to leave.) Most other complaints about
                  money will be deemed to fall under Rule 1, above.

7.     Children.

                  If you have mentally and physically healthy, neurotypical children, do not complain about them under most circumstances.

In particular, you shall not complain about them to people who have no children, whether by choice or via “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."

Nor shall you complain about them to people who have children who have issues of health, learning differences, disabilities, sensory or social issues or other significant differences or impairments…

If you must complain, then kindly preface your complaint with, “Praise the universe, I am very lucky to have such an easy life compared to the lives of those with harder lives” (which will probably be answered with “Praise the universe, I am very lucky to have the child/life etc. that I have…” BUT the preface should still be uttered as a preventative measure).

And please see 4.a.

8.    Speculation and Normalcy.

The Complaint Department thinks everyone is REAL SPECIAL. How did they get that way? We do not know. How should you act around them? Ditto.

Our affiliate, Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg has formulated some great models around dealing with people. Here’s one: http://www.disabilityandrepresentation.com/2013/01/28/how-to-talk-to-normal-people-a-guide-for-the-rest-of-us/

9.     Special Dispensations. 

True Friends, Wise Ones, Elders, Those Who Get It, Family Members from Group A,* and, generally, people who don’t take themselves all that seriously or are seriously cute (such as some children) are not subject to the above Complaint Department Guidelines.

Now that The Complaint Department has brought you this exhaustive list, The Complaint Department is closed. The Complaint Department will re-open on the 32^nd of Nevruary.**

Sincerely,

Partial/incomplete Monochrome Persona

* Family Group A is a generic term for certain members of all families and consists of non-offensive family members.

** Thanks to Uncle G. Fullalove (Family Group A+) for introducing the Full Spectrum family to this convenient date.