(SUBSTITUTION
POLICY:
Please
feel free to change the terms of any of these prayers** if they feel useful to
you! For example: *“Middle School,” might become ANY school or institution or
event or transition; **“prayers” might become wishes or hopes or a more formal
type of prayer…
This
post comes out of our Middle School Special Education Transition Orientation
meeting, in which most of the parents were crying – and shared many of these
concerns; it also comes out of my own fears about this transition; and from a
few things G – who’s playing it mellow on this one -- has said. But I think the
generalities and specifics may apply in a lot of situations.
I
open with “Dear Universe” because it seems most inclusive and I love how the
literal translation -- “one song” – includes and unifies this big ol’ glorious mess of a
world. Please substitute God (however you mean this word, or whatever word your
faith uses), or any other concept here, including “Dear me, may I do my best to
ensure that…”)
Dear Universe,
May our children have a gentle transition to
Middle School. Specifically,
1.
May they
not succumb to the horrors of Homework –
a.
In the DOING
of the Homework, may they not find it such that it is “the last straw” in a day
in which there have already been enough struggles to succeed, often in areas of
extraordinary challenges, whether social, academic, emotional, neurological, physical...
May
they have time, still, to be kids. May they have time to play with their
families, rather than always trying to “catch up” on all these many levels –
and rather than their families having to spend most of their time together waging
mighty battles in the effort to compel our children to complete said Homework.
May
you uplift the brave Mama of the Middle School Special Education Transition
Orientation meeting who saw fit to refuse to force her child to do Homework
because she chose, instead, to let her child have fun following her child’s
very, very hard work during the school day.
b.
And, Dear
Universe, even more specifically, in the matter of the KEEPING TRACK OF the
Homework, may we all gain skill and patience in this area, for it is immeasurably harder to get kids who are
already at their limit to bring home extensive and organized information about
assignments.
While
we may take advantage of online and phone resources at the Middle School, may
that extra step send neither we nor our children “over the edge.”
2.
May our
children be undaunted and unbowed by the rigors and pitfalls of Physical Education
--
.
a.
May their
PARTICIPATION be unmarred by being always last chosen and barely tolerated…May
all games be inclusive – and may the choosing of the teams, if teams there be,
occur by fair and just and random means.
May
the words of the outgoing principal at the Middle School Special Education
Transition Orientation meeting, “We think it’s important for all students to
fully experience this social, competitive aspect of middle school,” have been misspoken, for, when they were spoken, you,
O Universe, could hear the air go out of the room. You could hear, surely, the
thoughts of the people of the Middle School Special Education Transition
Orientation meeting and they were: Compete? Really? Some of our kids can’t
catch balls. That does not make them “less than,” but listen lady, for most of us P.E. is not gonna be a strong suit for our
kids…
b.
May the
new ritual of CHANGING for P.E. be less agonizing and costly than we expect.
Please watch over our children as they attempt to tie their shoes, maintain a
modicum of executive function, not lose EVERYTHING, put on and take off the
right clothes at the right time and in
the right order, not stare inappropriately, and so forth.
And,
lo, though they may not succeed in these efforts, may they nonetheless not get
teased in the locker room for these or any of many other possible reasons…:
1.
In the
matter of our kids’ UNDERWEAR, may you ensure that nothing too awkward or
inappropriate happens during the aforementioned change? Please? One parent
asks, as she did of me yesterday, may we ensure that my child does not have
little kid underwear on? Also, may the underwear be pulled neither way too high
nor way too low? May G, for example, not wear his underwear backwards and in a total
wedgie as he is generally wont to do?
We
are not asking for a trade, Dear Universe, but we do agree to do everything in
our power to make sure these risks are minimized, such as the pre-departure
underwear check; it’s just that the locker room itself is out of our hands.
3.
Bullying.
Universe, You know this is a HUGE one for those of us with differences and/or
with children with differences!
a.
May our
children not BE BULLIED.
Yes,
Dear Universe, we know that Middle School is the world epicenter of bullying, and
we know that kids who are different get bullied MORE …yet we dare to dream that our
prayers that our children not be bullied might be answered, whether by a
zero-tolerance school environment, social skills classes, that one cool kid is
who so cool he or she doesn’t need to shun someone who’s “weird,” some
combination of these, etc.
MAY NO CHILDREN - ANYWHERE - BE VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE FOR ANY REASON, O Universe. And may this particular prayer be as unnecessary as it should be, rather than as ridiculous and unrealistic as it actually is.
b.
May our
children not be misperceived as BULLYING -- or pushed into BULLYING by peer
pressure or anxiety, or by being BULLIED:
There
is then the type of scenario where our kids act in ways that appear to be
bullying when in fact they are just clueless…and sometimes, like my G, really
large and intimidating despite being a gentle and loving lambikin.
And
there’s the scenario where someone who is already struggling is forced over
their sensorial or social tolerance limit to a point where they lash out in
what feels like self-defense.
The
overall high levels of social awkwardness and hierarchical jostling that accompany
this transition make these kinds of mixups more likely and we pray, Dear
Universe, that our children be kept safe from these dreadful possibilities.
4.
May the
issue of varying levels of Maturity – Or lack thereof -- …combined with
hormones…oh dear.
May
we somehow help our children navigate this particular minefield with aplomb.
Or
at least a minimum of outright disastrophes.
G
and his peers on the autism spectrum may by definition have developmental
delays and those, combined with certain physical developments, make for a
complicated mix. Other non-spectrum-y kids
in Special Education may have similar issues, including challenges around
judgment and impulse control.
Heading
into a context where almost everybody is a seething mass of hormonal, social
and mental changes will be…interesting at
best.
Dear
Universe, you’ll recall when I was a VERY young 12. Curious about sex,
hormonal, but very, very innocent. G is similar, but, if it’s possible, even
more oblivious. What G lacks in commonsensicals, he certainly makes up for in
heart-of-gold, but I am not convinced this combo will serve him well for the
next year or two.
Therefore,
in your infinite wisdom and harmony may you at least try to help him and the
rest of our children entering Middle School to not embarrass themselves unduly.
Please
watch over our children and prevent them from seeming to be stalkers.
We beg - beg! - that you not let them be taken advantage of.
Also,
please see that the age of their bodies and the age of their minds and emotions
correspond at least slightly, both within their own beings and amongst their
friends.
And
may they find friends, O Universe. Even just one friend. One who doesn’t care
if they still like playing, for instance, pokemon.
5.
May our
children operate their Lockers –
Dear
Universe, can you see our kids being really great with the whole locker thing?
The whole make way directly to locker/remember the combination/get the thing (or
things) that was needed from locker and/or place the thing (or things) that was
no longer needed in locker/close locker/find way back to where supposed to be
thing?
Yeah…no.
We can’t either.
Well
what about the part where someone goes with them and oversees the whole thing –
we’re so sure that will go over great in Middle School. Not.
Or
maybe we could give them a list of the above steps to follow (read: give them a
list to lose on the first day of school)?
Dear
Universe, can you please O please manage this one somehow for the sake of our
dear children?
Because
this is one where our fear is mighty and legit, albeit probably
incomprehensible to some.
6.
May our
children learn Self-Advocacy –
For
we are not omnipresent – and we are sometimes, we admit, exhausted. As well, mortal.
If
possible, may they begin to integrate, for themselves, some components of
self-advocacy development, however small, however basic: what questions will I
need to ask to complete this assignment? Where will my challenges be and how
can I access the help I need to be successful? What are my rights and
responsibilities - here, now?
If
possible, may their Executive Function improve such that they are developing in
awareness of what they need and how they may best be served in their own
actions and in the resources available to them…
And,
whether or not our children are mainstreamed or in more specialized programs, semi-independent
or not-,
7.
May the
help they are given be Helpful and not Non-Helpful –
Over
the years there have been periods where I would begin to see some or all of G’s
work and assignments written out in someone else’s handwriting. Dear Universe, as you are no doubt aware, G is able to write. Does it take him longer to write something than the average
student or adult paraprofessional? Yes. Does he have dysgraphia and other
learning differences around writing? Yes. Yet having someone do all his work
for him is unequivocally NON-helpful help.
I suspect the paras in question were trying to be kind, or to speed things up, make
things easier for all parties…In any case I know they were not intending to
deprive my son of a learning opportunity. But that is just what they were
doing.
Dear
Universe, some of us fear that in the larger Middle School context, it might
seem easier to just sort of pass our kids through the system, using precisely
this sort of non-helpful (to our children) help. This would be a great loss for
our children.
May
our children instead benefit from Flexible Support, where sensitive teachers
and helpers recognize when help is truly needed but pull back to allow
students to fly on their own where they are able to fly; sometimes, when necessary, fluffing up their
feathers and wings, and, the rest of the time, letting students make their own, probably
imperfect but unique and rewarding flights…
May
we, the staff, their peers, and their teachers balance our children’s overt needs
– for security, for routine, for “success” and success – with the myriad of
wonderful possibilities for new experiences and learning out there in Your Universe,
Dear Universe.
Big thanks.
Love,
Full Spectrum Mama
