Tuesday, October 14, 2014

“HURTASELF AGAIN!”

Every time we have a Silent Contest (a.k.a. “Mom’s only time to not hear talking all day”), G brings up the time his sister and cousin stole his french fries at a diner with his Full Spectrum Grandparents. Apparently, he’d been trying to win $2 in a table-wide Silent Contest (apparently, grandparents also like quiet moments), and was unable to protest the theft because of the need to be Silent.

So, naturally, he’d prefer NOT to have a Silent Contest, because he is still traumatized by The Incident. Which happened at least four years ago.

I tell this story because, well, I get it. Some of us with sensory processing differences are extremely sensitive emotionally as well as sensorially. And – whether through our senses or emotions – when we feel things, we feel them more deeply and intensely than the average person, so that sometimes they are unbearable…and sometimes they are unforgettable.

I think of it like grooves on a record (remember those? C’mon hipsters!): the original grooves are deeper, as they are more strongly felt; the grooves that remain over time are worn away more slowly, if at all, because of their original depth. Literally, though, it’s the neural connections experiencing and recalling these feelings/events that are more robust. This might account at least partially for G’s and my eidetic memories, with which we are able to visually recall whole swathes of text or things we’ve seen or heard (transformed into text, for me).

At the same time, the processing and memory space taken up by these strong feelings seems to preclude the remembering of – or paying attention to - whole other piles of things. We may seem flaky, or physically uncomfortable, or socially awkward. We may get lost – directionally or in other ways. Sorry!  Brain full!

When I was a little girl, every time I would get hurt I would say, “Hurtaself…AGAIN!” Even then, I associated pain with previous pain, and strongly recalled other injuries, because they really, really hurt. (I remember{ed} the good stuff too – that’s now one reason I remember to write thank-you notes! – but that’s another story.)



                    Figure I – “Hurtaself again,” Adult Stubbed Toe Example

Think I’m being dramatic? Last year I had one of those cavities where you chew the wrong way and you fall down in agony before even having the time to think about it. I went to a local dentist and he could not numb the tooth. I went to an Ivy-affiliated dentist several hours away who was likewise unable to numb the tooth. The fancy dentist told me my tooth was “enervated,” meaning that the nerves associated with the tooth were many and widely dispersed and thus it was impossible to eradicate the feeling in that tooth. I would need to go under general anesthesia to get this tooth fixed (both dentists were able to put temporary “band-aids” on the tooth). 

Enervated. In general terms it means to make weak or lessen someone. But in teeth it results in Feeling More. That sounds about right for just about everything in SPD land.

Love,
Full Spectrum Mama




6 comments:

  1. It always amazes me how accurate my kiddo can recall things with exact detail on different events (even years ago). If I ever question how something happened, I go with what my kiddo says because I'm sure he is right.

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    1. Ha - good move, Socks! One of the commensurate POSITIVE aspects to this neurology...
      Love,
      FSM

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  2. "Whether through our senses or emotions – when we feel things, we feel them more deeply and intensely than the average person, so that sometimes they are unbearable…and sometimes they are unforgettable."
    This is SO true of my son. He has the kindest, most good natured personality, but he feels things deeply and cries even when he tries to will himself not to. Recently I had to take him to the doctor for his final shot for school. He was unable to calm himself because he was remembering the past pain and still talks about it, weeks later. I imagine he'll continue to talk about it up until middle school, when he knows he will have to get shots again. Long, specific memory combined with intense emotions make quite a combo!

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    1. Woman, don't even get me started on shots. I have to Not Tell G he is going to the dr. until we pull into the parking lot. Good solution? Not sure. But even the remote possibility of a shot will have him sleepless for days.
      Your son sounds like a darling. Here's hoping all that sensitivity and memory will get him other places too...
      Thanks for reading,
      Love,
      FSM

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  3. Being overly sensitive doesn't always make life fun. I can relate in some ways to your post. I can easily also see how old programming from events or injuries in the past stay with us that much longer and makes everything feel amplified when faced with a similar circumstance.

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    1. Yes! Absolutely true! Once we become aware, we can begin to make adaptations and accommodations for ourselves, knowing how sensitive we are. We can also try some techniques that help us try to break free howevermuch possible from these patterns. I really really like EFT - http://eft.mercola.com/ - though I am not really up on meridians etc I do find it just helps re-focus my brain and spares my feelings the repetition and perseveration...Keep meaning to write a post about this...<3
      Thanks for the comment!
      Love,

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