HEY, YOU!

For Ozzie

Hey, you - you, who just got a label after years of searching for answers about yourself.

Hey, you - whose child or loved one just got a diagnosis.

Hey, you - who just gave birth to a child with a difference and/or disability.

Hey, you - who suddenly feel like it’s all too much, who don’t have it in you to cheerfully be different today. 

Are you spiraling? Of course you are. Do you feel like your life is being eclipsed? I’ll bet you do. 

Can you breathe? Just stop, take a moment - one moment! - and breathe. Between you and me and the fencepost, let’s face it: even one moment can be a lot to find what with all this diagnosis/labeling/disability/difference navigation business! But I am here to tell you that it is possible…Just the one. Try just that one moment of pausing to breathe.

(I was a Yoga teacher for a long time and one thing I learned was to teach only what you yourself practice. All that self-care stuff sounds great to me but…really? Who has the time and/or money? I know, though, that if I can find one moment to breathe you can too!)

Here’s the thing: there’s nothing wrong with you/your child/your loved one. It’s no one’s “fault.” Yes, the world wasn’t really designed for some of us - and there IS something wrong with people who discriminate, IMHO. But you (your child/loved one)? Perfectly imperfect just as you/he/she/they are. 

Sure, in time you/your child/loved one may benefit from certain interventions - whether medical (surgery, medication…), therapeutic (physical, psychiatric…), educational (IEP, tutoring…), etc. - but so much of that is designed to help us “fit in” to the world as it is, not necessarily as we are. No judgment!  Every individual and family must make their own choices! However, please never feel that these things “fix” you/your child/loved one; instead, they help us to function better in a certain, particular type of context. 

Here’s an example: students with ADHD can thrive without any medication or behavioral finagling in a variety of learning environments, many nature-based, but typically not including a standard classroom environment. Yet the standard classroom environment is what they usually encounter, which may lead to any number of challenges, including issues with self-esteem…

One of my best college friends and I were a tiny bit tipsy-ish one night and thought it would be really funny to call out to passersby with the hilarious words, “Hey, you with the internal organs!”  (Good come on, right?) 

This particular friend has had her challenges in her parenting journey, I can assure you, but her humor and accepting attitude have served her well.

Because hey, by the way, even if you DON’T have internal organs, those of us who have suffered for our differences and/or those of our loved ones tend to know and live true inclusion and thus we respect, accept, and honor you with no judgment regarding your internal organ status.

See, we’re all in this together - something I think those of us who’ve had to fight for our own inclusion or that of our loved ones realize early on. The fact that not all people see things this way is sad both for us and for those who don’t see this truth. 

So hey, you, you reading this post - either with your eyes or another organ, through being read to, or an assistive device - you are stronger than you know. And you are not alone. Wait till you meet some of these characters who get it, who’ve been there. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out...Welcome!

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

P.S. The Bloggers in this Blog Hop might be a good place to start: 

Welcome to Voices of Special Needs Blog Hop -- a monthly gathering of posts from special needs bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and The Jenny Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about having a special needs kiddo -- from Sensory Processing Disorder to ADHD, from Autism to Dyslexia! Want to join in on next month's Voices of Special Needs Hop? Click here!

An InLinkz Link-up

IS IT TOUCHING?

Dear persons,

I just finished reading Little Women to G and Z. That book is way longer than I remembered - and – seriously?! - emotionally grueling. As had happened throughout Little Women, but on an even more snot-filled, ugly-crying level, I began to lose it as I tried to read those last pages aloud. The closing bit, where Marmee says, even after all the poverty and hardship, and even though her daughter Beth died (sorry if I am giving anything away here), “Oh, my girls, however long you may live, I can never wish you a greater happiness than this!” And she says this simply because they are all together...I can’t even type it without sobbing.

As I read to her, as she often does, Z observed my emotional reaction and asked, “Mom, is it touching?”

Honey, to me, just about EVERYTHING is touching.

You can just look at my red, blotchy, slimy face – or your brother’s: Yes. It’s touching. When a bird lets another bird go ahead of it at the birdfeeder? Touching. Something on the radio about helping people? We will probably at a minimum get misty-eyed. When there’s a video of a baby seal? Touching. Human interest piece in People magazine at the dentist? All those interspecies friendship books? Elderly people holding hands? Yes. Anything to do with animals, life, death, romance, family, and so forth is fair game for being touching.

At the same time, on my own, I’ve been dipping into The Highly Sensitive Person, in which I was *stunned* to read that 42% of people describe themselves as “not sensitive at all.” And here I’d always thought everybody was just better at managing their feelings and reactions than I was – because there was something wrong with me. Something weak, or ignorant, or lame; a lack in me which rendered me less adept than the majority of people...People who didn’t seem to cry or laugh quite as readily, people for whom interacting with others, for example, seemed to be much more clear cut, less laden with strong, overwhelming feelings, and MUCH less daunting...

I’d assumed everybody was “like me” and that it was my “fault” for being unable to “master” my feelings and reactions. Now I see another healing, liberating spectrum! I wouldn’t quite put my Z in the “not sensitive at all” category, but on a sensitivity spectrum we clearly occupy different spaces. And this holds true for her sensory processing as well: she’s impervious to hunger, noise, lack of sleep, etc. in a way that’s inconceivable to the SPD-ers* in the family.

In Figure I, I’ve charted approximations of our family sensitivity levels relative to one another (P=Pardner, Z=my daughter, G=my son, F=me). This is obviously simplifying and generalizing, but it also clearly indicates a Full Spectrum of sensitivities just within one family.

Figure I – Touching Chart: From Squishing-Touching to Not Touching

Knowing that others have different sorts and levels of sensitivity, doesn’t mean we ourselves necessarily should attempt to change our own feelings and reactions – even if we are able (?). But that knowledge opens our eyes to possibilities of different perspectives - and perspective, as I tell my philosophy students, is the key to a lot. It’s marvelous to see how we all shine in different ways. It’s intriguing for me to imagine the experience of not sobbing at the drop of a hat; for Z, learning about things that are “touching” is inspiring her to find her own tender spots.

Guess the Full Spectrums will keep learning from each other.

We just started By the Shores of Silver Lake. You know, the Laura Ingalls Wilder where Mary goes blind and Jack, their loyal, loving dog dies? It’s going to be you-know-what.

Love,

Full Spectrum Mama

* SPD-ers: people with sensory processing differences

Welcome to the Sensory Blog Hop — a monthly gathering of posts from sensory bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and The Jenny Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about what it’s like to have Sensory Processing Disorder and to raise a sensory kiddo!

An InLinkz Link-up