I.
We are at a party. I am having a good time
because I am emotionally prepared, have had my one allotted beer, and know lots
of people. Z is fine, as always. G is careening around, reminding me of
Brownian Motion, not connecting.
He’s basically gorging on sweets and walking in
circles around the perimeter of the party.
I know he feels overwhelmed, maybe lonely too.
Figure I – What a Party Can Feel Like with SPD
II.
G is swinging on a vine outside the party.
“That kid is weird,” says a young white girl,
maybe 7 or 8 years old. Her two companions, same general description, nod their
heads.
Why? WHY IS MY KID WEIRD? What did he do? Seems
to me this vine-swinging is the most “normal” thing he’s done all night.
III.
G wants to leave, as he has from our moment of
arrival. I try to buy some time outside. A family - mother, father and child - are
standing nearby. The father takes the child, gets in the car and leaves. From
the child’s posture, I sense exhaustion.
“Too much?” I ask the mother.
“Yes,” she says.
“Sensory processing differences?” I wonder
aloud, not entirely sure why…just a gut feeling…
”Oh yeah - ___ [her child] is definitely
spectrumy.”
(Note: While not everyone with Sensory
Processing Disorder {SPD -- which I prefer to call “Sensory Processing
Differences,” by the way} is on the autism spectrum, most people on the
spectrum do have Sensory Processing Differences. Both ASDs {autism spectrum
disorders – though I do take issue with “disorders” in this label as well
[another post!]} and SPDs share the aspect of being neurological – vs emotional or psychological – differences.)
But back to “spectrumy:” Yay.
Now we
can talk. And we do. Our kids were in
different grades at the same school, which is why we looked familiar to one
another. At this party, while my G was blundering awkwardly around, her child
was getting and expressing an overwhelmed feeling in other ways.
So we have this great bonding conversation
about the kids’ social lives and our home lives and all...
…And then she says, “I wish I’d’ve just let
____ bring a book. Then this all would have been totally fine.”
“Whoah,” I shake my head. “G wanted to bring
his book too, and I just wanted him to try this and be here, try to connect and
talk to people and practice social skills…you know? And it’s been pretty
rough…WHY DIDN”T WE JUST LET THEM BRING THEIR BOOKS?”
We sad-smile at each other.
They could have sat together, reading. I bet they
would’ve been totally happy, not careening or leaving. I bet they would’ve had
the best time.
Next time.
Figure II – What having a Book at a Party Can
Feel Like with SPD
Love,
Full Spectrum Mama
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